EcCenTriC fairy
First Post
My boyfriend started dating me and got ME into D&D. I doubt I would have ever tried it if not for him. 
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Losing gamers to "relationship-land"
- Thread starter Silver Moon
- Start date
Eternalknight
First Post
EcCenTriC fairy said:My boyfriend started dating me and got ME into D&D. I doubt I would have ever tried it if not for him.
Welcome to EN World, EcCenTriC fairy!
Zappo
Explorer
I, too, don't see why the two should be mutually exclusive. On top of that, personally I can't conceive a person who loves me AND wants me to give up my favorite hobby. It's not a matter of whether I am willing or not to drop a major part of my life. It's a matter of: does a person who makes me such a request really love me?
Larry Fitz
First Post
Yes welcome Fairy! And congratulations to your boyfriend on finding a woman open minded enough to embrace his hobby and savvy enough to come to EnWorld!
Corinth
First Post
This is a major issue with me. There are few things I hate more than someone messing with my crew, and should it happen I'll do again what happened last time: the three stages of intervention, capped by me throwing the offending outsider out of town. An SO that don't care for my crew won't be an SO for long.
The Sigil
Mr. 3000 (Words per post)
My take...
Look at the title of your thread...
Loosing gamers to "relationship-land"
Take a closer look.
"Loosing" usually means "letting go."
Like it or not, you have a relationship with the other gamers. Not usually an intimate one, but your demands are as real as those of a SO, even if they are different demands.
In my experience, it is better to "loose" a gamer to a relationship (let them go) than to try to hang on to them. They'll be miserable because they're neglecting a relationship either way - either they're neglecting their SO or they're neglecting you. Thus, make sure you're not around them when they're miserable. Let them be miserable around the SO.
Seriously, it's a test of your (gaming) relationship with your friend. If s/he ultimately decides the SO is more important, that is his/her decision to make. In my experience, though, it may take time, but eventually most gamers who have gamed more than casually find that gaming is an integral part of themselves and come back to the gaming fold. They either convince their SO that they're miserable without gaming or they flat out leave their SO to come back (possibly making sure that any future SO will accept their hobby).
Either way, don't put yourself in the position of being the wedge. Let them learn for themselves.
My attitude when dating - and I think it was a healthy one - was "I won't get involved in a relationship that involves me 'having to change' to fit the other person." I know there will be change and growth over time naturally. That's fine. But the other person must accept me for what I am now and the potential they see in my based on what I want to be - not what they want me to be. I found my wife, who is okay with my gaming, even if she doesn't want to partake (she tried it twice, decided it wasn't for her, and I respect that decision - I'm not trying to 'change her' either). I really can't imagine it any other way. Anyone who tries to tell me what I am allowed to like and dislike is going to be history in a hurry.
Basically, I want someone who was willing to help me get where I want to go - and not try to change my path to somewhere they want me to go. Ideally, we are both trying to get to the same place (and we are) but there is wiggle room for the route taken.
--The Sigil
Look at the title of your thread...
Loosing gamers to "relationship-land"
Take a closer look.
"Loosing" usually means "letting go."
Like it or not, you have a relationship with the other gamers. Not usually an intimate one, but your demands are as real as those of a SO, even if they are different demands.
In my experience, it is better to "loose" a gamer to a relationship (let them go) than to try to hang on to them. They'll be miserable because they're neglecting a relationship either way - either they're neglecting their SO or they're neglecting you. Thus, make sure you're not around them when they're miserable. Let them be miserable around the SO.
Seriously, it's a test of your (gaming) relationship with your friend. If s/he ultimately decides the SO is more important, that is his/her decision to make. In my experience, though, it may take time, but eventually most gamers who have gamed more than casually find that gaming is an integral part of themselves and come back to the gaming fold. They either convince their SO that they're miserable without gaming or they flat out leave their SO to come back (possibly making sure that any future SO will accept their hobby).
Either way, don't put yourself in the position of being the wedge. Let them learn for themselves.
My attitude when dating - and I think it was a healthy one - was "I won't get involved in a relationship that involves me 'having to change' to fit the other person." I know there will be change and growth over time naturally. That's fine. But the other person must accept me for what I am now and the potential they see in my based on what I want to be - not what they want me to be. I found my wife, who is okay with my gaming, even if she doesn't want to partake (she tried it twice, decided it wasn't for her, and I respect that decision - I'm not trying to 'change her' either). I really can't imagine it any other way. Anyone who tries to tell me what I am allowed to like and dislike is going to be history in a hurry.
Basically, I want someone who was willing to help me get where I want to go - and not try to change my path to somewhere they want me to go. Ideally, we are both trying to get to the same place (and we are) but there is wiggle room for the route taken.
--The Sigil
mythago
Hero
Not scanning here. Is the "crew" your personal property? Are SOs kidnapping them at gunpoint?
Some people are not able, or unwilling, to choose to be in a healty relationship. A healthy relationship is one where your SO respects and honors your having a life outside of him/her, and where you are able to spend reasonable amounts of time on both the SO and your hobby.
It's amazing how many people prefer drama-filled relationships where they get their SO and their buddies to fight over them.
Redleg06
First Post
I've seen gamers dump their hobby for a girl friend. But to tell you the truth, dropping a hobby for a relationship with a significant other is not an inherently bad thing. I find that most gamers are like me and have SEVERAL hobbies, of which RPGs are just one. When you start a relationship usually a lot of other pass-times gotta go. Sometimes even gaming!
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