I'm a bad DM

[DanFor]

"This is Advanced, Mark. ADVANCED." -- Graham the DM

Sometimes... sometimes, I like to skip out on my gaming group to hang out with people I haven't seen in a while. Or I just don't feel like playing that night. If you tell me I have an obligation to the game over even the most menial real-life stuff, I will find other people to play games with.

D&D is a hobby; not a way of life.

Start soapbox.

You don't have an obligation to a game. You have an obligation to the people you game with. If you ask to participate in a group, then the group expects that you will. Some groups meet more often than others. If you want to hang out with people you haven't seen in a while or whatever, find a group that plays once a month. Or start your own group.

Yes, D&D is a hobby, but it's a shared hobby. End soapbox.

 

[Lanefan]

D&D is a hobby; not a way of life.

What do you mean, it's not a way of life?! What infidel told you that?

Lanefan

 

[TableStar Games]

Like any social gathering

I see gaming like any social gathering, like meeting up to see a movie. It's no big deal if some people don't show, but if I'm waiting for you to show up, it's a little rude. If you've said in advance, "I don't know if I'll show" then I can assume you won't and let you catch up.

In a gaming situation, it's the equivalent of saying "don't start without me," because in a game, you sometimes can't start without x number of players. 3 present out of 4, that's OK. We'll go on ahead. 2 present out of 4, it's a little annoying.

And, yeah, calling and saying "I can't make it," even last minute, is better than not showing up and never even acknowledging there was a game. This isn't friendship-ending material, but if you can't use 10 seconds to call me on a cell phone, I'll be annoyed.

 

[Dragonbait]

And, yeah, calling and saying "I can't make it," even last minute, is better than not showing up and never even acknowledging there was a game. This isn't friendship-ending material, but if you can't use 10 seconds to call me on a cell phone, I'll be annoyed.

Experienced that too many times from one player. He even had the group change our gaming day to Sunday night, which, while do-able, was not convineint for anyone but him. He claimed it was because of his job, and even then, he would not show 1 out of every 3 sessions (typically, he would not call, and if we called him, he would not call back). If we played on Sat, he would get annoyed with the group. We even postponed sessions for the week if something important in the game was coming up and he said he had to work (he would often ask if we skip the game that week so he would not miss out on the story and XP). Turns out he was dating Saturday night, and only about 25% of the time he told us that he had to work, was he telling the truth. He had 4 other people rearrange their lives to fit his over a lie, and sometimes, we would skip our enjoyment (gaming) for the week over his lies.
Bitter? Who, me?

 

[Chimera]

What it comes down to, whether you think it's just a hobby, or just a game, or a trivial thing... Is respect, appreciation and an understanding that the other people involved are people too. They're making you a part of their life by gaming with you, just as people are doing by hanging out with you in any other activity.

If you don't have the character to acknowledge that and let them know that you won't be able to make the game, then what you're really saying is that your whims matter more than any promise you make, than any commitment to other people, than any other person means to you.

If that's the way that you want to live your life, that's fine and dandy, but you really have no basis to complain when other people don't like it.

If you tell me I have an obligation to the game over even the most menial real-life stuff, I will find other people to play games with.

No, you don't have an obligation to game. You have an obligation to COMMUNICATE. It's really not that hard. Just call them up and tell them that you can't make it.

And if the 'most menial real-life stuff' is more important than gaming, don't be surprised when you're required to find new people to game with on a regular basis.

 

[Halivar]

No, you don't have an obligation to game. You have an obligation to COMMUNICATE. It's really not that hard. Just call them up and tell them that you can't make it.

And if the 'most menial real-life stuff' is more important than gaming, don't be surprised when you're required to find new people to game with on a regular basis.

I agree with both of these statments. I will never skip a game without first letting the DM know days (sometimes hours, usually a week) ahead of time.

 

[amethal]

Gaming is a social experience.

In our group, we play so long as two (or more) out of six players can make it. We are all adults, with family and other responsibilities, so sometimes people simply can't make it. On the other hand, we are perfectly happy to allow "guest appearances" from additional friends who can't commit to being regular members of the party but can make the occasioanl session.

As the DM I am perfectly willing and able to adjust the challenges up or down for the number of players who are there - on the fly if necessary.

If players aren't there, then neither are their characters - regardless of how ridiculous this might seem. If we can think up a plausible reason for where the absent characters are, then great. If not, they have simply "wandered off".

The party as a whole levels whenever a goal has been achieved. This includes all characters, so the party members are always all the same level regardless of how many sessions individual players have been able to attend.

Absent characters get no treasure, however.

This method works for us because its simple, easy and stress free. The players who are there can enjoy the game without worrying about the players who are absent.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Seems I'm an awfully bad DM and D&D player. I expect people to show up. Of course, there are many reasons why someone can't or won't play. I even would accept "I'd like a break from the game". But unless it's something serious that came up last minute, I want ample warning of it. Not 15 minutes before the game. This counts double if the person not showing up will mean that the game will have to be cancelled.

I also expect that people get along, and show respect to each other.

I disagree, rather strongly.

On occasion, a person may just not feel like gaming. For whatever reason, if they show up at the table, they aren't goign to have fun, and they're going to drag the whole session down. On such occasions, I'd prefer the player not show up and ruin a session. I'd prefer to be told they aren't coming, and I'd prefer it only be occasional. But in a social entertainment, we ought to make allowances for our fellow players to be human, and one bad day really oughtn't equate to dropping out of a whole campaign - as your "NEVER" seems to imply.

So if you don't feel like playing, it's not so bad to stay away - which will mean that the others cannot play, often meaning that you have wasted their time (since they may have not agreed to other stuff because of the game) - as it would be to attend?

No way in all the hells.

Sometimes... sometimes, I like to skip out on my gaming group to hang out with people I haven't seen in a while. Or I just don't feel like playing that night. If you tell me I have an obligation to the game over even the most menial real-life stuff, I will find other people to play games with.

D&D is a hobby; not a way of life.

D&D is a group activity, not something that involves only you. It involves people commiting time. If someone can't keep a schedule, he's wasting other people's time, he's showing disrespect. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with such a person.

I went away from several gaming groups because it contained people like that. Not bothering to show up, not saying anything (or only 5 minutes because the game started). I missed many opportunities to do other stuff because I was commiting myself to a game that was later cancelled because of some idiot who didn't feel like playing.

I understand if you have reasons. I understand if you think you have something better to do - but I want to know soon enough so that I'll know if I won't be playing, so I could arrange other things. Why should I - and several other people - have an afternoon of boredom - having missed the movies, theater, whatever - because you didn't feel like playing and didn't bother to tell us until 5 minutes after the game started?

My family all lives at least 100 miles from me. If I don't take weekends to visit them once in a while, I'd never see them. You'd suggest I pick a game over my family?

I'd suggest that if you want to see your family next week, tell the other guys this week.

 

[airwalkrr]

I'm a bad DM too. I never listen to the wants or needs of my players. I always throw CRs at them they can never beat. I deny them XP and dick them out of treasure at every turn. I fudge dice rolls to kill off their most prized characters and then tell them there's no cleric in sight. Their dreams and quests go unfulfilled at each and every session I host.







And yet, they keep coming back for more.

You're my hero.

 

[Infernal Teddy]

I've trained my players to call at the latest three hours before the game if they're not coming.