Hida Bukkorosu said:
one thing i'm not getting is why would i waste time showering if i'm not even going to leave my apt?
I forget who said this, but it bears repeating. Do you want to be you, or do you want to be the sort of guy who gets attention? You needn't change who you fundamentally are, but a person who's schedule is so empty that they can spend a day without going out is a little off-putting (and dull besides). Go find activities to be in so you have no days you won't leave the apartment.
Besides which, you don't want stank to permeate you. A few days of worn-in grime do not magically fade away with one quick shower.
actually, i have literally driven to the store at 3 am just to satisfy a snack craving - even if i have snacks at the apt, i will sometimes get a jones for a particular flavor. it's like a junkie needing a fix.
Since my first post here, I've advocated baby steps. I'm sure you can guess where this'll go.
Prepare some carrots/celery stalks/cucumbers/whatever you might like ahead of time. Have them easily on hand for when a craving hits. Try to develop a taste for healthier snacks. Once you get a good habit going, it tends to perpetuate itself.
And the same idea applies to exercise. Don't think you need a gym membership and solid resolve to get in shape; most people with that attitude end up using about a month of their year's membership. Just try to take baby steps. Find physical activities you enjoy, and try to build a habit. This ties into the "find more hobbies" suggestion; develop a walking routine, start byclicing more instead of driving, or even sign up for a martial arts course. Unique individuals like you seem to take quite well to martial arts, in my experience.
"And i'm saying i don't have an opinion on the matter. ask someone qualified, since nowhere in my job description does it read 'fashion consultant'. now if you don't mind, i'd like to get back to being productive with my time here and doing the job you pay me for, i would think you would want to be getting your money's worth out of your employee doing his actual job instead of occupying his time with irrelevant non-work-related chatter."
Do go some research on that Aspergers condition. Really. If you can't see how rudeness like that tends not to bode well for continued employment, you need severe remedial training before chatting up girls is even remotely feasable.
Ironically, there are methods of misdirection one can use to avoid lying while still not hurting feelings. They tend to resemble brutal honesty in the same way that my computer resembles a llama. One needs social grace and tact, both of which you admittedly need to work on, and even then the truth has to get bent a little.
when it comes to being "for sale" it's simply this. "dressing up" - ie wearing things other than what i want to wear - is an unpleasant task. so is working. but unfortunately, one needs money in order to survive. therefore, i sell my time (and since they own my time they can make me wear the required uniform) in order to eat.
going out with a girl is supposed to be fun. if i'm not having fun, she's not worth being with. if i'm having to hide who i am and be someone i'm not, i'm not having fun.
Advanced logic here:
Wearing clothes you don't like subtracts a certain amount of happiness.
Going out with a girl you like adds a certain amount of happiness.
Add the two values together. There are legitimately times when all the hassles and pressures a girl puts on you can be greater than the benefits you get from it; that's when you kick her to the curb. However, to put this into gaming terms for you, you sound like you're explaining keeping a +1 longsword over a +5 mace because you don't want to lose your Weapon Focus bonus. If you can legitimately say that you'd be happier alone in your own clothes than spruced up on a date, there's no point to this thread for anyone involved. You have to answer for yourself whether you find the potential happiness rewards worth the up-front costs.
(You also have to keep in mind that the girl is running very much the same equation in her head. It's incredibly foolish to expect her to bend over backwards to make you happy while you exert no efforts on her behalf. You've avoided answering how you, Hida Bukkorosu, are going to make this worth her while/enjoyable for her. Give at least some thought to that.)
not looking to get married and have kids. looking for fun. i plan to use condoms if and when i do get a chance to engage in the more physical forms of fun. kids are too much of a responsibility.
...And here you jump all over the place.
It's time for a straight answer, Hida. Are you looking to get laid, or are you learning how to get yourself into a position where you're socially apt?
If it's the former, prostitution's your only real answer. I know this'll hurt your pride, but if you see "physical pleasure" as being the primary function of a woman, she has a right to ask for financial compensation in return. Yes, I know that she might also get pleasure out of the deal; you have to accept that the cute girls can get far better than you if they're just looking for a quickie. So payment or some really desperate/jaded/ugly girl are the extent of your chances here.
If it's the latter, realize that you're going to have to work on some personal growth before relationship/sex issues are even remotely feasable for you. You've clearly changed before; calling yourself a
former fundamentalist christian kind of implies that. So you have to put your pride on the line and ask yourself if the up-front costs in effort and "happiness" are worth the potential rewards down the line.
And remember. Nobody's telling you that you have to give up things you love, take up things you hate, or pretend to be your polar oposite. All we're saying is to experiment with growing in certain directions, picking up new hobbies/habits, and seeing how well those take.
