My character does NOT react to every slight with murder. Before you give advice (or judgements, thanks) at least read what I write.
From your OP:
So, I believe this could only result in my wizard smiling, working hard to get my body back, and then hiring some thugs to kill her after giving her poisoned wine. As a player, I can not think of any reason for my PC not to do it, or of anything else my PC would do. I think she (player) does not expect it, and it would come as a great surprise to her, ...
I feel my hand is forced and I can only react to what she is doing, in a very consistent and predictable response I have demonstrated in the game many times over.
And here's your more recent post:
I talked about this with our DM totally openly and we both agreed that we should try to come up with other solutions
This is remarkably simple. Notice a few things going on here? Your DM (despite your phrasing) does not want you to kill another player, and your gaming session is postponed until you come up with a new solution. You have asked people on the forum, and the responses you are getting are overwhelming. Finally, even in your OP (which presents this in the light most favorably to you), you acknowledge that you don't want to tip off the other player for "meta-game" reasons because she would not expect it.
Look- "vengeful" can mean a lot of things. Maybe you give the rogue a cold shoulder for a while. Maybe you find some way to get the Rogue back that isn't lethal (although I am hesitant to recommend "humiliating" because you seem to take things a little too seriously). Maybe you understand that characters personalities aren't static, and that this is something you use for the character's growth (a ha! maybe the Wizard was always into cross-dressing ... or maybe this is chance for the Wizard to explore forgiveness).
It's a complication; use it as an opportunity to explore new horizons, and have fun! Because the one thing that isn't fun is PvP (unless you are in a campaign that is explicit about encouraging and allowing it, and you already wrote that the other player wouldn't expect it).