How to be an internet stalker?

[Oryan77]

If you found out your wife was cheating on you, and you wanted to learn more about the man cheating with your wife, how would you go about doing that?

Luckily, I'm not talking about my wife. Sadly, I'm talking about my brother's wife.

He is devastated and he chose to file for divorce. They have the sweetest 2 y/o son and we are heartbroken that his sons life is now going to be difficult. My brother is a kind, caring, and loving guy and he never would have done anything like this to his wife.

All he knows about the guy is his name, the state he lives in, and the fact he also has a wife. But the mystery behind the man is bothering him and he wants to know who this guy is.

I've seen people here pull out some crazy amount of info on other people. So I was just wondering if anyone had any tips.

 

[jonesy]

-(snip)-

 

[Umbran]

If you found out your wife was cheating on you, and you wanted to learn more about the man cheating with your wife, how would you go about doing that?

You could do the stunningly original and unexpected thing of ... asking your wife!

There's a child involved. It should not be seen as unreasonable to ask who this man is, if he's going to be involved in the child's life.

If this cheating was a short-term fling, and the man isn't going to be involved in the child's life (which, if he's already married, is actually kinda likely), then honestly, I expect everyone would probably be better off if you didn't seek that information, and just allow it to drop.

 

[Oryan77]

You could do the stunningly original and unexpected thing of ... asking your wife!

He's already asked his wife, which is how he knows his name and the state he lives in. She isn't going to give him more info, she cheated on him for crying out loud.

My brother may just be trying to find out who this guys wife is. I think he might want to get in touch with her. Or he may not do anything and just wants to know a bit about the guy for peace of mind (which is most likely the case).

 

[fanboy2000]

First, try Google, Facebook, and MySpace.

In California, all counties have public law library. This is likely true in most states, but I don't know. That law library is likely to have LexisNexis as one of the online databases available to people. You can use that to search public records and get more info on this guy.

I doubt it's going to help your brother. But, hey, you never know. If your brother has a lawyer, the lawyer may be helpful in finding out more too.

That said, sorry to hear about your brother.

 

[fba827]

i think this will lead to a rather unhealthy obsession (if it hasn't already) for your brother. So (regardless of what his intent is) my first thought is that -- while difficult -- he should not be pursuing this as it will only feed his obsession about it and remind him of the pain he is feeling, thus putting him in a bad (worse) emotional state in the gradual long run that will be harder to recover from.

having said that
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if his wife uses her cell phone to communicate with the person, and if your brother has access to the cell phone bill (not the summary that gets mailed, but the detail which is often available in the online phone bill version) then he may be able to find his number under the text-ed or called numbers.
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[IronWolf]

i think this will lead to a rather unhealthy obsession (if it hasn't already) for your brother. So (regardless of what his intent is) my first thought is that -- while difficult -- he should not be pursuing this as it will only feed his obsession about it and remind him of the pain he is feeling, thus putting him in a bad (worse) emotional state in the gradual long run that will be harder to recover from.

I totally agree with this. Finding more out about this person does nothing to actually make things better and only allows him to dwell on the "what ifs" and trying to answer questions that will remain unanswered even with this information.

Speaking with his wife to see if there is any reconciliation is likely more productive. If that path is not open or desired then focusing on moving on is likely better for his own mental health.

 

[Umbran]

He's already asked his wife, which is how he knows his name and the state he lives in. She isn't going to give him more info, she cheated on him for crying out loud.

That she cheated doesn't mean she won't talk. It just means she cheated. Whether or not she'll talk depends an a lot more than "she cheated".

My brother may just be trying to find out who this guys wife is. I think he might want to get in touch with her.

That sounds like a good way to make everything worse for everybody, but perhaps that's just me.

Or he may not do anything and just wants to know a bit about the guy for peace of mind (which is most likely the case).

I don't think any information he'll get is going to give him any peace whatsoever. He should be careful of kidding himself about that. Right now, he's probably hurt and confused, and is apt to rationalize things a bit.

 

[frankthedm]

Google the name with the state. If he owns property, it may come up just based on that.

 

[Gulla]

I don't know about the US, but around here if you start your own investigation, talk to the man (without the cheating wife present, and probably even then) or call his wife and stuff like that, you probably just blemishes your "nice guy being cheated on" record, and makes all parties more defensive and angry.

Unless they manage to agree (seems unlikely now but many do), there will probably be some court deciding on the future of the kid, and having started your own (possibly illegal?) investigation will not look nice. Either he should talk to his wife and together clean up the mess she made or let it drop and get some legal advice on how to clean up the mess.

In no case should he seek out the guy unless he can get his wife to introduce them. Getting revenge is very seldom what is needed to get on with your life, and when he gets over it, having been the bigger man is usually worth it.