My last gaming session made me uncomfortable...

[Arravis]

To answer, I think what bothered me most is that I've never said anything so masogynistic in my life with women present. It's one thing kidding around with the guys, most of that kind of talk is meaningless. But, having the subject there with you... that gives it a very powerful impact. It would be like having one of my black friends at the gaming table, and directing the N-word at them through an NPC's speech.

It's not an issue of me being squimish, it's not an issue of me not being willing to take things to a "mature" level. I can describe cruelty, torture, murder, and other such things all day as a DM. But those aren't the kind of things that a player is likely to experience in their life when he or she leaves the game. Those things are, at their essence to our banal existance, a fantasy. Racial epithets or sexist comments though are things they may experience, and probably have. That makes them all the more real then some abstract comments or descriptions of things are (hopefully) never going to happen to any of us.

As far as having a couple involved in a D&D game, we've had no problems ourselves. If anything, I tend to be slightly harder and less lenient on her then on the other players. I do try to be as fair and neutral as possible though.

 

[Mystery Man]

Next thing you know you're going to be wearing smoking jackets, swapping partners, spending money on exotic lotions and scented candles...

 

[freebfrost]

To answer, I think what bothered me most is that I've never said anything so masogynistic in my life with women present. It's one thing kidding around with the guys, most of that kind of talk is meaningless. But, having the subject there with you... that gives it a very powerful impact. It would be like having one of my black friends at the gaming table, and directing the N-word at them through an NPC's speech.

So if your group had consisted entirely of men, that would have been ok?

Or to turn that around, if the group had been made up entirely of women, and your wife was running a male character that was hit on by an aggressive woman NPC, would that have been ok?

It's not an issue of me being squimish, it's not an issue of me not being willing to take things to a "mature" level. I can describe cruelty, torture, murder, and other such things all day as a DM. But those aren't the kind of things that a player is likely to experience in their life when he or she leaves the game. Those things are, at their essence to our banal existance, a fantasy. Racial epithets or sexist comments though are things they may experience, and probably have. That makes them all the more real then some abstract comments or descriptions of things are (hopefully) never going to happen to any of us.

So you don't have any realism in your game? No politics, religious wars, gender differences, bigotry? No racial tensions (elves not liking dwarves, etc.)?

These things are present in gaming - its just been sanitized and given a more PC form - i.e. it's not humans discriminating against other humans, its them discriminating against orcs. But the concept is the same. It's those kind of dynamics that make a fantasy game seem real - and its a part of our gaming experience.

I've been in your situation and let the chips fall where they may. Sexist comments and all. I've also done the same thing to my male players and made them the target of sexism.

I think it adds to the experience myself.

 

[devilish]

Playing D&D is much like acting -- you take up a role of 1 person (if you're a player)
or multiple (if you're DM).

You should look upon it as good DM'ing that you could go beyond yourself and
act out a ruffian seamlessly. If you didn't, then you would be applying your
personal RL alignment against a character and it would make the portrayal
very flat and cardboard-like.

Unless you "take the character home" as can happen to some actors who then have to
step away from it for a bit (like what I've read of Apocalypse Now), you shouldn't
have any worries.