how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Teflon Billy]

...I guess what pisses me off a bit is the way women (at least an awful lot of women) claim the moral high ground in the relationships arena by slagging off us men for every selfish* thing we do while denying that their classic actions (like the "I want us to be good friends" technique) are in any way selfish whatsoever. And even, incredibly, argue that they're doing it for our benefit!...

Both genders, every cultural and subcultural group, every race, and every social class at one point or another tries to claim to moral high ground.

No one can. People being what they are, they will attempt to go the route of least resistance more often than not, and for the most part they will try and rationalize it away as "the right thing"

The sad truth of uit is that there is no right thing. Some win, some lose. Some get hurt, some avoid it.

Usually the losers and the hurt try and stake out the moral high ground.

That's not to say that any one gender is better than the other. For example, as you yourself pointed out, some men say "I'll call you" when they don't mean it, as do some women, while some men and women don't.

That's a perfect example of what I am--and I guess was--talking about

I don't for example, because without wanting to sound like a goody-two-shoes, I think it's a pretty nasty thing to do and I wouldn't want it done to me.

There you are, up on the moral high ground

But it does piss me off when women say, "Why don't men call!" when the the truth is that some men (like me) do call and some women (like the girl who took me for £3000) don't. Ever, in her case. Except when she needed more money.

Egad! like like 5000 Canadian dollars!!!

But when girls say "men never call", they are peaking in generalizations, in much the same manner as when I say "women love s" it's because they do. Not 100% of them, but enough for it to be signifigant.

The fact that you call women (and apparently con artists or thieves) doesn't invalidate "men don't call" as a generalization at all.

 

[Droid101]

I say "women love s" it's because they do.

Oh come on Bill, don't keep us in the dark. What do women love?

 

[Psion]

I was about to interject that I can't recall an instance where I have had a friendship turn into a relationship successfully.

But then I recalled two instances of friends I had that turned into girlfriends.

Neither lasted, though. I get the impression that if that a man is on the right "wavelength" to be friends with a girl, he's on the wrong "wavelength" to be in a relationship with a girl.

I sometimes wonder though. I met my wife while I was on leave and visiting a friend. If I had time to become close friends with her before I had to go back to my duty station (wherupon I started phone-flirting with her), would have it bloomed into romance? Or would I have been stuck with another "just friends."

 

[EvilBen]

DU (way back in post #200, I need to make sure I'm really on the last page before posting dag-nabbit!) is actually on to something, pick up a team sport (I too prefer rugby) *and* a hobby (theater did it for me). They both will help you with social skills, and meeting people. The sport will hep get you into shape (if needed) and help with confidence, and as long as one or both of the activities involve members of the oppisite sex, you will get to meet "womens" too. And if nothing romantic comes of it, you have learned someting new, got in some exercise and probably made some new friends.

Broaden you cultural horizons, it will give you more to talk about than your 17th level ranger and his polar bear animal compainion next time you are in need of conversation fodder.

 

[Afrodyte]

TB and Obryn have the right idea. I didn't really know this guy aside from gaming, and I sure never spent any time alone with him. Very stupidly, I tried to see what would happen if I gave him a chance in that way, and it only left me feeling uncomfortable. I said the LJBF thing, and I didn't contact him after that because I needed some distance. OK, a lot of distance. Regardless of what he said, I could not shake the belief that he wanted more from me than I was ready and willing to give. It's like one minute, he's really into me and wanting me to be his girlfriend, and as soon as I say, "I can't do this," I'm supposed to believe that he no longer has such feelings for me. Rather than getting embroiled in the type of drama that can come from that, I decided not to cease contact because I believe that any show of interest on my part would give him the wrong impression, and I don't want to deal with the mess that can result from that.

 

[The Grumpy Celt]

This is why I've given up on the whole dating scene.

Everywhere people are No Da*n Good. Not just women, but men too. Not just gamers, but straights too. No Da*n Good. Which is why homosexuality is not really an option to do better because one way or the other you are still dealing with men and women – you are still dealing with people.

Asking people out (and similar social exercises) is about as much as being stuck in a washing machine full of broken glass and sex is perennially disappointing. Dating is not worth the effort.

You're not going to find "that special someone" because no one is special, not really. Far too much hassle for far too little emotional or physical reward.

Take a step back, look at it plainly and simply and realize it is not worth the effort.

TILGUTI.

 

[A2Z]

This is why I've given up on the whole dating scene.

Everywhere people are No Da*n Good. Not just women, but men too. Not just gamers, but straights too. No Da*n Good. Which is why homosexuality is not really an option to do better because one way or the other you are still dealing with men and women – you are still dealing with people.

Asking people out (and similar social exercises) is about as much as being stuck in a washing machine full of broken glass and sex is perennially disappointing. Dating is not worth the effort.

You're not going to find "that special someone" because no one is special, not really. Far too much hassle for far too little emotional or physical reward.

Take a step back, look at it plainly and simply and realize it is not worth the effort.

TILGUTI.

Wow. Is this a cry for help?

 

[Rel]

You're not going to find "that special someone" because no one is special, not really. Far too much hassle for far too little emotional or physical reward.

Take a step back, look at it plainly and simply and realize it is not worth the effort.

You seem a little grumpy.

 

[The Grumpy Celt]

Rel, A2Z...

pppbbbttt!!!

And I mean it.

 

[Xath]

This is precisely what makes it hard to deal with male friends (generally just gamer buddies) who suddenly express a desire to go out with me. Honestly, I do not know how to handle it when a guy drops the bomb and says he likes me. I'm not approached that often by men, let alone men I find attractive. Then I have to deal with this roiling blob of feelings, intuitions, and thoughts. Oftentimes I don't know how I should feel about the person. My instincts can tell me one thing, my mind another, and my body something entirely different. I don't want to push a nice person away, but I don't want to put myself into a dangerous predicament either. Although I'm sure that sharing this would be reassuring to a guy who's interested in me, I don't think I want to tell these thoughts and feelings to someone I barely know. In my experience, when I have sued the "let's just be friends" line and then break off contact, it's been because most men, except those who are more "effeminate," don't really know how to be platonic friends with women. Or rather, they do, but as long as they aren't reminded that they are dealing with a woman. In other words, as long as sex and romance don't become the topic of conversation.

Absolutely exactly what I was trying to say.