Kissing a shy girl.
- Thread starter RangerWickett
- Start date
First things first : I'm EVER so happy for you. wish you the best.
On a "I remember my first" note, I do. I was 14, on holiday. There was this girl, and both I and another guy liked her. We spent a lot of time together, the 3 of us, spent evenings together running about the hotel, played all day in the pool. One afternoon, it was me and her in a corner, and it happened - she kissed me.
What I found out the following day is she'd become the other guy's g-friend on the first day we'd all met. (Yes, I'd never realized. I WAS that dense.) When I asked why she'd kissed me, reply was "well you looked SO sad... I... I felt sorry for you, and after all it wasn't such a big deal for me to do that, cost me nothing." I was so hurt I actually didn't know what to answer.
My wife once said she'd love to meet that girl. I don't think anything nice would ensue, for the girl anyways.
On a "I remember my first" note, I do. I was 14, on holiday. There was this girl, and both I and another guy liked her. We spent a lot of time together, the 3 of us, spent evenings together running about the hotel, played all day in the pool. One afternoon, it was me and her in a corner, and it happened - she kissed me.
What I found out the following day is she'd become the other guy's g-friend on the first day we'd all met. (Yes, I'd never realized. I WAS that dense.) When I asked why she'd kissed me, reply was "well you looked SO sad... I... I felt sorry for you, and after all it wasn't such a big deal for me to do that, cost me nothing." I was so hurt I actually didn't know what to answer.
My wife once said she'd love to meet that girl. I don't think anything nice would ensue, for the girl anyways.
likuidice
First Post
Thread hijack:
I'm kinda having a relationship problem too, gaming related. My girl is threatening to leave me. The problem seems to be that she thinks gaming is for kids. I've already cut down from 2 nights a week to just one, killing an eberron campaign I was running in the process. But this still isnt enough. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. she has basically told me to grow up. The thing is, she's met the rest of the guys, thinks theyre cool. I've explained to her that gaming is just for fun, but she has this idea that all I do is think about gaming. Simply because I buy a new book each month, and play (or used to) twice a week, though i spend almost all the rest of my time with her, i've invited her to play, so she can see what goes on, but shes not interested. I really care about her, but i'm totally stuck.
I'm kinda having a relationship problem too, gaming related. My girl is threatening to leave me. The problem seems to be that she thinks gaming is for kids. I've already cut down from 2 nights a week to just one, killing an eberron campaign I was running in the process. But this still isnt enough. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. she has basically told me to grow up. The thing is, she's met the rest of the guys, thinks theyre cool. I've explained to her that gaming is just for fun, but she has this idea that all I do is think about gaming. Simply because I buy a new book each month, and play (or used to) twice a week, though i spend almost all the rest of my time with her, i've invited her to play, so she can see what goes on, but shes not interested. I really care about her, but i'm totally stuck.
Kathaer, I'm Italian, I'm a bard, I love pizza and spaghetti and I have moustache (well a goatee actually). But I couldn't play a mandolino to save my life.
Likuidice... yours isn't a simple situation. I believe this : we, each of us (us being "human beings") deserves respect for what we are, whatever that is, as long as this "whatever" does not come to harm anyone. That said, I believe we also deserve to have that "someone special" in our life be the first to give that respect. So, if this person does not understand and respect your hobby, you should deeply consider HER maturity. I know it's not easy. When we love someone, we want to see the best and only the best about them, and we pretend bad things aren't there. But I believe that (OF COURSE, as long as your hobby does not detract from your time and caring for your g-friend. It also goes with what I said before that the "someone special" in our life should always be our first and foremost concern.) you deserve for her to respect your hobby, and not consider it "childish". If she can't... perhaps this is not the relationship of your life. And this has nothing to do with WHAT your hobby is. It has to do with mutual respect and caring.
Likuidice... yours isn't a simple situation. I believe this : we, each of us (us being "human beings") deserves respect for what we are, whatever that is, as long as this "whatever" does not come to harm anyone. That said, I believe we also deserve to have that "someone special" in our life be the first to give that respect. So, if this person does not understand and respect your hobby, you should deeply consider HER maturity. I know it's not easy. When we love someone, we want to see the best and only the best about them, and we pretend bad things aren't there. But I believe that (OF COURSE, as long as your hobby does not detract from your time and caring for your g-friend. It also goes with what I said before that the "someone special" in our life should always be our first and foremost concern.) you deserve for her to respect your hobby, and not consider it "childish". If she can't... perhaps this is not the relationship of your life. And this has nothing to do with WHAT your hobby is. It has to do with mutual respect and caring.
ironmani
First Post
Try this. I use to game twice a week, blah, blah, blah. All that stuff. My wife finally got pissed at me since she felt I wasnt spending any time with her. So I compromised. I cut back to once a week gaming, and made sure I spent time with her. Just asking, "So how was your day." and actually listening, and not just nodding, does wonders. She still gets pouty when I go off to play a pick up game here and there, but she knows I'll....uh make it up to herlikuidice said:
If she totally like "Its the games or me." this wont be the only time she pulls that card.
Nellisir
Hero
likuidice said:
This is going to sound harsh, but...let her go. You have a right to activities that you enjoy, particularly ones that you engaged in before you met her. For her to "basically" tell you to grow up shows a lack of respect that probably wouldn't go away even if you did quit gaming. Furthermore, her willingness to end the relationship over it raises a big red flag -- how long is she going to stick around during a real problem?
My wife thinks RPGs are boring, but I think the same about working out at the gym* or playing volleyball, so we're accept that we're even -- and I'm actually home alot more often than she is.
Cheers
Nell.
*I watch what I eat and my job is very physical -- I'm in good shape. I just can't do the whole gym thing.
Rel
Liquid Awesome
likuidice said:
I gotta go with the others on this one. There are probably people out there who will tell you that your relationship is more important than some game. But it isn't the game that is the problem. The problem is RESPECT.
She doesn't respect you. She may say she does and she may even think that she does. But if she did then she wouldn't belittle and hold hostility toward something you enjoy that does not in any way harm her. If your passion was for a dangerous sport or for gambling away your paycheck at poker night every week then she might have a leg to stand on. But the only stress your gaming causes her is that it is time that you are not spending being with or thinking about her.
I sincerely doubt that this behavior will stay confined to this single issue. Particularly if you cave and she sees that the "do what I want or I'm leaving" card works. That path leads only to the life of the miserable, henpecked husband so far as I can see.
I know it sounds funny, but I think you're in a "win-win" situation here if you stand up to her. If you tell her that gaming is not illegal, immoral or fattening and if it bothers her enough then the door is right over there, she'll either stay or leave. If she stays then she'll have learned that you are willing to fight for things that are important to you and may even learn some respect for you. If she goes then I think you will be better off with someone else in the long run anyway.
I wish you luck and strength.
Last edited:
Henry
Autoexreginated
RangerW, my man, I wish you both luck and the best of times.
Likuidice, I was going to post, saw Rel's post, and now just want to say, "ditto" to that. My wife, who is not a gamer, has no interest in gaming, and thinks it's her husband's "cute hobby", has respect for me and the time I desire to put into it. As long as I take care of home responsibilities, as long as I dedicate a reasonable portion of the week to seeing to her needs, and as long as I'm not doing anything harmful to myself or others, she sees to it that I get what I want in terms of gaming time. The ratio is different for each person, but if someone has no respect for who you are before marriage, they won't magically have respect after marriage, either.
It's an issue you need to sit down with her and sincerely talk about. If she feels like she's not getting something from you that she needs, then's the time to hear it. If all she wants is for you to stop gaming because "it's silly" or it makes her embarrassed with her friends, or something similar, then she needs to understand that it'll be a permanent part of your life, like sports, or a profession you enjoy, or a child from a previous marriage.
Likuidice, I was going to post, saw Rel's post, and now just want to say, "ditto" to that. My wife, who is not a gamer, has no interest in gaming, and thinks it's her husband's "cute hobby", has respect for me and the time I desire to put into it. As long as I take care of home responsibilities, as long as I dedicate a reasonable portion of the week to seeing to her needs, and as long as I'm not doing anything harmful to myself or others, she sees to it that I get what I want in terms of gaming time. The ratio is different for each person, but if someone has no respect for who you are before marriage, they won't magically have respect after marriage, either.
It's an issue you need to sit down with her and sincerely talk about. If she feels like she's not getting something from you that she needs, then's the time to hear it. If all she wants is for you to stop gaming because "it's silly" or it makes her embarrassed with her friends, or something similar, then she needs to understand that it'll be a permanent part of your life, like sports, or a profession you enjoy, or a child from a previous marriage.
Likuidice, I think people are jumping the gun on giving you advice here.
It all depends on how committed you are to this woman and how easy it would be for you to find another satisfactory partner. If you are very committed to this person and think it would be very very difficult to find a worthy partner in future, perhaps you should cave in to these admittedly unreasonable demands.
It all depends on how committed you are to this woman and how easy it would be for you to find another satisfactory partner. If you are very committed to this person and think it would be very very difficult to find a worthy partner in future, perhaps you should cave in to these admittedly unreasonable demands.
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