New Player out of Nowhere!

[Vyvyan Basterd]

I can't judge whether you're overreacting. I don't agree with all the "DM Approval" replies so far, I think it is more of a group decision (obviously talking about the person here, not their character). Does the game take place in your home? As wedgeski said it would be rude to invite someone without asking. Did you tell your players you were looking for more? If so, I'd be careful to not jump too hard on the gung-ho player who found you another. Do you trust the person who invited the new player? This would be big to me. If a relative newbie to the group invited someone to my home, I wouldn't be happy about that. But I'll trust a friend not to bring someone obnoxious and I'll agree to invite them into my home without meeting them. But, my friends have always asked, not told me, that they would like to invite new players to my home.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

I am in complete agreement with Vyvyan Bastard.

 

[AntiStateQuixote]

I'm with the Basterd here. It's a group of players, not the DM and his players, and everyone should have a say in new players joining. Regardless, the player doing the inviting should have gotten the group's approval first. Where is the game hosted? If it's someone's home then the host has absolute veto power over someone joining/coming to his/her house.

For what it's worth, I'm the DM and the host for my current game group. I don't invite new players to the game without getting permission from the other players first.

 

[diaglo]

just a wild guess here.

but didn't you mention to your group at some point that you would like to add more players? or didn't one of them bring it up in a session?

if that is the case, this isn't a complete surprise. but it is still a surprise for this coming session. still he did send you a heads up before the game. and even sent you the character. you do have time to work on it. or if you didn't you should be doing it instead of griping on a message board.

i would welcome the new player. but that's me. i am always willing to give friends of friends a try.

 

[S'mon]

I'm with the Basterd here. It's a group of players, not the DM and his players, and everyone should have a say in new players joining.

Personally I reserve the right to include and exclude players entirely at my own preference. I've had enough of players trying power games on me, wanting me to chuck out somebody they don't like. And if a player annoys me enough I'll exclude him and I won't ask anyone's permission.

Obviously as a player I respect the GM's right to include and exclude players at their whim, likewise. It's very important that the GM be happy with the numbers, personalities, and other aspects of the group and that the players respect the GM's decisions.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

For what it's worth, I'm the DM and the host for my current game group. I don't invite new players to the game without getting permission from the other players first.

Good point. I'm in the same boat and act the same way. "Permission" is probably too strong a word though in my case.

Personally I reserve the right to include and exclude players entirely at my own preference. I've had enough of players trying power games on me, wanting me to chuck out somebody they don't like. And if a player annoys me enough I'll exclude him and I won't ask anyone's permission.

Obviously as a player I respect the GM's right to include and exclude players at their whim, likewise. It's very important that the GM be happy with the numbers, personalities, and other aspects of the group and that the players respect the GM's decisions.

I am a recovering control freak. It has caused me many problems over the years in my professional and personal life. It has helped me immensely to give up some of the controls I try to place on others. I'm not saying you are, as I've never met you and it took a long time for me to realize I had this issue. Just noting it for your your own self assessment, make of it what you will.

Why is it a power game when a player is not enjoying your game because of another person in it, but it is perfectly OK for you to demand a player leave if they encroach on your enjoyment?

I'm seeing a difficulty in seperating control of game and control of group. Should the GM have a say over the number of players in his game? Sure, that can impact a game heavily. Should the GM have a say over personalities of players? IMO, to an equal extent as any other player. Other aspects? Depends on whether it is truly a game issue or a group issue as to whether the GM should have sole say or an equal say, respectively. It is true that without the GM there is no game. But it is equally true that without the players there is no game.

 

[Rechan]

Why is it a power game when a player is not enjoying your game because of another person in it, but it is perfectly OK for you to demand a player leave if they encroach on your enjoyment?

It's a two-layered process to me.

The DM is the gatekeeper, the first 'filter' that a new person hits. Because the Dm has the most responsibility. Not just in terms of the game itself, but he schedules everything, he secures the place for the game, he basically does all the leg work and the other players show up. The DM is the one who has to put his foot down if a player (for instance) is showing up late, not reliable, etc. So if this new person looks like they're not going to fit in with the DM, he should have the right to decide ahead of time, to prevent a potential problem before it starts.

Then, once the DM has vetted the guy, and the guy shows up, THEN he hits the group filter. The DM may approve, but the new guy might very well rub a player or two wrong. He might not fit in with in with the social dynaic of the group. He might be a jackass and only this comes out during play, or social interaction with the group. Now the group decides as a whole whether they want to boot him or not.

 

[chitzk0i]

On two different occasions, a person jumped into my game and failed to ever show up again, so I'm personally partial to the 1-session trial period before I have to work them in.

 

[rexartur]

Not sure if this helps or not but..
I think the replies about who decides what in any given group depend heavily on that group's dynamic.

In my group (I'm the DM) I am the one who spends the time coordinating, recruiting (when necessary), vetting, etc. Our group has been strong, had some shaky points and has now grown strong again. Not to blow my own horn but much of this is because of the time I have spent posting, searching, communicating, etc. As the DM and host my concern is not only with the game but in the happiness and success of the gaming group which needs players first and foremost. Not to mention I have to be the bad guy if the group doesn't like someone new. Hey, it's like dating. Not everyone is a good fit, even if we all love the same game.

That being said, I would definitely want to know ahead of time if a new player was joining. If he/she just showed up, or not enough notice was given they would be warmly welcomed and invited to watch and learn, ask questions, regale with stories, etc. so we could assess the new group dynamic. The the group gets to decide (with my acting as final arbiter even in this process - my long-standing rule is that intolerance is tolerated least). The only exceptions are our kids and my wife. They're in when they want to be, for it is by their grace that we play as much as we do.

The moral? Be up front with your friends, treat them with respect and ask that they do the same. But leadership is something that is not only required for progress, it is very often desired (even when protested against).

 

[S'mon]

Why is it a power game when a player is not enjoying your game because of another person in it, but it is perfectly OK for you to demand a player leave if they encroach on your enjoyment?

Because my authority should be undisputed!

If you had problems with being a control freak and need to go teetotal, that's your business. I don't think I'm a control freak*; there's lots of issues where I'll consult with players and in some cases even defer to players. Running 4e for instance I don't expect to know all the rules, I defer to the player at table when it comes to how their PC works. If necessary I'll check up on the rules after the game. I'm not going to GM for anyone I don't enjoy GMing for though, that is completely non-negotiable.

*Edit: Actually I know I'm not, at least by comparison. I've known a few control freaks, their signature is that they need to be in charge of *everything*. Not me, I don't even like being in charge of most things. As a player I love to relax and play with a good authoritative GM. I don't like having too much authority at work, either (I'm currently one step above where I'd really like to be). What I'm concerned about is avoiding stress and things I dislike, especially in my non-paid leisure activity. If I don't like a player in a game I'm playing in, I won't play in that game. If I don't like a player in a game I'm GMing, the player goes.