Living with someone of the TV generation

[tonym]

Watch TV with her, then, when a commercial comes on, BLAM, mute the sucker and begin talking about something not related to TV. Also let her know that you'd like her to look at you while you talk during commercials.

If her eyes keep drifting back to the tv, say, "honey?"

OVER TIME, THIS WILL WORK WONDERS AND SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!

Okay, the last sentence was an exaggeration.

PS: Eventually she will say "This is my favorite commercial!" to try to get you to un-mute a commercial. Start planning your clever response right away, to change the subject. I suggest, "Britney Spears is pregnant."

Tony M

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

I definitely think counseling would help her. It sounds like she's still very attached to her mother, whatever she might say, and she still sees the tv as comforting because it replaces her parent.

No, not attached. Trained. She's just watching the TV the way she was taught to for 20 years. I know she's not using it as a replacment for her mom, as her mom lives just down the road & we see her every week.

She has just learned you watch TV that way. Much like she learned the 'correct' way the toilet paper roll on the dispensor goes is so that the TP goes under. Everyone knows the only 'true' way to load the TP roll is over

 

[I'm A Banana]

TiVo.

It will save your sanity and hers. The TV can't demand your attention if you can pause, rewind, fast-forward and skip commercials.

Repeat it with me: TiVo is good. TiVo is great. I surrender my will, as of this date...

 

[reveal]

TiVo.

It will save your sanity and hers. The TV can't demand your attention if you can pause, rewind, fast-forward and skip commercials.

Repeat it with me: TiVo is good. TiVo is great. I surrender my will, as of this date...

I've seen a few people mention Tivo. I don't think it's a good idea. It's a stop-gap solution at best. Straight forward talk and/or counseling is the best advice I've seen.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Straight forward talk and/or counseling is the best advice I've seen.

Straight forward talk is always a good idea, but I really don't see any need for counseling.

We all get really into some hobbies. It's different for each person. Sometimes it's TV. Sometimes it's the computer. Sometimes it's working on the car. Sometimes it's playing a D&D game.

We all have times when we're doing what we like and we don't want interruptions. For his wife, it's TV.

It's more about controlling and regulating that time so that it doesn't hurt other things. You're not going to "cure her of a TV addiction," because it's obviously pretty deeply ingrained in her. You're going to have to live with her liking TV and not liking to be interrupted while doing her thing. That usually involves working with her, not trying to fix her.

TiVo helps control and regulate it. It helps the TV obey your schedule. And once it does that, you can easily pause the thing without loosing steam in the advent of a mild emergency.

It's like, if you were in the middle of a battle session, just about to roll the 3rd rounds' attack rolls, and your wife or husband comes into the room and starts talking to you about taking the trash out. It's an interruption into your hobby, something you love doing. TV is something she loves doing.

 

[reveal]

Straight forward talk is always a good idea, but I really don't see any need for counseling.

We all get really into some hobbies. It's different for each person. Sometimes it's TV. Sometimes it's the computer. Sometimes it's working on the car. Sometimes it's playing a D&D game.

We all have times when we're doing what we like and we don't want interruptions. For his wife, it's TV.

It's more about controlling and regulating that time so that it doesn't hurt other things. You're not going to "cure her of a TV addiction," because it's obviously pretty deeply ingrained in her. You're going to have to live with her liking TV and not liking to be interrupted while doing her thing. That usually involves working with her, not trying to fix her.

TiVo helps control and regulate it. It helps the TV obey your schedule. And once it does that, you can easily pause the thing without loosing steam in the advent of a mild emergency.

It's like, if you were in the middle of a battle session, just about to roll the 3rd rounds' attack rolls, and your wife or husband comes into the room and starts talking to you about taking the trash out. It's an interruption into your hobby, something you love doing. TV is something she loves doing.

If your hobby caused you to tune out everything around you, disregard everyone else around you, cause you to miss things that are important in your life, cause you to hurt other people you hold dear to you, and you know all this yet you continue to do it, day in and day out, it goes beyond being a hobby and into the realm of being an addiction. That's what it sounds like is happening to Vraille's wife.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

If your hobby caused you to tune out everything around you, disregard everyone else around you, cause you to miss things that are important in your life, cause you to hurt other people you hold dear to you, and you know all this yet you continue to do it, day in and day out, it goes beyond being a hobby and into the realm of being an addiction. That's what it sounds like is happening to Vraille's wife.

Actually Addiction is too strong a word. Maybe. Habit is perhaps a better term. When something slides from habit to addiction is a hard thing to judge, but I'd say habit.

Afterall, I CAN pull her away from the TV for an extended period. But, once the tube goes on again, the same 2d6 Int/Wis drain kicks in.

Once more refining my request. Ways to help my wife learn how to WATCH TV, not be COMPLELTLY ABSORBED into it.

Thanks for all you help so far.

 

[Desdichado]

I have no intetnion to fight for my marriage. I intend to fight for my wife. We were very good friends before getting married and still are. I have will not fight for my marriage, I will work on my relationship with my wife. (oh, no kids).

Well, isn't that what they're saying? I didn't interpret that as "fight WITH your wife" but as "fight FOR your wife."

I don't know what to tell you though. My wife and I have very different attitudes about TV as well, but they're also very different from yours. I don't multitask well; when the TV is on, it's hard for me not to focus on it, and I do dislike interruptions. However, I also don't particularly like to watch TV, so I don't do it very often. And even then, I'd rather rent a show on DVD and watch it more conveniently than watch it when the network decides to play it with commercials. And yes, I know what TiVo is, but no thanks.

My wife, on the other hand, loves to watch TV, but watch is a generous interpretation of what she does. She turns it on, and largely ignores it. With the exception of a few shows (like the Gilmore Girls), it doesn't even particularly matter what's on. She got that from her parents too--I've been in their house many times where the TV was on in a room with no people because hey, it's just always on. She likes it as something in the background while she's doing other things; it helps the house not feel so quiet during the day, or whatever. Frankly, I like to do exactly the same thing, but with music, so I understand it, it just clashes with my attitude about TV.

We've compromised over it; if she wants to talk to me, she either mutes or turns off the TV most of the time, and only has it on when she's working on something that would curtail her ability to hold a steady conversation anyway (which is very frequently) and I've gotten better at ignoring shows that I don't want to watch (which is almost all of what she watches.) And, if our goal is to spend time together, unless we're specifically watching something, we don't have the TV on. Does that mean that we spend many evenings doing separate things in separate parts of the house for a couple of hours or more at a time? Well, yes, but we're both OK with that as long as we both make time to ensure that that doesn't always happen.

I think the moral there is you can't solve it on your own, and neither can she. You both have to accept (to some extent) the different viewpoints you have on TV and make allowances for each other rather than take a "my view is right, so you have to change!" attitude. I'd suggest that you tell her what your concerns are, but also offer up something along the lines of, "hey, certain shows I'm sure you want to watch without interruption, and I can respect that if you don't get so absorbed into just whatever the hell is on," kinda routine.

 

[I'm A Banana]

No offense, rev, but that sounds a little melodramatic.

From the examples I can see, this is pretty much the exact same thing as the oh-so-cliche "guy who pays no attention to his wife when The Game is On."

Not paying attention? Trying to see it around other people? Being rude to those who interrupt it? "Yeah, uh-hu, okay" and then no memory?

TV is obviously fullfilling some need for her that the Real World can't or won't or doesn't. The idea isn't to ween her off of TV, it's to make it so TV doesn't control what she does. The best way to do that is to take control of TV. TiVo (or just a VCR and some blank tapes, possibly) helps one to do that. It's not herself she needs control over. She's no more "addicted" than the guy who wants to watch the World Series without being interrupted.

I've seen similar cases with other hobbies, and it's a normal, accepted part of life. I wouldn't suggest that someone who reads until sunrise instead of sleeping needs a counselor for it, or is unhealthily "addicted to books," despite the harmful effect it probably has on their daily life.

VD, I don't think you will ever really stop your wife from being ABSORBED by the TV, barring some dramatic, lobotomizing incident. What you can do is control the times in which she can be absorbed by it, so that it doesn't hurt your life. When your wife is watching TV, don't make steak. Don't try to discuss things. Catch her on a commercial break, and ask if when the show's over, you can talk, or make dinner, or whatever. Being absorbed by the TV is something she likes and has gotten used to. So I'd suggest living with it, but not letting it control everything.

 

[reveal]

Actually Addiction is too strong a word. Maybe. Habit is perhaps a better term. When something slides from habit to addiction is a hard thing to judge, but I'd say habit.

Afterall, I CAN pull her away from the TV for an extended period. But, once the tube goes on again, the same 2d6 Int/Wis drain kicks in.

Once more refining my request. Ways to help my wife learn how to WATCH TV, not be COMPLELTLY ABSORBED into it.

Thanks for all you help so far.

If she feels a compulsion to repeatedly go back to the television, even though she doesn't like what it does to her (as you've said before she feels guilty after doing it in certain situations) then I would at least call it obsessive, if you think addiction is too strong a word.

Ways to help her simply watch tv?

1) Talk to her about her anger when you call her away from the TV. Let her know that you understand what she's doing is important to her, but that what you are calling for is equally important to you (whether it be things on fire in the backyard or simply the beauty of the birds singing).

2) Gently start coaxing her away from the TV and take her out somewhere. Get her out of the home and away from the "idiot box." Do something just for her and tell her how special she is and how much you miss her when she's so involved in the program.

3) If she's the scheduling type of person, set a TV watching schedule.