(humor) The Most Broken Spell Competition

[Edena_of_Neith]

Here is a spell for all you evil wizards out there.
(Only an evil wizard could cast this spell.)

The Spell - Hellfire (also known as Avissar's Bane)
The Source - Dragon Magazine #123
Spell Type - Wizard 9th

There is no saving throw against this spell.
Spell resistance (magic resistance) works normally (you had better hope it works!)

The effects of this spell are permanent. Only a Wish (or Miracle), the death of the caster, the will of the caster to dispel it, or divine intervention will otherwise end it.
The spell will not affect Outsiders, and certain others.

The victim's hit points drop to 1.
The victim is in permanent, continuous agony.
The victim occasionally faints from the agony, only to awaken hours later, still in agony.
The victim is effectively incapacitated, unable to fight or function.

(One might comment that a Wish or Miracle is easily obtained, and this spell is easily countered. Maybe. Wish spells have this way of going awry - perhaps the Hellfire would be lifted from the victim, and placed on the Wisher instead ...)

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

Here is a nifty attack spell, especially if combined with magic that allows the mage multiple attacks (such as Haste.)

The Spell - Jaran's Prismatic Blade
The Source - Dragon #241
Spell Type - Wizard 9th

This spell does just what it says. It conjures a sword of all seven prismatic spheres which only (fortunately) the caster can wield.
A hit with this blade does all the effects of a Prismatic Sphere with each and every hit: 70 to 140 points of damage, save or die, turn to stone, go insane, and/or be sent to another plane.
The spell lasts one round per level.

Anyone looking at a Prismatic Blade is blinded for 2 to 8 turns (no save.)

 

[Darkness]

The Spell - Hellfire (also known as Avissar's Bane)
...
The effects of this spell are permanent. Only a Wish (or Miracle), the death of the caster, the will of the caster to dispel it, or divine intervention will otherwise end it.
...

The victim's hit points drop to 1.
The victim is in permanent, continuous agony.
The victim occasionally faints from the agony, only to awaken hours later, still in agony.
The victim is effectively incapacitated, unable to fight or function.

(One might comment that a Wish or Miracle is easily obtained, and this spell is easily countered. Maybe. Wish spells have this way of going awry - perhaps the Hellfire would be lifted from the victim, and placed on the Wisher instead ...)

Switch your body with someone else!

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

I know you might not agree with this, but the 5th level Teleport spell makes this list.
Why?
Because, if the target fails it's save, you can teleport it anywhere you want.

You can teleport it to Ravenloft.

It is easy to get into Ravenloft - a teleport will easily do the job.
Getting OUT of Ravenloft, is another matter.
It is highly, highly, unlikely you will ever see the unfortunate teleport victim again.

- - -

Someone mentioned Gate, above.
In the old 1st Edition version of Gate, it never said anything about effects passing through the Gate.
Which is to say, you could open a Gate to a hostile place, and the effects of that hostile place could come through it and affect you.

So, one day, someone opened a Gate to the heart of the nearby sun.
This caused some minor destruction in the immediate locale, as I remember ...

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

Good point, Darkness.
The spell Magic Jar is perfect for the job, too.

And then the poor victim has the Hellfire on him, and he wasn't even attacked by the spell.

 

[Cedric]

Unfortunately (fortunately?) Teleport has a target of: You and touched objects or other touched willing creatures.

So...you can't teleport them somewhere nasty unless they agree to be teleported...and you go with them (although you could argue that after casting the spell you become an unwilling target and don't go with them...but as a GM, I'd say no).

Also, you can't go interplanar with it, so no mystery trip to Ravenloft.

Cedric

edit: By it's strict wording you can do what you intended with Planar Shift though...

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

There are higher level variants of Teleport that will teleport unwilling creatures (Teleport Undead being one of the notables.)
It is true you cannot teleport someone to another Plane, but you can teleport someone to the Mists.
For the Mists exist in the Prime Material Plane. They come and take people away to Ravenloft.
Thus, the evil wizard could visualize the Mists, and teleport the target to that point, and hope the creature arrived on target, and the Mists took the creature (an interesting and risky venture, I would daresay.)

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

Teleport Undead is not a broken spell, but it is a fun spell.

There is nothing so satisfying as teleporting an enraged vampire or spectre directly into the quarters of one of the noble houses of Menzoberranzan.
Or, perhaps, a ghost or death knight to Fzoul's Tower of Bane in Zhentil Keep (make sure they are Cyric followers first, of course.)
Or, perhaps, if you are fighting a lich, teleport the thing right into the middle of a Thayvian mage revel (normally the lich would just teleport right back, but those paranoid Thayvian wizards would undoubtedly attack the lich immediately, and then the fun would start.)

Or, if you are REALLY brave and foolhardy, teleport a powerful opponent (say, the tarrasque), to Larloch's Necropolis.
Trust me when I say that you, your party, and half of Faerun is in for a good time, when Larloch - now throughly enraged - decides to teach everyone a stern lesson about respecting his privacy.
(Obviously, this tactic would be a delight for the chaotic neutral wizard.)

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

I have forgotten the level, but Teleport Fireball (and it's variants) is a load of laughs.

The King: I hereby pronounce (BOOM)
The Steward: In the name of the King I declare (BOOM)
The Knight: By the writ of authority granted me, I (BOOM)
The Cleric: Oh great Power I beseech thee, grant me (BOOM)
The Druid: Powers of Nature, hear my call (BOOM)
The Barbarian: Crom, I have never prayed to you before (BOOM)
The Ranger: My scouting shows the enemy is far away (BOOM)
The Paladin: I shall protect you from the evil ones (BOOM)
The Fighter: I'm tough and strong, and (BOOM)
The Thief: I opened the treasure chest, disarmed the lock, and we are safe (BOOM)
The Bard: I shall sing a song of joy (BOOM)
The Kender: (BOOM) Oops
The Lover: Ah, but it is going to be a hot time tonight (BOOM)

Of course, if you Teleport Dead and then Teleport Fireball the next round, everyone at the destination point will be certain the undead did it, while the undead will be certain it was attacked by those at the destination point.
All the while, your wizard sits back and watches through his Crystal Ball, beer and pretzels at hand.

Teleport Fireball is great for burning down towns, and having a perfect alibi (well, I was on the other side of the PLANET, for Mystra's Sake, when it happened!)

 

[Norfleet]

I'm personally a fan of Drawmij's Instant Death. Drawmij, whoever and wherever he is, dies. He dies instantly, without a saving throw. He's getting pretty sick and tired of this.

Armageddon, the one which instantly destroys the universe, is also a pretty nice one. I forget the exact description and level, but it destroys the universe, no save.