how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Hida Bukkorosu]

looks: i have a bit of a gut, which i'd like to get rid of, but that's probably not gonna happen
unless they invent a way to do so without large chas investment or willpower (something which i have not been gifted with)

i do try to bathe, shave, and use deodorant when i'm going to places i know girls might be.

as for how i dress, i dress for comfort and convienience and to express my personality. i express my personality through t-shirts that relate to my interests (not all of them are black either, though most are). i'm not going to change who i am and become a trendy, i despise the "fashion trend" crowd and all that they stand for. i'm happy with "who i am" in this area, the only way anyone's getting me to wear things that aren't "me" is if i'm being compensated financially. and the moment i'm off the clock, i'm gonna wear what I wanna wear.

i don't understand what you mean by "excessive intellectualization"? am i not supposed to think about things and analyze them? i don't understand how that's scary?

i'm pretty sure i don't have a problem with personal space, they eye contact thing is something i'm trying to learn. body language is something i don't pick up on real well.

hmm, maybe i can get my inability to pick up on body language recognised as a disability, then i can start collecting disability checks

as for why not get a hooker? a) can't afford it b) risking going to jail is not something i'm interested in c) i want to to be mutually pleasurable, i don't want a situation where she has an ulterior motive (eg money) - i want the hedonism to be mutual

the thing is fear. fear is the obstacle i'm struggling to overcome, and i'm trying to minimse the fear by seeking advice on how to be bolder about meeting girls without doing so in an inappropriate manner.

 

[Brennin Magalus]

l
as for why not get a hooker? a) can't afford it b) risking going to jail is not something i'm interested in c) i want to to be mutually pleasurable, i don't want a situation where she has an ulterior motive (eg money) - i want the hedonism to be mutual

You forgot d) it's wrong

 

[Crothian]

i do try to bathe, shave, and use deodorant when i'm going to places i know girls might be.

Okay, you need to do this all the time. Assume you might meet women everyday, anywhere you go. Like it or not, women are everywhere. Also, a lot of people meet through accident in unusual places.

 

[Brennin Magalus]

I think Hida should look for one of these:

FFC, F.F.C., acronym, p.n.

Fat Fantasy Chick; used to refer to one of the ubiquitous overweight female gamers, typically not terribly in tune with reality, who exhibit a number of common characteristics; a love of Mercedes Lackey or Anne McCaffery; a noted prediliction for Faire and for Scottishness; chronic unicorn collecting; unswerving belief in Wicca or in psychic powers; and outspoken interest in sex despite the fact that no one is reciprocating.

Addendum: The FFC is also likely to be in an internet romance, and is almost certainly a furry. She is also usually a very irritating wicca-feminist personality, and is thought by some gamerpologists to be the female counterpart to the drooling fanboy. [LS]

(From gamerjargon.com)

 

[Brennin Magalus]

Also from gamerjargon.com:

"Elf needs sex, badly!" phrase
a reference to the sad sex lives of most gamers and fanboys; from "Elf needs food badly." [NJD]

 

[Torm]

You forgot d) it's wrong

I can't say as I've ever really understood this one, myself. I mean, sure, the abusive male "role models" who may have damaged the young ladies' self-esteem, and abusive pimps, and johns who hurt the prostitutes are all examples of people I activate my Holy Smite for. But I can't say as I've ever understood the utter condemnation of the practice - seems to me that unless there's extenuating circumstances, it is a much more honest and honorable transaction than getting your taxes done frequently is. And if it is the fluid transfer or biological contact you find distasteful, well, you must have a dim view of dental assistants, too...

And it isn't even illegal in Nevada, which isn't that far from Texas - if Hida hadn't already ruled it out, making this moot. And I'm pleased to see that he has - it indicates that he would like it to mean something, even if he's still torn between that and the typical Andrew-Dice-Clay-esque guy chatter.

And as far as getting past the fear goes, Hida, who exactly is it who has convinced you that you are less than the people you want to talk to? Why isn't meeting YOU an honor you choose to bestow or not?

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

i'm not going to change who i am and become a trendy, i despise the "fashion trend" crowd and all that they stand for.

One of the things they "stand for" is making themselves attractive to women.

What, you think you're the only guy who wouldn't rather be wearing sweats and a t-shirt?

i'm happy with "who i am" in this area.

Yes, but "who you are" is apparently "fat sloppy guy who's not getting any action," and you don't really want to be that.

I wish you all the best luck in the world, but believe me, if changing the way you dress is the least of the compromises you have to accept to achieve and maintain a relationship, count yourself lucky.

Wulf

 

[Waylander the Slayer]

Nifft? said it best; work on your self. You stated that you dont want to "conform"; that in itself is a derogatory remark to everyone else. There is one simple observation; happy, confident people attract others - men and women. The more you are truly happy, where you are secure in your appearance, persona and career the more you will get laid (and find love).

As for what TB said, i don't think it is necessarily about being a jerk, but more about being a man and being in touch with your masculinity. Women are attracted to strength; be it of character, physique or materiality. Strength as defined means contentment with who you are.

...Advice from someone who has been shy for the first sixteen years, a "Tef. Billy" jerk for the next nine years, complete for three years and married for the last five months.

P.S ...a sense o humor does not hurt - lighten up, enjoy your college life!

 

[maddman75]

looks: i have a bit of a gut, which i'd like to get rid of, but that's probably not gonna happen
unless they invent a way to do so without large chas investment or willpower (something which i have not been gifted with)

i do try to bathe, shave, and use deodorant when i'm going to places i know girls might be.

as for how i dress, i dress for comfort and convienience and to express my personality. i express my personality through t-shirts that relate to my interests (not all of them are black either, though most are). i'm not going to change who i am and become a trendy, i despise the "fashion trend" crowd and all that they stand for. i'm happy with "who i am" in this area, the only way anyone's getting me to wear things that aren't "me" is if i'm being compensated financially. and the moment i'm off the clock, i'm gonna wear what I wanna wear.

So you are defined by the clothes you put on? If you put on something nice you aren't going to be you anymore? Who would you be? How would that person be any less real than the person you are now? Self is an illusion my friend.

i don't understand what you mean by "excessive intellectualization"? am i not supposed to think about things and analyze them? i don't understand how that's scary?

No, you aren't. If you're thinking, you're desireing and hesitating. Those are two things you don't want to do. You need to *act*. You need to say hi to a pretty girl, not because you've analyzed her body language, you've observed that she may be receptive, or that you've been wanting to talk to her for awhile now. You say hi to her because you want to meet her.

i'm pretty sure i don't have a problem with personal space, they eye contact thing is something i'm trying to learn. body language is something i don't pick up on real well.

Only way to learn is practice. One problem people with poor social skills have is that they lack the ability to *tell* that they have poor social skills. At least you know that you have a problem and are willing to work to get better at it. There are a lot of guys out there that think there isn't a thing wrong with how they interact, and convince themselves that women are evil and only like a-holes.

hmm, maybe i can get my inability to pick up on body language recognised as a disability, then i can start collecting disability checks

as for why not get a hooker? a) can't afford it b) risking going to jail is not something i'm interested in c) i want to to be mutually pleasurable, i don't want a situation where she has an ulterior motive (eg money) - i want the hedonism to be mutual

the thing is fear. fear is the obstacle i'm struggling to overcome, and i'm trying to minimse the fear by seeking advice on how to be bolder about meeting girls without doing so in an inappropriate manner.

This is the root of the matter, the real problem. It isn't eye contact, or what to say, or even how not to be creepy. Its that you are afraid of what might happen. This isn't unnatural - social interaction is an unknown, and it could go bad. But it could go good too, very good. Most times it goes to neither, really.

I have a challenge for you, if you're serious about learning to interact with others and approach women. If you're on campus, I'm sure there's a ton of women around all the time. When you walk past or see in the hallways or whatever a woman, look her in the eye and say hello or hi. You don't need to have a conversation with her. You don't care what she does - this isn't about her. This is about you and your fear. You are afraid that if you do something like this, she's going to freak out, yell, or have some other kind of horrid reaction.

Its NOT gonna happen! If you do this ten times, and even one of them freaks out or makes some kind of scene, I will personally paypal you ten dollars. I'd bet that a couple of them even smile and say hi back to you.

See if I'm wrong.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

Having read this work before on the internet, this:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/102-1141849-3522530?v=glance&s=books Seriously.

is pretty much this:

Ok, here is my advice, and I will tell you that every time this subject comes up, I ost this advice, and it always gets derided.

Don't listen to the derision.

The advice you have been given thus far in the thread will put you directly on the path to being the girl's "Good Friend". That means--in essence--no sex. IF that's what you are looking for, then great, go for it.

But if not, the following advice should serve you well, though it stands in stark contrast to just about everything that has been said in this thread thus far.

Ok, here we go.

Be kind of a jerk. Not a total jerk, just more arrogant than you would normally be. I have no idea why women go for this, but they do. In droves.

And it's golden advice.

Ultimately, women aren't looking for jerks, they are looking for confidence.

(They just get confused-- and women who can't seem to get anything other than a jerk seem to me the perfect analog to the nice guys who can't get a date. They both, eventually, get walked all over.)

If you don't have confidence, pretend you do, even if it means faking it in very obvious ways-- like being a jerk.

It really is that simple.

Eventually, you'll have real confidence-- and it honestly won't take that long.

And for what it's worth, my confidence-building, chit-chat-for-practice, cheesy-intro-line for a long time was (drumroll), "Nice shoes."

It's not a line that's designed to "work" in any way other than forcing you to start a conversation with a woman, cold-- so as soon as you say it, it worked.


Wulf