[Humor] 101 ways to tell the DM hates your guts

[Stone Angel]

79.) Your character gets hit every round by a magic missle spell from a ninth level caster despite the fact you are invisible and have casted the shield spell.
80.) You spend all your down time creating new characters just so you won't waste any time.....Next character is.....
81.) In a party of four characters you are the tank. After an easy encounter the DM informs you that there a suit of armor and weapon of near artifact power. After you equip your new duds he informs you the wizard took a new feat: Improved Familiar. It's a Rust Monster and it has a level of Barbarian it's in a rage and it looks hungry!

 

[jdavis]

82 The DM likes to throw lighter fluid on you then flick lit matches at you.

83 The DM tells you not to bother with some of the non essentials, like a background or a name or even stats for that matter.

84 After he kills your character he writes Dead across it with a felt tip marker.

85 He has a posterboard full of your characters with Dead written across them in Felt tip marker that he brings to every session.

86 Every time you get up to go to the bathroom the DM removes your chair and puts your gaming stuff out on the porch.

 

[Kilmore]

87.) He tells you game night is on Sunday, and you meet another player on Monday who asks "Where were you Saturday?"

 

[John Crichton]

88. Only YOU have to make sanity checks, playing your 1st level fighter...

 

[nsruf]

89. The only magic item your character gets is a single arrow. Of slaying. Through the head.

90. You ungloriously die of food poisoning while in the shape of a female kobold (DnDorks, anyone?).

 

[Frostmarrow]

91. While walking down the street your DM stabs you in the back. As you lie on the sidewalk slowly dying your DM stands over your lifeless body with the bloody knife in his hand shouting "I KILLED THE BASTARD!".

 

[Vigilant Fiend]

101 ways

92. Every time your character is around undead you notice they have a sexual attraction to your parapalegic kolbold commoner.

93. All your wizards spells fizzle from arcane spell failure, even if you dont wear armor.

94. When the Dm orders pizza everybody but you eats for free, you have to pay three bucks a slice.

95. When leveling your character the Dm looks at you and says "Don't worry about rolling up hit points."

96. When you try to climb a ladder the Dm tells you to make a climb check DC 55 and if you fell you take 55d6 damage from the three foot fall.

 

[Mark]

97. Introduction of the new NPC-Only feat Auto-Sunder

 

[Frostmarrow]

98) You learn that the DM has called up your mum, telling her of your demon-worshipping hobby.

 

[Piratecat]

99) The DM tells you, "You've heard bardic lore that says that all round, solid black floating spheres are actually teleporting portals to magic unguarded treasure rooms. Honest."