FormerlyHemlock
Hero
I'm curious. How did you get your players to feel comfortable that they could indulge in feats?
Less punishing fights? (in my experience, players panic that they will end up boringly weak compared to the fighter who chooses optimally,
or that they risk getting killed if they don't choose optimally).
De-emphasize the character sheet and discourage players from looking at each other's character sheets. I don't mean "don't play by the rules", just "don't ask to know players' abilities and bonuses until it comes up in play."
That feeling of panic that you're talking about comes from comparing a +7 on a piece of paper to a +8 on a different piece of paper. It doesn't come from missing a monster by one occasionally (on 5% of your attacks, because you don't have Str 20) while sneaking around in the shadows (Skulker feat for rogue, lets him hide even against darkvision) or bashing monsters prone for advantage with every attack (Shield Master).
My players don't seem to take many feats, but they do invest in non-primary ASIs (boosting Int is very popular for every class) so clearly they don't feel much if any pressure to "optimize" by boosting attack stats to 20. This in spite of the fact that the conflicts which do occur in my combat-light game vary wildly between "pretty easy" and "amazingly difficult, so much so that the DM is surprised when they don't TPK." This could be due purely to player personality but I hypothesize that it's also due to DMing style and the fact that my game tends to be more about making smart decisions (like "do we attack or run away?") rather than die rolls. Could be both of course--maybe that's why my players and I get along so well, because we have similar preferences.
TL;DR if you want your players to be willing to take feats over ASIs, try a high-agency game which emphasizes player skill more than character stats. Here's a good place to start: http://hackslashmaster.blogspot.com/2012/04/on-transcript-unfortunate-death.html
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