Lurker in need of help with psychology assignment

[Torm]

So what, your kid touches the stove, you gonna spank them to make sure they're not going to do that again? Allow me to introduce you to Pavlov. I think the stove pretty much took care of any need of doing that.

No lad, ya missed it. When they reach for the stove, you DON'T LET THEM TOUCH IT! But, since you have now removed the possibly permanent damage that would have resulted in the Pavlovian effect you refer to, you have to replace that with the temporary pain of spanking, that will leave no lingering effect except the desired psychological one.

Of course, if they DID already touch it, then you're absolutely right - no reason to spank then.

P.S. "Lad", above, is not meant condescendingly. I seem to be rotating through accents today for some reason.

 

[devilish]

Don't know about others, but I don't remember my groundings .... they were
just a fact of life, happened to friends, didn't really phase us.

But I remember every spanking. And the one time my father hit me is one of the
few memories that is permanently imprinted. I think good memories of people
are wispy in the mind but bad ones are concrete -- my thoughts on how the
human brain works.

I'd much rather have memories of being grounded, not being hit.

 

[Desdichado]

I was about to respond, but it looks like Torm and Wulf have jumped in before I had a chance to.

Spanking is never a desired outcome for a parent. I try to avoid it as much as possible. There are times, especially with my three year old, when nothing else causes him to pay attention to something I'm trying to teach him that is very important. I actually agree with you on the stove; I'd rather see a kid learn himself with a minor 1st degree burn that heals itself in a few days and really teaches him an important lesson better than I could, but I'd also love to see you try to apply Pavlov's logic to playing in the street. You don't say, "well, I guess he learned his lesson" after someone gets run over by a car.

I do, however, have a very strong distaste for when folks cannot distinguish between spanking and child abuse.

 

[der_kluge]

This reminds me of one of my favorite Onion "articles". Had a picture of a girl cowering in the corner with a teddy bear, and at the bottom it said:

"Child abuse: when is it too much?"

 

[devilish]

For my 2 coppers (before this thread is sunk into the sea) ...

It's all in the delivery --- when my parents hit, they were usually angry.
When they grounded, they were calm and methodical and passing sentence.

I knew a fellow who spanked his kids but said he always did
it calmly ... sent them to their room after the incident, talked to them about
it, and then delivered the punishment. While better than my parents, this
still rubbed me the wrong way.

With my kids, if they do wrong, they get THE GLARE. If after that,
they keep it up, they get sent to the corner or their room. I can _feel_ the
impulse to spank them well up in me sometimes, thinking "this is the only
way the message will sink in", but I push it aside.

To my surprise, I have found that the "time-out" and THE GLARE work
wonderfully. It even helps with the "running into traffic" -- I can give THE GLARE
at a distance and they stop -- as opposed to "You get back here right now, mister,
or you'll get a spanking!"

YMMV,
-D

PS I don't look down at 'spankers' (I'm sure that has other connotations in the
Queen's English ) -- to each is own. Just 'splaining why I chose
my way.

 

[Desdichado]

Don't know about others, but I don't remember my groundings .... they were just a fact of life, happened to friends, didn't really phase us.

But I remember every spanking. And the one time my father hit me is one of the
few memories that is permanently imprinted. I think good memories of people
are wispy in the mind but bad ones are concrete -- my thoughts on how the
human brain works.

I'd much rather have memories of being grounded, not being hit.

But that's the point. I don't remember the groundings, and I didn't really learn much from them. They didn't phase me either. When I was spanked, I learned something.

Like I said earlier, I certainly wasn't excessively spanked as a child -- for one thing, I wasn't that bad of a kid. But I was spanked on occasion. However, I absolutely was not ever abused.

 

[Torm]

For my wife, btw, the stove scenario is not hypothetical - she knocked a pot of boiling water down on herself when she was little, and I can promise you she'd rather remember getting a spanking than have the scarring she has on both collarbones because of it. And she was lucky it landed there - it doesn't really affect her looks, it is even rather nicely symmetrical, but it bothers her sometimes.

As for my memories of spanking, I may have a bit of a bent mind , because one of my fondest childhood memories is of a day when I was 12 when my mother tried to spank me for something I had done, and I couldn't stop laughing, and we both broke down laughing before it was over at how ridiculous it was for her to try. (I was already about 3 inches taller than her, and had been taking lessons on pain control in martial arts classes.)

 

[devilish]

As for my memories of spanking, I may have a bit of a bent mind , because one of my fondest childhood memories is of a day when I was 12 when my mother tried to spank me for something I had done, and I couldn't stop laughing, and we both broke down laughing before it was over at how ridiculous it was for her to try. (I was already about 3 inches taller than her, and had been taking lessons on pain control in martial arts classes.)

It's all in the context --- one of my worst childhood memories is my last
spanking; though the actual story is funny.

My brother was teasing me like crazy ... he brought me to tears and made fun
of me crying on top of whatever he was teasing me about. I could think of nothing
to say .... so I blurted out "YOU A******!"

My mother heard that and came running for me. I ran into my room, looked for
a place to hide and dove into a toy chest. She ran in, looked around and saw
that I vanished. Panicked (because she thought I may have jumped out the
window) she shrieked "WHERE ARE YOU?"

I said "If I tell you, will you promise not spank me?" Picture it --- this tiny little
voice coming from a toy chest....thinking that she's not smart enough to
figure out where the voice is coming from.

"I promise."

"I'm in the toy chest."

Lid flips open and I get the worst spanking of my life!

Cute story -- and the 'abuse' is probably more from the broken promise and
the injustice of my brother getting away with something more significant
than my swearing -- but the context was wrong. Spanking, in my opinion,
is wrong when done in anger and without just causes/options/etc.

 

[Desdichado]

Cute story -- and the 'abuse' is probably more from the broken promise and
the injustice of my brother getting away with something more significant than my swearing -- but the context was wrong. Spanking, in my opinion, is wrong when done in anger and without just causes/options/etc.

I can agree with that, certainly.

 

[Torm]

She lied to you, and spanked you for language. Neither of those would be acceptable in my house. :\