Introducing a girlfriend to gaming...

[Tyler Do'Urden]

I haven't done any roleplaying in several months- my last group couldn't find a convenient time to game through the summer, and our Midnight campaign fell apart. Recently, however, the other DM in our group, after a 2 year campaign, has decided she's going to "hang it up" in a few weeks and surrender the screen to me.

In this dry spell, however, I've started dating an attractive and intelligent young Philosophy student- who, unlike my previous girlfriends, is not a gamer and knows nothing about roleplaying. She's an artist, she enjoys science fiction and fantasy films but isn't a "genre geek", she's an occasional video gamer, and something of an intellectual- so I think she'd probably enjoy the hobby, at least as a casual player.

I have the perfect group to introduce her to gaming with- 3 male and 3 female players, all 20-23, socially presentable, mature, and with lives outside of gaming. We're all friends, and there's no real out of game tension...

The problem? We're playing Arcana Unearthed/Diamond Throne. With a group of seven players, in a system designed for experts. I'm running this game less violently and more role-play and problem-solving oriented, with an emphasis on moral dilemmas and characterization. Experience will be awarded for accomplishing goals, roleplaying, creating background material (poetry, stories, art, maps, journals), overcoming dilemmas (I'm going to put players in Prisoner's dillema type situations where they can cooperate and all win smaller amounts of experience, or compete for winner-take-all), and, yes, occasionally defeating major enemies (only significant, named villains will be worth anything- killing mooks won't net you anything. As the Diamond Throne setting is about choice rather than destiny, and individual determination, violence and killing should be a last resort, especially for characters of a more benevolent stripe.) I thought that changing the formula a bit would make a more interesting and less video-game like experience.

Of course, for a new player, dealing with an elaborate and convoluted ruleset (especially the spellcasting- egads!) could be very difficult, especially when we're busy wrestling with Aristotle and Aquinas in our academic lives. Not only that, with such a large (though friendly) group, I may not have enough time to teach a player completely new to roleplaying. One of the other players has taught three members of the group, however, and she's quite good at it... I haven't taught a new player in six years... and my padawan didn't turn out the best.

Now, I could try introducing her to a more basic D&D type game- but I don't think she'd enjoy it. Monster-hacking doesn't seem to be her type of thing, but I do think she'd enjoy my new AU game. So, should I invite her to the game or not? And, if I don't, how do I explain that I'm spending my Sunday afternoons with three other attractive young ladies? How would you handle this situation?

 

[thundershot]

For years, my wife-to-be would sit and listen to the rest of us game. She didn't want to play, just to watch, and enjoyed it. One day she decided she wanted to make a character, and the rest was history...


Chris

 

[mythago]

Possibilities:

1. Let her 'hang out' without having to actually participate in the game, to see what the interaction in a gaming group is like. She would be wise to bring a book.

2. Have her character be able to help the rest of the group, but not *required to*. (i.e., she shouldn't be playing the main tank or the only magic-user) Then she can jump in when necessary and sit back when she feels overwhelmed.

3. If she has problems with you socializing in mixed-sex groups without her, I think you have bigger problems than explaining gaming.

 

[jgbrowning]

I'd support thundershot's idea. If she wants to pick up the books and read or if she wants to just hang around (providing that she's not distracting, but she sounds like the type that wouldn't) let her. If you're aiming your game for more experienced players I wouldn't try to fit her in.

joe b.

 

[ruleslawyer]

Hi Tyler!

I'm probably the wrong person to reply, since I've never brought a girlfriend into my gaming group, but I'd say that from a more general relationship perspective, you've got two possibilities. Either your girlfriend is the type for whom sharing the important activities in your life is a serious priority, or she likes the idea of you going off and doing your own thing on occasion. (My current gf is in the latter camp, while my previous three have been in the former.) However, in either case, it's certainly a good idea to level with her about where you spend your Sunday afternoons, explain a bit about what RPGs are actually like, and ask her if she'd like to play. There's every possibility that she'll say no. As for the other women: I imagine that she'd have to be really, really jealous (and that tends to be a red flag for other issues in your relationship) to mind that you're sitting around a table with them. Most of us do that in any number of situations: Study groups, close working environments, bands, non-profit work, et cetera.

As for gaming instruction: My suggestion is to bring her in as a spectator for the first session, or to have her play a cohort if one is in the party, and to explain beforehand to the other players that she'll be coming in, it's her first RPG experience, and that she'll have a LOT of questions. Explain to her that she should ask as many questions as she feels like, and that people will be helpful in explaining the workings of the game. Give her the AU rulebook to read beforehand, assuming that she has the time to check it out. If she seems uninterested after flipping the book, that's another sign that she might not be so happy playing in your group.

Also, she will need a lot of hand-holding. See if you can get the experienced "player trainer" in your group to help her out; it'll also be a nice way of introducing her in a more friendly fashion to the other players.

I'd really suggest that you push a non-spellcaster PC on her. Spellcaster PCs are simply not an entry-level option even in D&D, and in AU, they're REALLY hard to make work without a lot of gaming experience. (I've been playing for over 20 years, and I'm still a bit scared at the idea of running an effective runesmith). The akashic and unfettered in particular have a lot of appeal for intellectual RPers.

Finally, feel free to come back to these boards on a continuing basis with any questions or quandaries you have; other folk with more experience in this sector than I have would be happy to help you out, I imagine.

 

[Dirt]

I've gone through a similiar situation introducing my wife to gaming. She reads voraciously (plenty of scifi and fantasy) and enjoys playing the occasional video game. But, introducing her to roleplaying was a different story entirely. I tried to immerse her in my campaign world, but instead wound up inundating her with too much information (I wrote an extensive character history with plenty of plot hooks). That was mistake number 1. Mistake number 2 was throwing her into an existing campaign. From my experience, it is easier introducing someone to gaming by starting a new campaign. Throwing a non-gamer into an existing campaign not only puts her at a disadvantage with the game mechanics, it also creates an environment where everyone but her has a history and familiarity with the various plots.

So, my suggestions would be:

1. Definitely go with the suggestion of letting her sit in and watch first. Tailor the adventure though, to make it interesting for her to watch. Capture her interest first.
2. if possible, start her with a new campaign (obviously, this is contingent on the other players being willing to do so).
3. Don't give her a difficult, convoluted background. Give her one or two plot hooks and let her go with it on her own time.
4. ruleslawyer suggested starting her with a non-spellcaster character. I'd actually recommend the opposite. It sounds like your campaign is much like mine - roleplaying centric. Giving her a "fighter" will just bore her. Let her play something more interesting. Give her a mage who wishes to solve philisophical quandaries...perhaps she believes that priestly magic does not come from a "divine" source, and instead pulls from a source similiar to those of mages...

 

[fusangite]

It's a shame you can't introduce her to the game via a more rules-light system. 3E D&D is a terrible system for introducing people to RPGs who are not already strategy or table top gamers. I would recommend you put the current campaign on hold and run a mini-campaign with your current group using a very RP-heavy rules light system. If she takes to that, then you can break her into your ongoing campaign.

If you feel you must keep running the current game without a break, I'd suggest a buddy system. Pair your girlfriend up with the player who has the most expertise in game rules and have him act as her "translator."

 

[Emirikol]

Don't do it man! Save your game and your friendships! "Couples gaming brings more problems than it's worth." It's best to get her into a different game on the same game night you play.

jh

 

[tonym]

The problem? We're playing Arcana Unearthed/Diamond Throne. With a group of seven players, in a system designed for experts.

Maybe consider generating a character with her and then do a short one-on-one adventure, just you and her. To get her feet wet before she jumps in the pool, so to speak.



Tony

 

[Dirt]

Don't do it man! Save your game and your friendships! "Couples gaming brings more problems than it's worth." It's best to get her into a different game on the same game night you play.

jh

Your friendships shouldn't suffer by introducing a girlfriend. Just treat her fairly, and you'll be fine. If this girl is someone that you are fond of, I see no reason that you should keep her out of gaming. On the contrary, encourage her to try it. You don't have to share all of your hobbies, but being able to share the time-instensive ones is a nice plus...