how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Humanophile]

I had written something here that was *honest*, but I thought better of it. I understand that guys are often attracted to younger women. And I understand that relationships with large age gaps can work. But I have to say that I find this statement kind of creepy. You wouldn't consider seeing someone your own age unless she looked younger? Would you date an 18 year old that looked younger than 18?

Your age specifications seem very superficial. And hippocritical, since you don't really seem to care about your own appearance.

You know our good friend Hida. He prefers blunt honesty. So don't feel the need to hold back on his part. Eric's grandmother, on the other hand...

Still, it's more fun when people learn what the market will bear on their own. They tend not to learn any other way, really. (Many fail to learn even then, but if harsh experience fails to teach them anything I don't see friendly advice making a lick of difference.) I'm hoping against hope that if/as Hida learns how to socialize, he'll learn to be more adaptable and open-minded. I've seen people grow as they come face to face with reality, and I'd like to retain some optimism.

 

[msd]

then i get a different job working for a boss who's not the kind of imbecile who's going to ask me every question twice.

yes, it's rude, but i got rude because he persisted in bugging me with something i have no opinion on.

Welcome to what the rest of us call...being a grown-up. You can't quit every time things don't go exactly according to your plan. Working with others is about making adjustments, playing a bit of harmless politics, and hopefully learning which battles to fight and which are not worth fighting. Grow up.

i'm looking to be able to ask girls out. eventually i would like to get laid. if i meet the right person, i would also like to form a close friendship with them in addition to the physical aspect. this would be called a "relationship".

I love the quotes around relationship with the somewhat condescending tone. Are you honestly putting yourself in the position of educating others as to what does, or does not constitute a relationship?

And as someone else said, you've got your order backwards. Women are a lot of things to a lot of different people, but I would venture to guess that "perceptive as all hell" has to be at or near the top of everyone's list. If you think that they aren't going to see through this tactic, than think again.

Well, pretty much the girls in the 18-22 range tend to be the ones i'm attracted to. not all that into the girls my own age (though some of the younger looking ones my age are still hot.)

This is per se creepy and again represents a ridiculous and childish objectification of women. Women cannot be defined strictly in terms of their age and if, at age 27, you start strictly by looking for 18 year olds, you are going to scare a hell of a lot of people.

My sneaking suspicion is that you don't like women your own age because most 27 year old women would be downright mortified with the state of your maturity and your behavior.

 

[Arcane Runes Press]

ARPress' wife again. It's kinda rude to say but. Guys, really. I know you are trying to be helpful to Hida but A) He's not willing to take the advice obviously. and B) Don't worry, he won't get laid anyway. Because of A.

 

[Crothian]

ARPress' wife again. It's kinda rude to say but. Guys, really. I know you are trying to be helpful to Hida but A) He's not willing to take the advice obviously. and B) Don't worry, he won't get laid anyway. Because of A.

Actually, I predict he'll eventually follow some of the advice and then find a wonderful woman. THen at some point he'll mention to her in passing this thread, she'll inquire about it and he will foolishly show it to her. THen she will leave him for the thread has a very creepy feel and then he will fall back to old habits. And he will start another thread like this one.

 

[nerfherder]

Actually, I predict he'll eventually follow some of the advice and then find a wonderful woman. THen at some point he'll mention to her in passing this thread, she'll inquire about it and he will foolishly show it to her. THen she will leave him for ...

...then she will leave him for Teflon Billy

Cheers,
Liam

 

[tarchon]

Well, as a counter-example to the Shower Theory, I should note out that I had a friend in college who spent a couple years in a non-showering hippie phase, and he had hippie chicks jumping on him like you wouldn't believe. Really, I had a couple er... poorly groomed pals who never lacked for company. The neatest neat freak I knew was usually single, but that was more out of his apparent disinterest in women at the time - they definitely came after him, and he does allright nowadays. What did all these guys have in common? Tall. That's most of what it's about.
Get some elevator shoes, man, elevator shoes.

 

[Angcuru]

Y'know, this thread has a very noticable pattern to it.

Hida - Asks advice

Ennies - Give advice

Hida - Rejects advice, 'rationalizes' why he shouldn't change.

Repeat process.

Well, besides that, this thread does have a very creepy feel to it. No more lookies for me.

 

[Teflon Billy]

...then she will leave him for Teflon Billy

I'm (happily!) as taken as taken can be...and not looking to "trade" under any circumstances (much less for Hida's castoffs)

 

[Teflon Billy]

then i get a different job working for a boss who's not the kind of imbecile who's going to ask me every question twice.

yes, it's rude, but i got rude because he persisted in bugging me with something i have no opinion on. to me, guys don't "look good". i don't care what kind of toupee they wear ...

Oh. My. God. :\

Ok, the simple truth Hida is--measured by any yardstick--the "conversation with your boss" that I whipped up a few posts back was what the whole goddam world would call Small talk. Innocous conversation meant to bond acquaintances.

You managed to flip out, get yourself fired, and get it in your head that you are going to find another job (you won't have a reference from him no matter your job performance) all over the fact that you couldn't just make frckin' smalll talk.

I fear that you like "blunt honesty" the way I like "English" Hida, which is to say you are incapable of puzzling out any other language.

You don't appreciate candor, you are simply incapable of figuring out what's going on in any situation where it isn't plainly and obviously spelled out for you.

You want some Blunt Honesty? Here it is: I don't think you have a single hope of meeting even the smallest of your goals as you currently are. Until such time as you can "decode" simple things like body language and conversational subtext, you are a lost cause.

This is frustrating beyond belief. So I will echo Buttercup's sound advice in the least ambiguous manner I can manage (as you have requested): :

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

 

[Stone Angel]

Hida I have been watching this thread for a long time. I even tried to help by offering some advice on approaching and talking to women. I have come to agree with TB and Buttercup that you have a few social issues going on. Do not be ashamed TB may have been a little rough and his post may seem offensive, but your replies seem to indicate that you just don't get it, and trust me TB doens't need me to defend him. You should go see a therapist especially after your job incident, maybe even for just one session or a profile. I do wish you well in your knew endeavor in finding a new job.

Question have you tried any of these things anyone has suggested? Right now I am tapped out the only thing that I can think to say is try a dating site. Oh new thought there are lots of bars that have "drinking clubs" where you are randomly assigned to a table and you get to know the patrons for a while. If all esle fails find a really hot chick that you have no chance with but who is nice ask her to help you.


The Seraph of Earth and Stone