Different Types of Attorneys Will Be Bad in Completely Different Ways


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3. Plaintiff/Defense. Some attorneys go both ways, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But in some areas of the law, attorneys have specialized in representing either one side, or the other- yes, the law is conservative, and still includes vestiges of heteronormativity. In some cases, it’s required (the prosecutor can’t defend the accused). In others, it’s custom and specialization. Look at this advertisement-
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The Hammer works for Plaintiffs. The Hammer is out there, looking out for the little people, smashing the (deep-pocketed business) Defendants. Do you think The Hammer is going to be defending personal injury cases? Heck no! He’s The Hammer, not The Nail! Businesses go to Big “The Nail” Law to defend their interests. And the The Nail isn’t going to be taking your piddling case on contingency.
Oh, wow. Did he ever swing and totally miss with his nick name. He shoulda gone with "The Steamer."
 


My fave has always been:

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?

A: Only one. All the rest are true stories.
This is my favorite.

A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were having lunch together when they began arguing about whose profession had been around the longest. The doctor looked at the other two and said, "My profession is the oldest, because God took a rib from Adam to make Eve and that was a medical procedure." The engineer just shook his said and said, "No. My profession is the oldest, because God created the universe out of the primal chaos in the first ever feat of engineering." The lawyer just smirked at the doctor and the engineer and said, "Who do you think created the primal chaos?"
 

This is my favorite.

A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were having lunch together when they began arguing about whose profession had been around the longest. The doctor looked at the other two and said, "My profession is the oldest, because God took a rib from Adam to make Eve and that was a medical procedure." The engineer just shook his said and said, "No. My profession is the oldest, because God created the universe out of the primal chaos in the first ever feat of engineering." The lawyer just smirked at the doctor and the engineer and said, "Who do you think created the primal chaos?"
True story.😉
 

To better understand the various types of attorneys out there, remember that attorneys are a Manichean lot, looking at life as a binary conflict of evil v. eviler. So the primary binaries you will see with attorneys are as follows, in rough order of importance:

Criminal v. Civil

Transaction v. Litigation

Plaintiff v. Defense

Federal v. State
Attorneys have extra alignment axes.
 





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