Mac saves teen from D&D

[Desdichado]

All the threads cropping up mean to me is that people like sex. Really, they all say the same thing "I'm happy with my life, but there just aren't enough women out there who will like me the way I am." This statement I believe to be true. The number of males who are more strongly focused on gaming is larger than the number of females who are. This creates an imbalance and men who are perfectly happy with their life except for the lack of sex or romantic companionship get frustrated.

Are you reading the same threads I am? Also, loneliness and frustration != happy.

Whereas the number of women who are willing to date guys who have an unhealthy obsession with sports is nearly as high as the number of men who like that sort of thing, so you don't get that type of person complaining about it. (of course, this is entirely based on superficial life experience, mostly having to do with almost every beer bellied sports fanatic I know being married to women who have no problem with their behaviour, whereas most geeks I know who are married have had to tone down their geeky activities dramatically in order to get women, some have to stop all together)

Let me paraphrase that as I heard it and see if it sounds reasonable still. Then you can tell me that that's not at all what you meant.

"It's not fair that these other guys get to have hobbies that are socially acceptible and they still get laid. How come I can't be like that with D&D? Life is so unfair, and it's all society's fault."

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

Are you reading the same threads I am? Also, loneliness and frustration != happy.

So, let me get this straight, if you wanted a really expensive car, and were jealous of other people who could afford it, you are unhappy?

That's the way I look at it, women are ONE part of life. I am reasonably frustrated at not having a gf right now. Doesn't mean I'm lonely. I have a bunch of friends that spend most of the weekend at my house doing stuff, I get invited to go places with them. I wish I could have a gf, but that doesn't make me unhappy. I AM happy, I could just be happier yet. I don't think of happiness as binary.

When you have 90% of the things in your life working the way you want them to, but the 10% eludes you, you still try to seek it out, but you don't disrupt the 90% of things in order to try to get that 10%, otherwise it's defeating the purpose. In other words, if you are basically happy with a life of playing D&D, good for you, it may be hard to get a woman who is happy with that life, but why get rid of everything you like about life in order to get one more thing about life who may not even make you happier than you are now.

Let me paraphrase that as I heard it and see if it sounds reasonable still. Then you can tell me that that's not at all what you meant.

"It's not fair that these other guys get to have hobbies that are socially acceptible and they still get laid. How come I can't be like that with D&D? Life is so unfair, and it's all society's fault."

Of course it's not FAIR, if life were fair it would mean that everything bad that happens to us happens because we deserve it. It just IS, no big deal. More women like sports than D&D. But, I don't believe that inherently means that people who like D&D a lot are obviously wrong and need to change. It IS societies fault, I don't believe the society we have now is caused by anything more than random chance and that what is socially acceptable 100 years from now will likely be completely different from now.

Then again, you have to accept that random chance ended up with society the way it is. I'm willing to accept that as a pretty big geek I have a couple of options when it comes to women: a) Do what I like in life, enjoy it and hope that I eventually run into someone who likes the same things I do, b) change to become a more desirable man for the opposite sex, losing things I like about life in the process, or c) forget about ever getting a woman

I've already decided that one of the 3 will, in fact, be my fate for the rest of my life. Right now, I'm sticking with A. I have met 2 women already who accepted me the way I am, and I think there are more out there. Just have to be patient.

 

[Kanegrundar]

Anytime I read a post with some derogatory comment like "beer-bellied sports fan" just destroys the arguement. Not only does it sound like sour grapes, but it also is doing the one thing that has been bandied about this thread: labelling and sterotyping. Not all sports fans are obnoxious fat bastards just like all geeks are socially inept creepy dorks. If you don't want aspersions cast upon you or your hobby don't doo the same thing to others.

Plus, if a guy has to give up something he enjoys just to be with a woman be it sports, gaming, gambling, hunting, whatever, he's in a relationship that is doomed to failure. All he (or she) is doing is settling on someone because they don't want to be alone. Anyone that would give an ultimatum like that isn't worth the time to be with. Hands down.

 

[Kanegrundar]

That's the kicker, MO. Changing to become more socially acceptable and/or attractive to the opposite sex doesn't always mean giving up the things you love. So you spend a few hours a week not watching that new anime video or planning for the next game. It's all a matter of budgeting your time and deciding that being alone isn't worth *all* the time spent on your hobbies. Sure, I know you're not "alone", but hanging out with your platonic friends never gives you the satisfaction that being with a significant other.

A little change is a good thing.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

Anytime I read a post with some derogatory comment like "beer-bellied sports fan" just destroys the arguement.

Well, I was referring to the bad type of sports fan as opposed to all of them, which is why I included the description. I know sports fans who are fine. I know a couple who sit on the butts from the time they get home to the time they go to sleep watching sports news, followed by some sports event, the entire time with beer in their hands, yelling at their wives to bring them more. These people exist, I know a couple. Their wives love them, despite being treated horribly. Yes, I don't understand it. But I've seen it.

Just like there are bad examples of gamers, there are bad examples of sports fans. What I was saying is that the worst in the sport fan category are still married. The worst in the gamer category post messages here about why they can't find women.

 

[Desdichado]

When you have 90% of the things in your life working the way you want them to, but the 10% eludes you, you still try to seek it out, but you don't disrupt the 90% of things in order to try to get that 10%, otherwise it's defeating the purpose. In other words, if you are basically happy with a life of playing D&D, good for you, it may be hard to get a woman who is happy with that life, but why get rid of everything you like about life in order to get one more thing about life who may not even make you happier than you are now.

Ah, so you're reasonably reasonable after all. I was hoping that more clarification would show that to be the case.

Then again, you have to accept that random chance ended up with society the way it is. I'm willing to accept that as a pretty big geek I have a couple of options when it comes to women: a) Do what I like in life, enjoy it and hope that I eventually run into someone who likes the same things I do, b) change to become a more desirable man for the opposite sex, losing things I like about life in the process, or c) forget about ever getting a woman

There's nothing random about the development of society; it's completely driven by the individuals who make it up. Today's society is noticable different from society when I was a teenager, just fifteen or twenty years ago. That's not accidental either; society has evolved because most of the members of society have wanted it to.

Also your options are missing a very notable one that's been pointed out many, many times in this thread. You don't have to give up D&D, or find a gamer girl, just to "have it all." You may have to tone down your D&D obsession if it really is an unhealthy, obsessive, "lifestyle" thing for you--and I guess you're saying that that shouldn't be the case?

I guess that's where I disagree. If you (not you specifically; this is the generic you) aren't willing to at least give a nod to society's rules, then you don't have any ground to stand on when you complain about how society treats you. And if you're so dysfunctional that you can't find a way to both have a relationship with a woman and play D&D, and you'd rather play D&D, then you really don't have any grounds to complain about it. It's really not as hard to "have it all" as you make it out to be.

 

[I'm A Banana]

I consider D&D/RPGs a dedicated hobby, that I play once a week (~4 hours), and "work on" a couple hours a week between sessions. In all my years of playing, through highschool teenhood, college/career twenties, and familyman thirties, I've never found D&D to interfere with any other aspect of my life.

I've never thought I had to quit gaming to pursue any other activity. If a "geek" can't get a girl, it's not D&D's fault. There are plenty of non-gaming "geeks" who can't get girls, too.

Yeah, I don't mesh with maddman on this count, either. I have never really felt a need to give up D&D to become normalized. I don't think it is, strictly speaking, nessecary to give up a hoby just to become a well-adjusted person. Some of the most well-adjusted people I know have some hobies that I'd never be down with (*cough*LARPers*cough*), but we can still meet on common ground and not have this gulf between us, prohibiting interaction. The exception is when you are obsessed with the hoby enough so that it starts being unhealthy, unstable, and harmful to your happiness and the happiness of those around you. When you eat, drink, sleep, and breathe a particular hobby (or a particular anything), it becomes an unhealthy fixation, because the world is multifaceted.

So giving up D&D to chase skirts might be nessecary for some, and for others, D&D might just be part of what they give up to become a more well-adjusted person. And for others, D&D is just part of what they do on the weekends. Like a poker game or a sports event, it's just one of those things that happens. I'd hardly define everyone who goes to a football game in the same way, and most open-minded people wouldn't define everyone who plays D&D and perhaps enjoys Star Wars the same way, either.

And it should also be noted that the only person who can make you happy is you. Happiness does not, cannot, depend upon factors that you can't control. It must come from within, and flow to those around you, not be given to you on a silver platter. To find satisfaction with life is your own job, not society's, not your girlfriend's, not your God's. If you can make yourself content and confident, the world's no picnic, but at least you can live with the ants.

 

[Storyteller01]

It will call him back, yes it will...it's always calling, calling, calling...

Yes, the cards always call...

*waitwronggameoops*

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

And if you're so dysfunctional that you can't find a way to both have a relationship with a woman and play D&D, and you'd rather play D&D, then you really don't have any grounds to complain about it. It's really not as hard to "have it all" as you make it out to be.

It might be, it might not. I don't have enough experience to say 1 way or another (I'm only level 2, still need a lot more XP ).

So far, I've found that it's hard enough to find a woman who will accept the fact that I play D&D at ALL, beyond that finding one who will accept that I play twice(sometimes 3 times) a week (which I still don't consider excessive, YMMV) is very hard. Plus, I like D&D enough that I've proven to be boring to people who are more of the mindset "I'm willing to ignore the fact that you play something I don't understand". I'm pretty much sure I'd need someone who played as well so they at least understood what I am talking about.

My humor tends to even get game based (see the above bad joke about not having enough experience). I don't consider myself to be obsessed, but I do like RPGs a lot.

I CAN find a way, and have (been in 2 seperate relationships that lasted 3 and a half years each). But I can tell you that if either of them had decided not to play D&D with me, they would get frustrated and leave unless they were really patient. My second relationship sort of ended that way, my ex-gf had a phobia of...well, strangers as far as I could tell. She liked games and wanted to play things with me, but she had never met some of my friends and refused to play games with them because "they might hate [her]". So, she made me go without her. So, our relationship was strained because she then resented me going to play games without her, but I only got frustrated because she refused to come with me. I'm a little bit more sociable then her.

 

[I'm A Banana]

I'm pretty much sure I'd need someone who played as well so they at least understood what I am talking about.

You can wait for your dream girl, or you can be proactive, go out there, and find her.

Note: to be proactive, you must be willing to change yourself into someone who can talk about many things.