So, I can’t apologize for giving the PCs free rein. Good NPCs make good adventures, and this entry has plenty of options for good roleplaying, combat, stealth, or magic use.
The way I see it, if you are the sort of GM looking to "give players free reign" you're probably not going to be drawn to pre-made adventures, more setting books that give you ideas that you can plunk your PCs down in and run with. I absolutely think that your adventure makes a great setting, but if I was a new GM who bought it expecting to read it an hour before the game started and be able to run it, I would be sorely disappointed.
You gave histories, geography, some motives, and a hook, then said "have fun!" Ironically, I've never actually bought or run a pre-made adventure (I actually didn't know they existed until the first time I entered IronDM), but I get why people would buy them. You want neat situations, interesting scenes to present, detailed environments to interact with, tough choices to throw at your players, and you want to do it without having to design it all yourself.
I actually didn't know pre-made adventures existed until I entered IronDM for the first time and have never actually run one, but I'd assume that they are mostly for DMs that don't have the time, energy, experience, or willingness to craft their own. Your adventure gives them a rich setting to play with, but almost no structured pacing, scene layout, or adventure flow. Here's a rough equivalent:
"The PCs' boss, the ruthless sociopath Jimmy Joffa gets transferred via armed motorcade to the Federal Courthouse next week for his trial. The judge Welma Story, is a hardliner on organized crime, but it wouldn't be too hard to find out where her daughter goes to private school. Then there's paranoid Sally McTavit, a leak in the police force that might be able to get the location of safe-house where the key witness is being held if the price is right."
That's about what your adventure is like. A distinct setting, some cool stuff to do, some distinct personalities, a choice of paths, and a bunch of inspiration that a GM can use to put together a cool adventure...
if they are willing to spontaneously put together the scene when they PCs bust their boss from the armed convoy OR sketch out a private school and some complications with the kidnapping and interactions with the judge OR figure out what McTavit's price is and design a safe house location, security detail, witness, etc.
You've given a rich
scenario for a GM to play with - which makes sense given your Dungeon World predilections (DW rocks!) - but there's still a tremendous amount of work a GM would be required either before the game or improvised on the go to actually make it an adventure.
Even though I personally prefer more open-ended adventure scenarios like you present to let me fill in all the creative details, I don't believe that's what most people look for in a pre-made adventure.
As far as making a complete adventure in 750 words, I think most of the winning
first round entries from last year pulled it off. None of them were perfect - generally a bit too linear or a bit loose - but pretty much all of them managed to lay out a complete adventure within the word limits.
As hard as the 750 word, 6 ingredient, 24 hour time limit is, I think it's perfect. One of my
first round entries from years ago was twelve pages long and I can't tell you how much my IronDM and writing skills improved trying to compress it to two. I could see 1000 words as well, however...