Losing gamers to "relationship-land"

[Silver Moon]

Today I was introduced by a member of my gaming group to his former girlfriend. He told her that I was the one who he "used to play D&D with". He has been an active member for 18 of our group's 21 years, his three year absence being in 1997 to 1999 when he was last dating her. He has missed the last few games, and they are now apparently back together. This was the first indication we've had that we might not be seeing him again.

Have many of the rest of you run into this? I guess I'm spoiled being married to an avid gamer, and having had several couples in the gaming group before.

 

[Crothian]

Ya, I lost a really good gamer to a gf. We saw it coming for months ahead of time. He really likes gaming and had been playing with us for 4 years. However, she didn't understand gaming and we knew she was giving him grief for hanging out with us and not her. For about 6 weeks straight she always called him on game night and it really discrupted everything.

 

[Darius101]

Happens ....it just does.....

I have been gamining for over 25 years and have seen this happen allot. Some guys come back to the group but most opt for the girl instead...til she leaves, cheats on him, or they are no longer a couple. (unless of course you one of the lucky few to find a girl interested in you game
Recently ....it happened again. We understand ...stay friends and move on. (sounds like any relationship doesn't). It is not a refelction on you or your gaming group when somebody leaves a gaming group under these circumstances it happens man. Eventually they will see the light and return...some do not and that is cool. You game for as a social activity not to control somebodies life.
Just me $.02
Darius

 

[Silver Moon]

Re: Happens ....it just does.....

You game for as a social activity not to control somebodies life.
Just me $.02

Oh, don't get me wrong - I have no problem with my friends wanting to have happy relationships, and have no desire to control anyone's life. I just don't see why the two have to be mutually exclusive. My brother has a serious relationship with a girlfriend, and they go out several nights a week, but he also enjoys his weekly game night as well.

 

[Sanackranib]

game vs. girl

unfortunatly I have expirenced this from both ends. about 7 years my ex-wife told me If I didn't give up gameing she was gonna move on. (I would love to say that I would miss her here but I made the Dumbass mistake of dumping my gaming stuff then when everything fell appart between us all I had kept were my dice, so I had to re-purchase everything all over again. I'm not going to be making THAT mistake again!

 

[KnowTheToe]

It happens. It is healthy for people to develope an intimate (not necessarily sexual) relationship by creating a different facet of their personality that is created by massive amounts of interaction with their lover. I dissed my friends for two years and would not trade that ime in for all of the world. It is just a game. I think many people need to repeat that. It is just a game, a relationship can be so much more and sometimes needs lots of time to develope.

M@

 

[Hygric]

Several of my group (including myself at one stage) have had to make hard choices between spending a saturday gaming or with our partner.

I explained to my partner that this was how I spent time with my friends, and I wanted to stay close with my friends. She was dubious at first until I pointed out that I could be spending this time with my mates down at the local pub getting sloshed every saturday if I wasn't a gamer. She thought that role-playing nights were a good idea after that.

One of my group is in an even worse position at the moment, he gets his kids every second weekend, and their is no choice between seeing his kids or gaming (and rightly so). He plays every fortnight now, and is relatively happy with that.

 

[Eternalknight]

For me it has always been a case of 'take me for what I am.' If the girl doesn't like it, bad luck. Luckily, I've never had the problem.

 

[Larry Fitz]

My take is that a healthy relationship does not require all of your time. No one person can be everything to another. The best relationships allow for those involved to have a few interests that are seperate, not divisive, just seperate. It is very difficult to schedule a group of 5-7 adults on a bi-weekly or monthly basis for a game long term. A romantic interest who is jealous of your hobby, but does not want to become part of it, is being unreasonable. If they ransom their affection to you then how important is your happiness to them? Marriage and children is different. Those responsibilities are more important than a leisure time hobby and I think everyone going into those propositions agrees and accepts those differences. These are just my opinions and observations of course, but you are welcome to use them in your own life...

edit: added the word "not" where it was needed to make me correct, as opposed to being wrong....

 

[National Acrobat]

I don't get it

When I met my wife 10 years ago I had already been gaming for 15 years. It was my major hobby, along with my band. The band ended for various reasons, I told her gaming wouldn't. My wife, bless her soul, is a psychologist and she understands that A) you cannot spend every waking moment together, B) it is unhealthy to not hang with your friends and C) that you should want to be with someone for what they are and you should not go about changing them. I am lucky.

We are currently going through this problem with another member of our group, who got married 2 years ago and his wife still gives him grief about wednesdays. She thought things would change after the wedding and she doesn't understand how the other 3 wives can 'allow' this to happen. He dropped out for about 2 months but is back. We'll see how long. This is the first time in the 10 year history of our current group that this has happened.

My 2 cents worth.