Kicking out a player: share your stories/advice

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

I find that simply not inviting them works wonders. Easier than lying about the game not continuing. Take a brief haitus, if you must and then, in a couple of weeks, regroup without them.

However, if you're wanting to talk to them, set up a date to have coffee and say: "Hey - this just isn't working out. It's been fun, but you don't fit in the group dynamic."

Or, if you're not into face-to-face send an email. It's not the best way to do it, but it would work.

 

[Piratecat]

I really hate passive aggressive methods that "avoid" confrontation. I think that if you have to boot someone, have the cojones to do it privately, be honest with him and tell him exactly why. He doesn't have to like it, but he's going to have to accept it.

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

 

[Edgewood]

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

I agree with this. People don't want to get into a confrontation and will avoid it at all costs. I had to eject a player years ago and it was done honestly and upfront. He was a friend and in the end, we aren't any more. That may be too bad but perhaps he wasn't a friend worth keeping if he can't take the truth from me. it's not like I was insenstitive or mean about it, but I was upfront and told him that under no uncertain terms, he was gone.

oh well, you move on suppose.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I've really only ditched 2 people from my group. The first one wasn't showing up all that regularly (often without letting anyone else know) and 1 or 2 of my other players weren't overly fond of him. I just told him that I needed someone that could show up to the majority of sessions. He said that was fair enough but he couldn't guarantee that. It ended up being a relatively mutual parting of ways. I haven't heard from him since (we were acquaintances more than friends) but I think we ended on good terms.

The other one was a friend of mine who I would best describe as a bit of a hermit. He's a little bit strange and lacking in social skills. He wasn't really adding a lot to the game but the main reason I ditched him from the game was his hygiene, or rather his lack of it. We would catch the train to my house together after I finished work. The 5-10 minute car ride from the train station to my house was ok to begin with but started to get worse.

It got so bad that I had to put an air freshner in my car and either wind down my window or put the air conditioner on. It gets worse though. After each game session there would be a layer of crud around the chair where he was sitting. Hair, dirt, bits of food and other unidentifiable objects seemed to form a circle around his seat. To make matters worse, when we first started playing I (stupidly) said that he could stay over when we had a game session and catch the train into town with me in the mornings. (He doesn't have a driver's licence and we normally finish after 11pm on a weeknight).

If he leaves a ring of crud around his chair when he is just sitting in the one spot, you can imagine what it would be like after he had slept in one of our beds. He didn't shower in the mornings before we left (or change clothes, brush his hair, teeth or anything like that), so his smell would be even worse.

In the end, he wasn't contributing to the game at all and me and my wife got sick of cleaning up his crud piles after every session. I took the easy way out here and told him that we weren't playing anymore. We then continued playing as per usual, replacing him with someone else. It's been about 6 months now and I'm happy with my decision.

In hindsight I probably should have just confronted him about the issues I had with his hygiene and poor social skills. However, I really didn't want to have to deal with it. If you can't be bothered showering and wearing clean clothes every day then it is not my responsibility to fix it. Maybe that's not how a real friend should have responded to the situation, but I feel totally at ease with my decision.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I really hate passive aggressive methods that "avoid" confrontation. I think that if you have to boot someone, have the cojones to do it privately, be honest with him and tell him exactly why. He doesn't have to like it, but he's going to have to accept it.

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

I generally agree with this, yet at the same time, I booted someone using a passive aggressive method that you hate. Maybe I'm a hypocrite, but in my situation, I just felt that there were way too many issues for me to deal with.

In my example, poor hygiene and poor social skills were in some ways just the tip of the iceberg. If I had laid out all the things that I took issue with it would have been a really long list. Going on past experiences with this particular person, I really doubt that it would have made any difference to how this person acted and looked after himself.

I also don't feel it is my responsibility to make sure that my friends wash themselves on a regular basis. Excluding those that are physically or metally disadvantaged in some way, you should be at least be able to take care of that by yourself. Maybe that means I'm

If it is poor behaviour, or something along those lines I can deal with it. Explaining the concept of regular washing and the basics of what is generally considered to be polite in group situations is beyond what I will put up with.

Just my 2 cents on it.

Olaf the Stout

 

[ShinHakkaider]

I really hate passive aggressive methods that "avoid" confrontation. I think that if you have to boot someone, have the cojones to do it privately, be honest with him and tell him exactly why. He doesn't have to like it, but he's going to have to accept it.

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

So true. Just be straight up and tell them what the issue is and why they're not being invited back. If there are words to be had let them come out but at least you were honest and not playing some game for the sole purpose of avoiding a confrontation.

 

[shilsen]

I really hate passive aggressive methods that "avoid" confrontation. I think that if you have to boot someone, have the cojones to do it privately, be honest with him and tell him exactly why. He doesn't have to like it, but he's going to have to accept it.

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

One more agreement. I would always go for the honest approach. If you lie, go passive-aggressive, sneak around and try to game without the person finding out, etc then you're always going to have to worry about the person finding out and the situation getting worse. That's the big advantage with being honest - you don't need to remember who you said what to. Life's too short for me to weave a tangled web.

 

[Rl'Halsinor]

I really hate passive aggressive methods that "avoid" confrontation. I think that if you have to boot someone, have the cojones to do it privately, be honest with him and tell him exactly why. He doesn't have to like it, but he's going to have to accept it.

The idea of lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When they find out you lied to ditch them, it's even worse -- and if you don't tell them what they're doing wrong, they can't help improve it.

QFT I couldn't have said it better. Is it painful in the beginng to tell the truth as kind but as firm as possible? Yes. But...

Then you can get on playing without lying, sneaking, and pretending otherwise.

 

[pogre]

I've always have called the player and said the "chemistry" in the group just was not working and it was not their fault, but they were going to have to go. Some folks are pretty bitter about it, but it has saved my game a couple of times.

 

[Arashi Ravenblade]

We finally got rid of a problem player. Though it had nothing to do with my game. IN fact it was my sisters boyfriends game that was played a few hours after mine.
My sister told this problem player that they werent even going to let him make a character if he coudlnt make it every week due to the nature of the game.

He just stopped showing up. later my brother talked to him at school and this guy said he was mad at a certain person in the group.