IRON PC Game I
- Thread starter Drawmack
- Start date
Wicht
Hero
here's mine...
It's written from the perspective of a DM. I was thinking of a 'behind the scenes' villain when I wrote it and could see a couple plot hooks in the idea (including an irate goddess who wants her ancient temple undefiled)
Tribulus, Male Half-Elf Brd14: CR 14; Medium-size Humanoid; HD 14d6-14; hp 37; Init +5; Spd 30 ft; AC 17; Melee +13/+8 (1d6+1+1d10 Icy Burst Rapier) ; Ranged +11 (1d8+poison Crossbow); SA ; SQ Bardic Music, Bardic Knowledge, Immune to Sleep, +2 vs. Enchantments, Lowlight vision, Elven Blood; AL CE; SV Fort +3, Ref +10; Will +9; Str 8, Dex 12, Con 8, Int 14, Wis 10, Cha 18 (20).
Skills and Feats: Diplomacy +22, Gather Information +22, Hide +18, Perform +22 (17 ranks), Pick Pocket +18, Knowledge (Politics) +12; Dodge, Improved Initiative, Point Blank Shot, Quick Draw, Weapon Finesse (Rapier).
Spells Known: 0 – Dancing Lights, Detect Magic, Flare, Light, Read Magic, Resistance; 1 – Feather Fall, Identify, Magic Armor, Sleep; 2 – Cat’s Grace, Cure Moderate Wounds, Invisibility, Mirror Image; 3 – Bestow Curse, Charm Monster, Keen Edge, Major Image; 4 – Break Enchantment, Cure Critical Wounds, Improved Invisibilty, Modify Memory; 5 – Dream, Nightmare, Persistent Image (cast 4 / 4 / 4 / 4 / 4 / 1).
Equipment: +2 Icy burst Rapier, Scabbard of Keen Edges, Vial of poison (4 doses), light Crossbow, Cloak of Charisma (+2), Ring of Protection +2, Ring of X-Ray Vision, Leather Armor +2, Sash of Valor.
Appearance and Role-playing: Handsome and charming, Tribulus is always friendly to everyone, regardless of what he is planning for them. His clothes are always fashionable and he is seldom seen without his Sash of Valor. In court he plays the role of the statesman, standing tall and well groomed. In private however, he is manipulative and treacherous in his words and dealings. Tribulus avoids combat, knowing he is not built for it. The unseen knife in the back is more his style. Tribulus has pale skin, black hair, cut fashionably, and piercing green eyes.
Background]
Tribulus has from the beginning relied on his charming personality to get by. As a boy he was always something of a sneak and a con artist, and he only got better at it as he got older. Never as strong or as healthy as other boys, he found it was easier to smile his way out of problems than fight. A natural aptitude for music gained him the attention of a local bardic teacher who tried unsuccessfully to mend his pupil’s selfish ways.
Tribulus’ teacher eventually turned Tribulus out because of the young man’s lying tongue but Tribulus found a group of adventurer’s who accepted him and from whom Tribulus learned much of the world beyond his childhood village. Tribulus was not good in a toe to toe fight, but his conniving mind often found other solutions to problems.
Eventually Tribulus realized that adventuring could get him killed and began looking for another line of work. He soon found it as a court bard to a minor nobleman, a count. But Tribulus was ambitious and he soon found a way to work himself into the court of the king.
The count Tribulus was working for was dissatisfied with many of the policies of the king and had joined a rebel faction intent on overthrowing the king. Tribulus killed the count and rode to the king with proof of the rebellion. The king awarded Tribulus with a Sash of Valor, a royal decleration of honor (and one which Tribulus is seldom seen without) and made him a member of the royal court.
Currently Tribulus dwells in the royal court as an advisor and entertainer. But he also serves as a spy, both for himself and for the king. He often travels the halls of the castle, invisible, snooping on the lives of the courtiers. Some things he shares with the king in an effort to continue to make himself useful. Many things he keeps for his own use. There are few courtiers who are not being blackmailed by Tribulus in one way or another.
Aside from the castle, Tribulus also maintains his own private retreat. He does not live there but he uses the site when he wishes to get away, whether to relax, or to work on some nefarious scheme. The retreat is located in a secluded grove in the midst of one of the king’s forests and is only twelve miles from the castle. This area is seldom frequented by others but even so Tribulus has arranged illusions which prevent others from being able to find the exact spot. He himself discovered it whilst exploring the lands around the castle. It is the remains of a temple to Athena but has not been used as such in a long, long time. The upper part of the temple is almost gone, save for a few marble walls and a solid marble floor. A statue of the goddess still stands at the back, but its head is long gone. Underneath however is a collection of rooms that Tribulus uses as his own. The entrance to these rooms is trapped. The trap is not of Tribulus’ devising but he keeps it the way it is and has learned how to avoid it. A reverse spiked-pit trap is built into the ceiling just beyond the stairs leading down to the rooms. There are hooks on the floor that one may use to avoid the trap, but anyone walking through the area normally is struck with an anti-gravity field which propels them upwards into the twenty foot tall chimney/pit and onto the spikes.
Beyond this trap, Tribulus maintains a library, a music room, a bed chamber and several other areas in which he can experiment, study or relax.
It's written from the perspective of a DM. I was thinking of a 'behind the scenes' villain when I wrote it and could see a couple plot hooks in the idea (including an irate goddess who wants her ancient temple undefiled)
Tribulus, Male Half-Elf Brd14: CR 14; Medium-size Humanoid; HD 14d6-14; hp 37; Init +5; Spd 30 ft; AC 17; Melee +13/+8 (1d6+1+1d10 Icy Burst Rapier) ; Ranged +11 (1d8+poison Crossbow); SA ; SQ Bardic Music, Bardic Knowledge, Immune to Sleep, +2 vs. Enchantments, Lowlight vision, Elven Blood; AL CE; SV Fort +3, Ref +10; Will +9; Str 8, Dex 12, Con 8, Int 14, Wis 10, Cha 18 (20).
Skills and Feats: Diplomacy +22, Gather Information +22, Hide +18, Perform +22 (17 ranks), Pick Pocket +18, Knowledge (Politics) +12; Dodge, Improved Initiative, Point Blank Shot, Quick Draw, Weapon Finesse (Rapier).
Spells Known: 0 – Dancing Lights, Detect Magic, Flare, Light, Read Magic, Resistance; 1 – Feather Fall, Identify, Magic Armor, Sleep; 2 – Cat’s Grace, Cure Moderate Wounds, Invisibility, Mirror Image; 3 – Bestow Curse, Charm Monster, Keen Edge, Major Image; 4 – Break Enchantment, Cure Critical Wounds, Improved Invisibilty, Modify Memory; 5 – Dream, Nightmare, Persistent Image (cast 4 / 4 / 4 / 4 / 4 / 1).
Equipment: +2 Icy burst Rapier, Scabbard of Keen Edges, Vial of poison (4 doses), light Crossbow, Cloak of Charisma (+2), Ring of Protection +2, Ring of X-Ray Vision, Leather Armor +2, Sash of Valor.
Appearance and Role-playing: Handsome and charming, Tribulus is always friendly to everyone, regardless of what he is planning for them. His clothes are always fashionable and he is seldom seen without his Sash of Valor. In court he plays the role of the statesman, standing tall and well groomed. In private however, he is manipulative and treacherous in his words and dealings. Tribulus avoids combat, knowing he is not built for it. The unseen knife in the back is more his style. Tribulus has pale skin, black hair, cut fashionably, and piercing green eyes.
Background]
Tribulus has from the beginning relied on his charming personality to get by. As a boy he was always something of a sneak and a con artist, and he only got better at it as he got older. Never as strong or as healthy as other boys, he found it was easier to smile his way out of problems than fight. A natural aptitude for music gained him the attention of a local bardic teacher who tried unsuccessfully to mend his pupil’s selfish ways.
Tribulus’ teacher eventually turned Tribulus out because of the young man’s lying tongue but Tribulus found a group of adventurer’s who accepted him and from whom Tribulus learned much of the world beyond his childhood village. Tribulus was not good in a toe to toe fight, but his conniving mind often found other solutions to problems.
Eventually Tribulus realized that adventuring could get him killed and began looking for another line of work. He soon found it as a court bard to a minor nobleman, a count. But Tribulus was ambitious and he soon found a way to work himself into the court of the king.
The count Tribulus was working for was dissatisfied with many of the policies of the king and had joined a rebel faction intent on overthrowing the king. Tribulus killed the count and rode to the king with proof of the rebellion. The king awarded Tribulus with a Sash of Valor, a royal decleration of honor (and one which Tribulus is seldom seen without) and made him a member of the royal court.
Currently Tribulus dwells in the royal court as an advisor and entertainer. But he also serves as a spy, both for himself and for the king. He often travels the halls of the castle, invisible, snooping on the lives of the courtiers. Some things he shares with the king in an effort to continue to make himself useful. Many things he keeps for his own use. There are few courtiers who are not being blackmailed by Tribulus in one way or another.
Aside from the castle, Tribulus also maintains his own private retreat. He does not live there but he uses the site when he wishes to get away, whether to relax, or to work on some nefarious scheme. The retreat is located in a secluded grove in the midst of one of the king’s forests and is only twelve miles from the castle. This area is seldom frequented by others but even so Tribulus has arranged illusions which prevent others from being able to find the exact spot. He himself discovered it whilst exploring the lands around the castle. It is the remains of a temple to Athena but has not been used as such in a long, long time. The upper part of the temple is almost gone, save for a few marble walls and a solid marble floor. A statue of the goddess still stands at the back, but its head is long gone. Underneath however is a collection of rooms that Tribulus uses as his own. The entrance to these rooms is trapped. The trap is not of Tribulus’ devising but he keeps it the way it is and has learned how to avoid it. A reverse spiked-pit trap is built into the ceiling just beyond the stairs leading down to the rooms. There are hooks on the floor that one may use to avoid the trap, but anyone walking through the area normally is struck with an anti-gravity field which propels them upwards into the twenty foot tall chimney/pit and onto the spikes.
Beyond this trap, Tribulus maintains a library, a music room, a bed chamber and several other areas in which he can experiment, study or relax.
Sorry, everyone!
guedo79
Explorer
Xarlen vs. Guedo79
Well, here goes.
Farwin Short-Tail, Male Elf Sor10/Rog6: CR 16; ECL 16; Medium-size Humanoid (Elf); HD 6d6+10d4 - 16; hp 43; Init +5; Spd 30 ft; AC 18 (+3 ring of protection, +1 Dex, +4 Bracers of armor); Melee Adamantine Dagger/Dagger of Venom +13 (1d4+3/crit 19-20 x2); Dagger +12 (1d4+2/crit 19-20 x2) SA Traps, Medium Rogue Weapon Proficiencies, Light Armor Proficiencies, Sneak Attack +3d6, Evasion, Uncanny Dodge (dex bonus to AC), Uncanny Dodge(Can’t be Flanked); SQ Elven traits, Immun: Sleep, Low-light; AL N; SV Fort +6, Ref +9, Will +7; Str 14(base 9 + 6 belt of giant str), Dex 12(base 10 + 2 elf), Con 9, Int 13, Wis 7, Cha 17(base 13 + 4 cloak).
Skills and Feats: Bluff +18(15); Concentration +0(1), Disguise +10(7), Gather Information +18(15), Knowledge (arcane) +2(1), Scry +5(4), Sense Motive +10(12), Tumble +15(14); Combat Casting, Enlarge Spell, Extend Spell, Empower Spell, Improved Initiative, Track.
Possessions:
Weapons: Acid (flask) X 3; Alchemist's fire X 2; Dagger; Dagger, silvered; Dart X 5; Dagger of Venom; Adamantine Dagger.
Goods: Backpack; Bedroll; Bottle, wine, glass; Caltrops X 2; Candle; Chalk, 2 piece; Flask; Flint and steel; Grappling hook; Rope, hemp (50 ft.); Rations, trail (per day) X 5; Signal whistle; Signet ring; Waterskin (full).
Magic: Wondrous: Cloak of Charisma (+4); Wondrous: Bag of holding (Bag 3); Wondrous: Bag of tricks (rust); Wondrous: Boots of speed; Wondrous: Bracers of armor (+4); Ring: Invisibility; Rod: Security; Wondrous: Universal solvent; Wondrous: Eyes of charming; Wondrous: Amulet of Inescapable Location; Wondrous: Belt of giant strength (+6); Wondrous: Candle of truth; Ring: Protection +3.
Spells Known (Sor 6/7/7/7/5/3): 0 - Arcane Mark, Detect Magic, Detect Poison, Light, Mage Hand, Mending, Open/Close, Prestidigitation, Read Magic; 1st - Mage Armor, Protection from Evil, Protection from Good, Spider Climb, True Strike; 2nd - Alter Self, Bull's Strength, Detect Thoughts, See Invisibility; 3rd - Magic Circle against Good, Suggestion, Tongues; 4th - Arcane Eye, Polymorph Self; 5th - Sending.
Animal, Rat: None Animal, Rat ; CR 1/8; Tiny Animal ; HD 1/4d8 (Animal) ; hp 21; Init + 2; Spd 20, 15, Climb 15; AC 19; Atk +8 base melee, +13 base ranged; +13 ( 1d3-3, Bite ); SQ: Scent (Ex); AL N; SV Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1; STR 5, DEX 15, CON 10, INT 1, WIS 12, CHA 2.
Skills: Balance + 10, Climb + 12, Hide + 17, Move Silently + 9.
Feats: Weapon Finesse.
Background:
Farwin Short-Tail was born to Reait and Raispar Short-Tail the Tribe leaders of the Short-Tail clan. He was slowly groomed to follow in his father footsteps and lead the tribe when his time comes. The values of charisma, fast-talking, and balance was instilled in him. This would help him form alliances and gain backing of support of others. But before his basic training could conclude a large army of Gnolls attacked the Clan, few escaped. Farwin was able to get away with only his horse and only a few possessions.
Lost and hungry Farwin found his way to the city of Hawen, but with his lack of skills he was forced to pan handle. Slowly he worked his way up the beggar food chain, from a spot in the slums, to a space under the Ankh Bridge, to a small plot outside the market district. Soon he was faced with a choice, stay a beggar and never go anywhere or join the Thieves Guild. When a group of thugs from the guild showed up to help his thought process the choice was easy.
Once again he was slowly groomed to the ways of a thief. He learned how to read a person from body language, how to not show his own body language, and even how to disguise himself. Compared to his former life style this was a life of luxury. He had 3 squares, an income and a place to stay. They had him running one of the rickshaws. The High-ups pay a good penny to have someone run them around the city. It’s also the perfect way to gather information, sell information, or blackmail, since you have their undivided attention until you decided to take them where they are going.
Soon Farwin was able to shift his studies to magic. The head of the Guild’s assistant was Parry BlackHeart, a human wizard. His took Farwin under his wing. It turns out he was naturally talented in magic. All that he needed was a little focus. Soon after, Farwin greatly excelled in the act of magic and had learned to twist it to enhance his information trade.
Personality: Farwin has grown paranoid since his life of poverty. He has two main goals, gather information that is valuable to other and protect himself. In conversation he is cold and to the point. Rarely, does he show great emotion and is quick to start an argument. He takes pride in his strategic planning and does his best to always have a back up plan.
Well, here goes.
Farwin Short-Tail, Male Elf Sor10/Rog6: CR 16; ECL 16; Medium-size Humanoid (Elf); HD 6d6+10d4 - 16; hp 43; Init +5; Spd 30 ft; AC 18 (+3 ring of protection, +1 Dex, +4 Bracers of armor); Melee Adamantine Dagger/Dagger of Venom +13 (1d4+3/crit 19-20 x2); Dagger +12 (1d4+2/crit 19-20 x2) SA Traps, Medium Rogue Weapon Proficiencies, Light Armor Proficiencies, Sneak Attack +3d6, Evasion, Uncanny Dodge (dex bonus to AC), Uncanny Dodge(Can’t be Flanked); SQ Elven traits, Immun: Sleep, Low-light; AL N; SV Fort +6, Ref +9, Will +7; Str 14(base 9 + 6 belt of giant str), Dex 12(base 10 + 2 elf), Con 9, Int 13, Wis 7, Cha 17(base 13 + 4 cloak).
Skills and Feats: Bluff +18(15); Concentration +0(1), Disguise +10(7), Gather Information +18(15), Knowledge (arcane) +2(1), Scry +5(4), Sense Motive +10(12), Tumble +15(14); Combat Casting, Enlarge Spell, Extend Spell, Empower Spell, Improved Initiative, Track.
Possessions:
Weapons: Acid (flask) X 3; Alchemist's fire X 2; Dagger; Dagger, silvered; Dart X 5; Dagger of Venom; Adamantine Dagger.
Goods: Backpack; Bedroll; Bottle, wine, glass; Caltrops X 2; Candle; Chalk, 2 piece; Flask; Flint and steel; Grappling hook; Rope, hemp (50 ft.); Rations, trail (per day) X 5; Signal whistle; Signet ring; Waterskin (full).
Magic: Wondrous: Cloak of Charisma (+4); Wondrous: Bag of holding (Bag 3); Wondrous: Bag of tricks (rust); Wondrous: Boots of speed; Wondrous: Bracers of armor (+4); Ring: Invisibility; Rod: Security; Wondrous: Universal solvent; Wondrous: Eyes of charming; Wondrous: Amulet of Inescapable Location; Wondrous: Belt of giant strength (+6); Wondrous: Candle of truth; Ring: Protection +3.
Spells Known (Sor 6/7/7/7/5/3): 0 - Arcane Mark, Detect Magic, Detect Poison, Light, Mage Hand, Mending, Open/Close, Prestidigitation, Read Magic; 1st - Mage Armor, Protection from Evil, Protection from Good, Spider Climb, True Strike; 2nd - Alter Self, Bull's Strength, Detect Thoughts, See Invisibility; 3rd - Magic Circle against Good, Suggestion, Tongues; 4th - Arcane Eye, Polymorph Self; 5th - Sending.
Animal, Rat: None Animal, Rat ; CR 1/8; Tiny Animal ; HD 1/4d8 (Animal) ; hp 21; Init + 2; Spd 20, 15, Climb 15; AC 19; Atk +8 base melee, +13 base ranged; +13 ( 1d3-3, Bite ); SQ: Scent (Ex); AL N; SV Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1; STR 5, DEX 15, CON 10, INT 1, WIS 12, CHA 2.
Skills: Balance + 10, Climb + 12, Hide + 17, Move Silently + 9.
Feats: Weapon Finesse.
Background:
Farwin Short-Tail was born to Reait and Raispar Short-Tail the Tribe leaders of the Short-Tail clan. He was slowly groomed to follow in his father footsteps and lead the tribe when his time comes. The values of charisma, fast-talking, and balance was instilled in him. This would help him form alliances and gain backing of support of others. But before his basic training could conclude a large army of Gnolls attacked the Clan, few escaped. Farwin was able to get away with only his horse and only a few possessions.
Lost and hungry Farwin found his way to the city of Hawen, but with his lack of skills he was forced to pan handle. Slowly he worked his way up the beggar food chain, from a spot in the slums, to a space under the Ankh Bridge, to a small plot outside the market district. Soon he was faced with a choice, stay a beggar and never go anywhere or join the Thieves Guild. When a group of thugs from the guild showed up to help his thought process the choice was easy.
Once again he was slowly groomed to the ways of a thief. He learned how to read a person from body language, how to not show his own body language, and even how to disguise himself. Compared to his former life style this was a life of luxury. He had 3 squares, an income and a place to stay. They had him running one of the rickshaws. The High-ups pay a good penny to have someone run them around the city. It’s also the perfect way to gather information, sell information, or blackmail, since you have their undivided attention until you decided to take them where they are going.
Soon Farwin was able to shift his studies to magic. The head of the Guild’s assistant was Parry BlackHeart, a human wizard. His took Farwin under his wing. It turns out he was naturally talented in magic. All that he needed was a little focus. Soon after, Farwin greatly excelled in the act of magic and had learned to twist it to enhance his information trade.
Personality: Farwin has grown paranoid since his life of poverty. He has two main goals, gather information that is valuable to other and protect himself. In conversation he is cold and to the point. Rarely, does he show great emotion and is quick to start an argument. He takes pride in his strategic planning and does his best to always have a back up plan.
Drawmack
First Post
Guedo79 vs. Xarlen
Xarlen Round 1 Post
Abilities are a bit min/maxed with the cha of 22, which isn’t really necessary since you only need a 19 to cast 9th level spells, you also took hits on a lot of stats to do this. Low stats can make a character interesting so I’ll see if you back this up with the description.
Description is good it really let’s me see the character, though writing style could use a little work as the wording is confusing at times. I’ll chalk that up to time constraints thought. However it does end with and so on, which makes me curious about why you didn’t complete the description.
He is a sorcerer I would have liked to have seen the story of when his power manifested itself. Did he levitate candy to himself as a child? Did he cast fireball to save his mother? How exactly did his powers first manifest themselves.
Good use of the rickshaw. The Bull’s Strength is a second level spell and so he couldn’t cast it until fourth level. Since it is mentioned in the very beginning of his background this means that you started writing his background at fourth level. Why? What happened during all that other time? Did he get more powerful through what he encountered on the way to the city? This leaves an awful lot open.
Good use of the thieves guild, though as a member would he really have the time to start a second business?
Who runs his business while he’s out adventuring?
Okay here is how you rank up point wise, each category is on a 5 point scale.
Originality: The guy is a pretty unique character. I really liked the vision of him flying around the battlefield in his rickshaw being pulled by an air elemental. You did rely a lot on the strange stats to give him uniqueness but that’s what makes him playable. Though most of the things are just run of the mill, nothing extraordinary that really sets this guy out from the crowd of 16th level sorcerers. As boss of the company of sorcerers what makes him keep the position, especially when he’s out adventuring all the time? Also I would have liked a bit more detail on his company. 2 points awarded.
Playability: He has two places he can be almost forced to work. The thieves’ guild is probably pretty demanding when they need something and running his own business could demand attention at a very in opportune time. He gains power and influence in the town by casting for the people, so if he’s not there when someone needs him they might get resentful; but you covered for that with his business. Though he is a high level character and high level characters in a city are usually well connected. 3 points awarded.
Incorporation of the ingredients: The rickshaw is a great use of ingredients and really what I had in mind. The thieves’ guild is also a great use of ingredients, what thieves’ guild wouldn’t notice someone who willing buffs people up? You also used this to set them up as a major influence to the character, good job. On the other hand the use of the bull’s strength spell on people. I would really have liked to hear the story about the first time he did this, how did people find out about it in the first place? 4 points awarded.
Final Score: 9 of a possible 15.
Guedo79 Round I critique
The character was supposed to be a level 16 sorcer not a sor10/rog6.
I liked the way you worked rickshaws into the thieves’ guild, interesting and believable concept.
I’m going to jump right into the judging of this one:
Originality: The character is a pretty unique guy. Started his career as a beggar and has become a powerful rogue sorcerer. He was a beggar, then forced to join a thieves’ guild and from there he discovered a natural talent with magic. I have always thought of the sorcerer as just doing magic, like when Harry Potter frees the snake, and realizing their talents from that. I like the idea of the magical abilities not manifesting until they are tapped. Also a PC who has been a prince, a beggar, a beggar prince, a lowly thief in a guild, a student of the guild mage, and finally a powerful mage himself would be very interesting to play. I will grant 4 points for originality.
Playability: His current status with the guild is not explained? Is he still a rickshaw driver, if not what is he doing now? It does state that their guild’s head mage took Farwin under his wing, is he still under the master’s wing, has he become the master? Are his studies secondary to running a rickshaw, is running the rickshaw secondary to his studies or has he stopped running the rickshaw all together? As a DM what am I supposed to do with this character in the story, I can have no way of knowing because his current status is not explained or even really alluded to. By 16th level he should have some power in the guild and that’s not explained at all. Far as the background goes we’ve got a 16th level rickshaw driver who is a student of the guild mage. By this time he’d probably be teaching other guild mages and possibly running the rickshaw business. Though there are plenty of plot hooks and such he needs a more developed starting place. 2 points awarded.
Use of the ingredients: He was supposed to be a 16th level sorcerer, not a rog6/sor10. This was a very poor use of the ingredients; while I like the background story explaining it and awarded points in another category for that I must deduct points here because of that. The rickshaw’s as part of the guild was a complete stroke of genius. Very well explained and seamlessly integrated. The thieves’ guild though is another matter. Why did they want this beggar to join their party so badly? Was he stepping on their territory? Did he have friends in the guild who knew his potential? From the background you have this guy just sitting there begging and the thieves guild going hey we could use another beggar. Not very seamless or believable. 2 points awarded.
Final Score: 8 of a possible 15 points.
Final Judgement: Xarlen continues on to round 2, better luck next time Guedo.
Guedo: I am truly sorry for this decision. If I was asked which character I wanted IMC for a PC or an NPC the choice would be yours, though I would need more info on his current position in the guild and such. However Xarlen met the criteria of the game better.
Better luck next time Guedo.
Xarlen, from what I've seen from Wicht the next round is going to be harder on you.
Xarlen Round 1 Post
Abilities are a bit min/maxed with the cha of 22, which isn’t really necessary since you only need a 19 to cast 9th level spells, you also took hits on a lot of stats to do this. Low stats can make a character interesting so I’ll see if you back this up with the description.
Description is good it really let’s me see the character, though writing style could use a little work as the wording is confusing at times. I’ll chalk that up to time constraints thought. However it does end with and so on, which makes me curious about why you didn’t complete the description.
He is a sorcerer I would have liked to have seen the story of when his power manifested itself. Did he levitate candy to himself as a child? Did he cast fireball to save his mother? How exactly did his powers first manifest themselves.
Good use of the rickshaw. The Bull’s Strength is a second level spell and so he couldn’t cast it until fourth level. Since it is mentioned in the very beginning of his background this means that you started writing his background at fourth level. Why? What happened during all that other time? Did he get more powerful through what he encountered on the way to the city? This leaves an awful lot open.
Good use of the thieves guild, though as a member would he really have the time to start a second business?
Who runs his business while he’s out adventuring?
Okay here is how you rank up point wise, each category is on a 5 point scale.
Originality: The guy is a pretty unique character. I really liked the vision of him flying around the battlefield in his rickshaw being pulled by an air elemental. You did rely a lot on the strange stats to give him uniqueness but that’s what makes him playable. Though most of the things are just run of the mill, nothing extraordinary that really sets this guy out from the crowd of 16th level sorcerers. As boss of the company of sorcerers what makes him keep the position, especially when he’s out adventuring all the time? Also I would have liked a bit more detail on his company. 2 points awarded.
Playability: He has two places he can be almost forced to work. The thieves’ guild is probably pretty demanding when they need something and running his own business could demand attention at a very in opportune time. He gains power and influence in the town by casting for the people, so if he’s not there when someone needs him they might get resentful; but you covered for that with his business. Though he is a high level character and high level characters in a city are usually well connected. 3 points awarded.
Incorporation of the ingredients: The rickshaw is a great use of ingredients and really what I had in mind. The thieves’ guild is also a great use of ingredients, what thieves’ guild wouldn’t notice someone who willing buffs people up? You also used this to set them up as a major influence to the character, good job. On the other hand the use of the bull’s strength spell on people. I would really have liked to hear the story about the first time he did this, how did people find out about it in the first place? 4 points awarded.
Final Score: 9 of a possible 15.
Guedo79 Round I critique
The character was supposed to be a level 16 sorcer not a sor10/rog6.
I liked the way you worked rickshaws into the thieves’ guild, interesting and believable concept.
I’m going to jump right into the judging of this one:
Originality: The character is a pretty unique guy. Started his career as a beggar and has become a powerful rogue sorcerer. He was a beggar, then forced to join a thieves’ guild and from there he discovered a natural talent with magic. I have always thought of the sorcerer as just doing magic, like when Harry Potter frees the snake, and realizing their talents from that. I like the idea of the magical abilities not manifesting until they are tapped. Also a PC who has been a prince, a beggar, a beggar prince, a lowly thief in a guild, a student of the guild mage, and finally a powerful mage himself would be very interesting to play. I will grant 4 points for originality.
Playability: His current status with the guild is not explained? Is he still a rickshaw driver, if not what is he doing now? It does state that their guild’s head mage took Farwin under his wing, is he still under the master’s wing, has he become the master? Are his studies secondary to running a rickshaw, is running the rickshaw secondary to his studies or has he stopped running the rickshaw all together? As a DM what am I supposed to do with this character in the story, I can have no way of knowing because his current status is not explained or even really alluded to. By 16th level he should have some power in the guild and that’s not explained at all. Far as the background goes we’ve got a 16th level rickshaw driver who is a student of the guild mage. By this time he’d probably be teaching other guild mages and possibly running the rickshaw business. Though there are plenty of plot hooks and such he needs a more developed starting place. 2 points awarded.
Use of the ingredients: He was supposed to be a 16th level sorcerer, not a rog6/sor10. This was a very poor use of the ingredients; while I like the background story explaining it and awarded points in another category for that I must deduct points here because of that. The rickshaw’s as part of the guild was a complete stroke of genius. Very well explained and seamlessly integrated. The thieves’ guild though is another matter. Why did they want this beggar to join their party so badly? Was he stepping on their territory? Did he have friends in the guild who knew his potential? From the background you have this guy just sitting there begging and the thieves guild going hey we could use another beggar. Not very seamless or believable. 2 points awarded.
Final Score: 8 of a possible 15 points.
Final Judgement: Xarlen continues on to round 2, better luck next time Guedo.
Guedo: I am truly sorry for this decision. If I was asked which character I wanted IMC for a PC or an NPC the choice would be yours, though I would need more info on his current position in the guild and such. However Xarlen met the criteria of the game better.
Better luck next time Guedo.
Xarlen, from what I've seen from Wicht the next round is going to be harder on you.
Similar Threads
