Piratecat's Updated Story Hour! (update 4/03 and 4/06)

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Sialia

First Post
Ahh . . . I never can be leavin' well enough alone.

Here 'tis again, mates.

New and improved.

Belike.



(edit--Bandeeto (aka the aforementioned Apoocalypse) didna like the all black background any better than the all white. How's goes the thesis, Sialia? Swimmingly. That's why i'm screwing around with illustrations instead of writing. That's "Swimmingly" as in, "my what a lot of sharks there are hereabouts, and why am I wearing these concrete Birkies . . ? ")
 

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Sialia

First Post
Ok, I hope nobody sues me over this. It's just for fun. Right? I am not intending to infringe on any copyright, or derive any profit from this. I apologize in advance if anybody feels that their intellectual property is being misused, and if you drop me one of those politely threatening notes letting me know it concerns you, I will be sure to remove this immediately, or post credits for the trademarks and design that you specify, ok?

ok.

My close personal friend Piratecat dropped me a line asking me to distract you while he's away. Really, he did.

In lieu of the illustration of KidCthulhu performing a fan dance, here is the most distracting thing I could think of, off the top of my head.
 

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Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
Soggy but resolute, the large group splashes downstream towards the kuo-toa city of Glubyal. They soon come to the first of three coral portcullises that block the tunnel. The barbed gates are designed to let water through, but it’s apparent that the combination of high-pressure water and razor-sharp coral would quickly chew the flesh off of any victim unlucky enough to be pinned against them. “Like a cheese grater,” laments Priggle dejectedly as he and Mara begin to tunnel around the gates.

“They’re certainly serious,” muses Tao. “We haven’t even done anything to them yet.”

“The key word being ‘yet,’” quips Nolin prophetically. Malachite cracks his knuckles in agreement.

“I’m not sure we need to show a lot of patience for someone who would crush us, drown us, and slice us up. We should be cautious, though; we don’t know who set us up, or why, and I’d rather not accuse the wrong person.” In its sheath, Karthos quivers in agreement.

Helmet under one arm as she rests, Mara runs her fingers through her damp blond hair. “Well, right now I’m guessing that the Sea King of the Kuo-Toa is responsible. He’s the one who is in allegiance with the ghouls, right?”

“Right. But he may have been lied to. Just don’t jump to conclusions.”

“I’m all about jumping to conclusions.” Tao stretches, cat-like, and idly flicks a leech at the wall. “So what do we do when we get down there? Do we say, ‘Hi, Mister Sea King. We want to go to your sacred shrine and free some elemental spirit you have trapped there. You don’t mind, do you?’ ‘Cause I’m not sure he’s going to be really enthusiastic about that plan.”

“I don’t know.” Velendo splashes his shield down into the stream and leans on it heavily. “Maybe. We can also make contact with that rebel, what’s-his-name…”

“Thoobel,” Nolin supplies helpfully. “Monitor Thoobel.”

“Right. Thoobel. All those names sound alike to me.”

“I think they’re named so that you can talk to them while drowning. Or maybe they name their babies by grabbing them, shoving them underwater, and listening to what they say.”

Tao frowns. “I think Glibstone had a joke about that. Let me see.” She fishes out the book of jokes he gave her, and nods. “Oh, there was one, but it’s dirty. Here’s one; what sound does a dwarf make while falling down stairs? CLANGEDDIN Clangeddin clangeddin…” She laughs, along with the dwarven troops. “I miss the old guy.”

“Anyways,” continues Velendo, determined not to be distracted, “Thoobel might be a person to ally with. We’ll have to see.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” interrupts Priggle as he emerges from the narrow tunnel he’s excavating, “but I think I just heard the sound of fighting ahead.”

Nolin rushes forward, and sure enough his keen ears pick up a faint grunt and the clang of metal. The adventurers quickly ready their weapons while the dwarves cover them, presenting a score of dwarven crossbows that are each cocked and aimed through the coral gates.

They wait for a few breathless seconds for something to appear. Instead of an enemy, though, they all see the third portcullis lurching upward as it unevenly begins to rise towards the ceiling.

Splinder waves his arm and hisses an order. While everyone else fades back into the shadows of the tunnel, Galtian and Priggle creep forwards surreptitiously and peek out without being seen. They glance down into a cavernous gorge which lies directly beyond the gates, where the stone tunnel that they’ve been following vanishes straight down into an abyss of unknowable depth. Only a highly defensible ledge snakes around the gorge to the right, eventually ending in a slender bridge that spans the gulf like a stone rainbow. Galthia silently reports to the rest of the group over the mindlink.

“Good thing we didn’t do this the hard way. If we had managed to open all three portcullises while drowning, the water would have carried us off a cliff instead.”

Velendo snorts and and rolls his eyes. “Overkill.”

Galthia continues. “There are a number of dead kuo-toa out here. There are about ten live ones as well, all of whom are straining to turn a giant wheel.” He gestures at the slowly rising portcullis. “They’re either letting us out or coming in after us.”

“Well, it’s either our enemies or their enemies, but it’s a good sign that they already eliminated their competition. Ready to greet them?” Mara’s smile is bright. Malachite’s hand hovers over his sword hilt, but without drawing the weapon he turns with the others and ducks under the still-rising gate.

Nolin calls out a greeting. “Hello?”

One of the kuo-toa turns. They see a paunchy, foul-smelling fish man whose goggling eyes take them all in without blinking. It flicks some slime from its webbed fingers in a ritual gesture and wobbles its head. “Gloobel boolboolb?” it asks.

“I’m sorry, no, we don’t speak your language,” answers Nolin.

“Slibdobollup. Then I will speak yours.” The fish-thing speaks in a fair version of under-common, but with a heavy accent. Its voice is male and deeply pitched, echoing roundly from its sunken chest. The creature is taller than a man, and its wiry muscles give the impression of latent speed and power.

It gives a grimace that could possibly be construed as a grin. “I am pleased to see that you have survived. When my spies learned that you were to be killed, we rushed to do what we could.” His webbed fingers come up and tug on the corner of his lipless mouth, leaving a faint trace of slime on the cold skin. For an instant the kuo-toa looks just like a hooked fish, but the image vanishes as he gestures at the stream coming from the tunnel. “There was not much water, we saw, so we removed the false King’s guards. We will need to return them to the Sea Mother and sink back to Glubyal before Blel-plibbit realizes our success.”

He turns to wave a hand at his minions, and the other kuo-toa begin to toss their dead enemies into the bottomless chasm by their feet. The leader bobbles his rounded head in satisfaction.

“Wait a moment,” says Malachite. “Why did you want to help us?”

The kuo-toa turns and silently studies him with unblinking eyes. “Because the false King wished you dead. I do not know why, but if he would empty the reservoir to kill to cleanly and quickly, with no fuss, then you are someone who must be of help to me. He fears me, and would deny me any weapon. So I am fishing; I am hoping that you will be worth the trouble of the catch. If you are salesmen, then I have made a mistake.”

“And you are?”

He bobbles his head again. “I am Monitor Thoobel. I am humble in the eyes of the Sea Mother, but I have floated to lead all those who can truly see the corruption of the King. He is supposed to be the mate of the Sea Mother, the fertilizer of our people, the tide that carries our souls!” Thoobel’s fervent voice is tinged with obsession. “Instead he dallies with ghouls and mind flayers, and makes trades with those who would hurt our folk. The blessing of the Sea Mother has left him, if only he could see it, and it is time he passed the Crown of Tides to one who truly deserves it.” Thoobel’s sunken chest puffs with pride. “Perhaps that will be me. More than a third of our people follow me. They give their lives for what I believe in and would die for the cause… just as I would die for the cause.” He studies the group as if expecting them to volunteer for Dying Duty, but no one does, so Thoobel turns to go.

“Come. We will smuggle you into the city.” Everyone exchanges worried glances, shrugs, and begins to follow him.

“Oh goody,” mumbles Nolin. “Ghouls AND mind flayers.”

Malachite pauses, eyeing the path in front of him.

“Do we have to cross that bridge?”

The kuo-toa turns impatiently, and waves its fins. “Yes.”

“I can’t.”

Mara turns to him. “I didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”

Malachite looks exasperated. “I’m not. That bridge is about two feet wide, though, and I’ll never make it across in my armor. I just can’t balance well enough.” People begin to grin, and Malachite frowns. “Look, we’ve had this discussion before. The armor isn’t made for balance. I can’t make it over that bridge without falling.”

OOC conversation: ----> “Wait, what’s Malachite’s balance check?” “Something like a -11. If I take 10, I think I’m at -1. You see my point.” “Holy crap! How do you even walk down the street? You’d go ‘step step aieee crash clatter clatter ow.’ Remind me not to walk behind you.”

Rope, caution, and a flying warhorse simplify the crossing. Soon a score of dwarves, a dozen kuo-toa and two handfuls of adventurers troupe downwards farther into the depths of the earth. Over the next few hours they pass deserted sentry points.

“What happened to the troops commanding those?” asks Nolin. Thoobel swivels his head to look at him; Nolin catches the reflection of his own burning hair in the glistening eyes.

“We killed them.”

“Oh.” Note to self, thinks Nolin. Don’t piss off Thoobel.

The downwards-sloping tunnel eventually winds down to a cave opening, through which a strong and damp breeze is blowing. Thoobel gestures with a webbed hand.

“Glubyal,” he burbles simply. There is both pride and hatred in his voice.

The glimmering city spreads below out before them, but at first glance it doesn’t appear to be a city at all. Instead it looks more like a giant nautilus, a vast chambered shell that spirals around and fills the huge cavern. Examined more carefully, it appears that the walls and outer defenses of Glubyal are constructed from coral, and that many of the buildings and domiciles must be contained beneath the coral outer palisades. Still, it is hard to shake the feeling that the city before them is itself somehow alive, as it wallows half-submerged in the salty waters of the sunless sea.

“How many people live here?” asks Priggle, wonderingly.

“More than ten thousand. I control the southern end of the outer city.”

A lightning bolt flares beneath them down a long curving ramp, and Thoobel’s eyes flicker. “A few less, now. I had left my own people here to guard our return. Blel-Plibbit’s guard has found them. They are under attack. You can all swim underwater, yes?” The group exchanges worried glances.

“Uh… for how long?”

“Not long. A half hour or so, no more.”

Velendo shakes his head. “No, we can’t. Not today.” Thoobel looks annoyed at the surface dwellers for an instant, but his stolid expression quickly returns.

“Then my people will die while I find transportation for you.” He turns to dive off the ramp into the water below.

“Wait! We’d like to help in the fight.”

Thoobel considers for only a second. “Yes. I will be back within moments. Do not leave this place unless you must.” He dives over the side and hits the water far below.

The fight is brief and bloody. Keeping to the high ground on the ramp, the dwarves have an excellent field of view, and they pump volley after volley into the thirty or so loyalist troops that have risen from the dark water. “How do we tell th’ good fish from th’ bad fish?” shouts one dwarf to his sergeant.

“Th’ good fish aren’t tryin’ t’ kill you!” shouts back the other dwarf.

Agar casts a fireball into the rear of the melee, and is surprised when a number of chanting, praying kuo-toa in the water all point their fins at him. A narrow lightning bolt forms between them and crackles out. Agar is struck square on the chest and flung backwards as blue rivulets of electricity shiver around his body.

“They can cast lightning,” he gasps. Proty soars around him in agitation.

Splinder glances down the ramp. “Most of the friendly kuo-toa are dead, and more troops have emerged from the water. They’re advancing.”

To be continued…
 
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Well, I just did the ones who had pics by Dave Hendee, because they were easiest to find. I also did a bonus card for Morningstar from Sagiro's storyhour.

Tell me if you think they're okay, and if you're old-school Magic players, forgive the new format; they updated it so the art box is bigger and the text is easier to read.
 

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Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
“Brrribbit!”

With a tremendous spring, the bullywug gladiator Burr-Lipp whom Malachite had saved in Akin’s Throat leaps over the line of kuo-toa warriors, using his momentum to jam his longspear entirely through an enemy’s torso. A pincher staff snares him, dragging the bullywug to the ground.

“Don’t let him get surrounded!” Malachite advances down the ramp with Tao and Mara, the two radiant knights of Aeos forming a miniature shield wall around the divine agent of Galanna. Their swords and maces flash, darting back and forth in an intricate dance of pain, and any enemy in reach tumbles down into bloody ruin. The kuo-toa burble in alarm. Stone Bear and Galthia also tumble into battle, beating back kuo-toa who had thought to try and slip behind the main rank of fighters. Within seconds, they’ve freed Burr-Lipp from the crush of attackers.

“Watch out! I’m going to flame strike them!” shouts Nolin.

“Wait!” Tao yells back, even as she twists her second longsword up to gut a kuo-toa. “No flashy spells. We don’t want them to know we’re here.”

Nolin pauses, thunderstruck, and looks at Tao as if she was dropped on her head as an infant. “Don’t want them to know we’re here? Tao, they just threw a lightning bolt at us. I think they’ve figured it out.”

Velendo lays a hand on the bard’s shoulder. “I think she means that we don’t want them to know that we have such powerful magic. Flame Strike can be seen from a long ways away. It may need to come as a surprise later.”

“Ohhhkay,” says Nolin dubiously, and instead launches into an inspiring song comparing kuo-toa to gaffed fish. His words embolden his allies, and the next volley of dwarven crossbows finds quite a few targets. Nolin just sings more enthusiastically.

Down below, another squad of kuo-toa emerges from the oily water, and Agar shakes his head. Giving Proty a knowledgeable look, Agar calls forth unspeakable words as he plunges his hands deeply into the coils of the magic swirling around him. As he does so, jet black tentacles spring forth from the stone in response, whipping like eels around the advancing kuo-toa.

“Ah,” says Nolin knowledgeably. “Evard’s Black Testicles.”

Agar just grins happily as his spell takes effect. Many of the chanting kuo-toa are caught in the pitch-black tentacles, and the lightning bolt that their utterances have been building instead sputters away into the water. Within a minute, only the toughest kuo-toa troops are still left alive, and Priggle’s sharp eyes pick out Monitor Thoobel poling a longboat back towards their location at the side of the cavern.

“Here comes our ride,” says Priggle, but no one hears him. He tries again. “I said, Thoobel is returning.” Nothing.

“Oh, Thoobel’s coming!” Nolin also sees the boat, and his words immediately catch everyone’s attention. Priggle sighs, unnoticed once again.

“Just.. a.. minute!” Caught by a deadly kuo-toa pincher staff, Malachite flexes his muscles to stop from being fully grappled, and Mara swings her mace into the tired kuo-toa’s belly. It continues out the far side, and the creature falls away as the pincher staff clatters to the stone ramp. “Okay. We’re ready.”

One of Thoobel’s assistants glubs to Nolin, who translates. “He says that more of the Sea King’s troops are probably on the way, so we should move. He’ll probably be very angry that we survived.”

Tao rolls her eyes. “I feel for him. Really, I do.”

Nolin laughs. “Liar. Hey, look!” He points up towards an odd sight. About fifty feet above the water, hanging in empty air, is a statue of some great human warrior. It is hard to tell in the poor light, but it looks like a statue of a man that was once seated on a horse. The horse is long gone, now, and the statue just dangles in mid-air.

“Odd.” No one has time to thoroughly investigate, though, for they hurry down the stone ramp onto the long flatboat that Monitor Thoobel has just poled into position. The armored Defenders rock the boat somewhat as they board, but within seconds Thoobel has pushed off and is poling the boat out into the wide canal surrounding the city. Dead kuo-toa bodies are emotionlessly pushed aside by his pole, and the corpses bob silently on the current, their bulging dead eyes silently condemning the Defenders even as the carcasses are carried downstream around Glubyal and out into the Sunless Sea.

The longboat passes over a foul-smelling current of effluvient carried out of the city by the tide, and then without warning the boat… sinks. Several people begin to panic, but the air begins to sparkle, and it’s quickly apparent that a bubbling sphere of oxygenated air has surrounded the boat. “For visitors,” burbles Thoobel. “Traders who come from afar. Usually drow.”

The boat moves underwater through the gloom of the canal and turns right into a series of winding, narrow coral passages just barely large enough to maneuver through. Thoobel never speaks a word, but everyone gets the impression that he fears that the group is being followed; certainly, the winding and circuitous route he takes is too complex for even Tao to memorize. The defenses of Glubyal slowly become apparent. The kuo-toa city has been carved or built out of stinging coral, and the maze-like passages into the city are riddled with bolt-holes and dead ends. An invading force would have a tremendously difficult time trying to invade. Thoobel even asks Agar to disintegrate a coral wall in front of him, which he later seals up with a wand once the boat has moved through. After fifteen or twenty minutes, Thoobel steers the boat upwards, and it surfaces along a broad and largely deserted promenade.

The Defenders of Daybreak step off of their craft onto dry land, damp and cold. Velendo can’t help notice that in addition to the construction here looking run down, there is absolutely no decoration on any of the buildings. None at all; no decorative carvings, no statues, no murals, nothing. It is almost intimidating in its squat and ugly sameness, and the alien nature of the structures puts everyone on edge. The Monitor leads the group through an oblong doorway, down a spiral staircase and through innumerable round tunnels into a large, water-filled basement. Wide stone platforms rise from the water like stepping stones in a stream, and the group plops themselves down on one of these to relax. As above, the are no decorations whatsoever, and only huge luminescent slugs provide illumination. “I will send a slave with food and drink,” burbles Monitor Thoobel, waving his webbed fingers expressively. “A human slave, to make you feel welcome. You are safe here.”

“Thank you,” says Velendo. “You have human slaves?” He tries to sound polite.

“Oh, yes! Very good. I only have those I could free from Blel-Plibbit. I am much better than he, and kill many less. They love me, and obey quickly, as they should.”

Velendo swallows drily, careful not to offend just yet. “I’m sure. Where are we right now?”

Monitor Thoobel crouches down, rapidly tracing a map on the stone with a wet finger. “This is my part of the city, the southern edge” he says. “From here, I will conquer all of Glubyal, but only to remove the false king from power!”

“False king?”

“Oh, yes.” Thoobel sounds deadly earnest. “”Blel-Plibbit has no right to rule. I saw this when I was a bodyguard to him in the Palace of the Sea Mother. He abuses his power, sells away the heritage of our people, spawns with breeders who are not worthy of his seed. He is dangerous to all of us. I will remove him, and perhaps the Sea Mother will find me worthy to replace him. If not, I will help raise the successor, and teach him in the proper things that a true king should know.” Thoobel’s eyes glint crazily in the gray light.

“I’m sure you will,” responds Nolin politely. “Say, have you ever heard of the Shrine of the Glass Pool?”

“Oh, yes,” nods Thoobel’s scaly head, and traces a new location on his rough map. “It is in the royal plaza in front of the palace, and it is sacred to the Sea Mother. It is not truly glass, you know, but is instead ice that has been polished to a mirror sheen. The shrine is the heart of the sacrifice pool, and the Sea Mother sees all that happens there.”

“Oh, great,” moans Priggle, but Thoobel is still talking.

“The false Sea King Blel-Plibbit goes there for inspiration, as have the Sea Kings before him. He speaks to Blibdoolpoolp there, and she whispers to him of oracles and great visions. This is not information that he should have!” Thoobel’s eyes harden and his voice rises. “I should be the one who hears the voices, as I have heard them before! They told me I couldn’t, you know. They thought to imprison me in a jail where others had also learned the truth. But the truth can not be contained, and I showed them the error of their beliefs. Now they are being judged by the Sea Mother, and she has freed me to do her will.”

Everyone draws a little bit away from him, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He raises one fist above his head and shakes it as his mouth gapes and sputters.

“The depth of my faith fills the fathoms, even as my artists have endeavored to show the Sea Mother of my abundant worship! I freed the others who had seen as I do, and now we lead the righteous rebellion. I am pleased,” his voice calms abruptly into gentle tones, “that you have chosen to assist us. For that you will be blessed in the great deep, and the sacrifice of your lives will bring about great changes.”

Tao gives him a look. “You know, we might not die while helping you,” she ventures.

Thoobel gives her a toothy smile and a knowing look. “Indeed.” He bows slightly and withdraws from the room, turning at the doorway. “I will bring you a true map of the palace area, including the Spawning Pools and the Shrine of the Glass Pool. Perhaps it will be helpful.” His head disappears, and he is gone.

“What makes us think,” asks Stone Bear quietly, “that we’re helping the right one?”

“Well, he isn’t the one allied with the ghouls,” grumbles Mara. “But I see your point.” She pries one of her boots off, and wrinkles her nose as she starts picking off swollen leeches from her ankles. “Yuck.”

“I think we should just kill all of them.”

“That would be genocide.”

“It would also destabilize this place. I like having an ally in charge here, even a crazy one, but I like having no one in charge even more. That way they can fight amongst themselves, and stop taking human slaves.”

I agree,” says Malachite coldly, “and we’re going to have to do something about that.”

“So what is this place?” wonders Galthia, looking around the room. “I can’t determine its function.”

“Probably a mess hall,” says Stone Bear with a straight face, “where they eat visitors.” His raven launches itself from his shoulder, flaps down next to Mara, and eagerly gulps down each leech that is offered to it by the paladin. Behind her, her war horse Luminor whickers in comfort.

They are interrupted by the sound of splashing, as frothy water begins to pour into the large room through pipes set in the walls. Carried on the water are dozens of wriggling, squirming fish-things the size of puppies. “Fingerlings!” exclaims Nolin in surprise. “I’ve heard of these. They’re baby kuo-toa. We must be in some sort of playroom for the kuo-toa spawn. Usually, they’re only fertilized in quantity by the King. I’m guessing that if these belong to Thoobel, he really does have delusions of Kingliness.”

“That was obvious.” Stone Bear gets an odd look on his face. As Nolin begins singing to the fingerlings, they all splash over and surround the platform, wriggling in their own slime and reacting to the bard’s song. Stone Bear reaches down and scoops one up, sliding it into a sack at his waist. He reaches down again and grabs two more, placing one in a pouch and one into the folds of a small bag. The fingerlings don’t seem to mind, but everyone stares at Stone Bear.

“What are you doing?”

The shaman raises his eyebrows over dark and empty eye sockets, and casually shrugs. “Taking some insurance with us." He smiles. "I'm going to strap these little guys onto my body. If we’re going to have to assault the heart of the kuo-toa city today or tomorrow, it won’t hurt to have some baby shields.”

To be continued…
 
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Jeph

Explorer
Don't the others have, like, you know, moral problems with this? I mean, the enemies are kuo-toa and thoroughly evil, but sinking to the same level as those pirates in the sewers of Eversink is just...morally bankrupt.

And Stone Bear wasn't even there.
 

Wulf Ratbane

Adventurer
Jeph said:
Don't the others have, like, you know, moral problems with this? I mean, the enemies are kuo-toa and thoroughly evil, but sinking to the same level as those pirates in the sewers of Eversink is just...morally bankrupt.

And Stone Bear wasn't even there.

Well now in my defense, I don't think I actually used the words "baby shields," though I must admit that was my transparent intent. But I was having too much fun saying, "Fingerlings" to call them anything but.

Oh yeah... The only thing worse than the thought that "Elder is Wulf Ratbane" is "Elder is Wulf Ratbane through a Piratecat prism."

I don't want to think about that... Stone Bear is Stone Bear and Wulf is just a sig, now.


Wulf
 

Bloodsparrow

First Post
Wulf Ratbane said:
But I was having too much fun saying, "Fingerlings" to call them anything but.

Any race with a word for "child" that makes them sound like a dish you would order at a sports bar, deserves to have them used as shields...
 
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Wulf Ratbane

Adventurer
wolff96 said:
I love the "Fingerling Shield" idea... it's so much fun to see Piratecat's own evil twisted back on him. Although I'm not sure if the paladins will let Stone Bear get away with this one...

It wasn't so much "HEY! I gots me some baby shields!" as,

"It wouldn't hurt to have a few of Thoobel's brood with me, just in case things go bad, and if things go very bad, no matter how bad that bad is, at least these few kuo-toa are going with me."

It seemed more War inspired at the moment than Elder inspired. I swear.


Wulf
 

Kestrel

Explorer
Smells like...Night Below!

I ran Night Below about 5 years ago. It was a great adventure. I love the way you're incorporating the kuotoa city from it into your ongoing campaign. Great stuff as always PirateCat!
 

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