[life] what should I do?

[der_kluge]

I can't agree with SubMensa enough that your wife and daughter go at the top of the heap - if you don't have them, what the heck are you working for? You won't believe all the changes your daughter will go through and things you will miss in 6-9 months. I know its cliche, but nobody on their deathbed ever thinks, "I should have spent more time in the office."

<all good advice deleted>

And if nothing else, maybe that guy in Office Space had it right, and digging ditches as a good, honest living isn't so bad....

Or maybe that 3rd one is just me projecting my wishes onto you.

I've at least considerd that option. I figured, "hey, I'm an intelligent, hard-working guy; I could do just about anything if I put my mind to it." That's harder in practice, because it's not about what you know, but who you know, and I just don't know the right kind of people. It's also next to impossible to go from making what I make in I.T. to making the same amount in another field.

 

[ashockney]

die_kluge, it sounds like you've got some tough decisions to make. I've not made such a big move, so I can't offer much in the way of advice. One of my good friend made just such a move from Columbus, OH to Washington, DC. It sounds familiar (particularly the high housing costs). I can understand this a little more in DC, but that seems a little crazy for Richmond?!? If you'd like to get in touch with him, let me know by email. I'm guessing/hoping someone on the boards wlil be in the Richmond area, and provide even better advice for you.

As far as tackling the decision: ratchet up the communication, re-examine your priorities/plans, and make a decision together. Whatever decision you make, commit to it, and give it 110%.

As a banker, I will warn you that the banking/finance business is a tough one to be in. The business will DEFINITELY be dictated by operations/marketing. Due to the fact that competitors are coming from every direction, with enormous resources, it is very hard to be competitive. Really hard. Most companies in the financial sector can't cut expenses enough, and it won't ever stop. Having just joined a smaller company (2,000 employees) there are some distinct advantages. You will be near the top of the food chain at that pay rate. You will have opportunities and expectations that you have probably never seen at a much bigger company. The company will most likely experience more growth as well, which means a more career opportunities. It also means more risk, however. Know that going into it, and be sure that there are other comparable opportunities available to you in the area.

Whatever you decide, remember that it will be you that makes it succesful. I'm sure you will be a great asset, regardless of the company you decide to support.

 

[drothgery]

A little quick poking around on Realtor.com and MSN maps shows that Richmond's about 100 miles from DC, and largely immune from DC-area housing price insanities. I searched for 4-bedroom+, 2.5 bath+, 1/2 acre+ homes less than 5 years old in the Richmond area, and sorted by price; it seems like you should be able to find something reasonable for your family for under $300K, and probably for under $250K.

Also, while I've done the pick-up-everything-I-own and move to the other side of the country thing for myself (and don't regret it a bit, even with insane San Diego housing prices that keep me in a one-bedroom apartment), doing it when you're single is a lot easier than picking up and moving to the other side of the country when you've got kids and strong ties to family in the area you'd be leaving (and, well, my only perspective there is from being the kid when my parents did this a few times, and, well, it's not fun if you're an overly introverted type who's slow to make friends).

 

[der_kluge]

I had a long chat with my sister tonight, and my problem was that I didn't know the area well enough to know *where* to look for houses, so the first search I ran was Reston, VA. Big mistake, apparently. Yes, they do seem much, much more reasonable. I think it definitely eased my wife's fears.

My niece was like "they're going to move out here?! When?!"

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Take the chance.

Go with "What's in your wallet?"

CASH, BABY! I GOTZ ME A JAY OH BEE!!!!

 

[DaveStebbins]

A little quick poking around on Realtor.com and MSN maps shows that Richmond's about 100 miles from DC, and largely immune from DC-area housing price insanities.

Right. I did a quick search on "cost of living calculator" and ended up on Realtor.com also. Looks like Richmond is about 20% higher CoL than KC, but that's just at the highest level of output. You could go into much greater detail at this and similar sites.

The precise reason why these decisions are so hard, is also why they are good things: they make you search your soul for what is important in your life. Obvioulsy, family is important to you, but it also sounds like your career is important too, so it might be a good idea to get some experience in a new company.

Do the research, both external and internal, give it a little bit to seep in, and go with your heart. It sounds like all three choices have up sides.

 

[Levitacus]

I assume Capital One is offering to give you a visit for you to see the area and meet the managers you would be working with. Take them up on it and bring your wife along. It's a free trip, allows you to see the area and catch up with your sister as well as check out the real estate situation.

Because you have a guaranteed job for at least a year, that leaves you in a pretty good position. As others have pointed out, you can keep working hard and show them you are a valauable employee. Even if they are eliminating your specific position, in a large company there are generally other good positions available. Often they will consider you for a position that you're not necessarily completely qualified for if you have been a good employee and they feel you are worth the additional training. With plenty of guaranteed employment staying with IBM allows you to decide if you want to make a career there. If you find after 6 months that they're not a good fit, you can always start looking for a new job.

Good luck.

 

[MonsterMash]

Die Kluge,
I can't help with advice on comparison between VA and KC - live the wrong side of the atlantic for that sort of thing. And being in the UK where I think we tend to end up living closer to our families (not that hard, we're a small island) its not so easy to say how important that proximity is.

It does look like the Capital One job is a bit superior, but its a hard choice to have to make. I just hope that what you and your wife decide works out well for you.

Like you I'm an IT professional so I know about the joys of a shrinking job market, having been made redundant last year, though I was lucky enough to get another job without any really long period of unemployment. Got to say that things are starting to look up a bit in the UK for technoology jobs, and hopefully its not a false dawn.

 

[Treebore]

Richmond. there is also a job market there. Plus commuting can substantially lower your housing cost. Maybe even enough to make the commute cost effective.

Richmond. the humidity kind of sucks, but it is nice enough of a city, as far as cities go. Or see about moving to Arizona. Try for the Flagstaff area. It is gorgeous around there. The Verde Valley area is fantastic too. For god's sake stay away from Phoenix! Tuscon is better, but not by a lot.

Charlotte, NC is another possibility, but I believe most of the IT jobs there are for Microsoft and are essentially contractor positions. I would say move out here to "Silicon Valley", but it is hard to get permanent positions with benefits. Most work is through employment agencies such as Kelly's.

Also try government. They always have need of network admin types in lots of areas of the country. If you are ex-military its even better. Try the OPM website. Plus they help pay for your move, when it is authorized for the job position.

Good luck, and keep looking for alternatives.

 

[Krieg]

1. This is a decision you have to make on your own. Nothing anyone is going to say here will make it any easier for you.

2. Send me your resume and I will float it with folks that I know.