So you are a wizard, you just made level 5 and you want to get Fireball and Hypnotic Pattern and I say no you can't. A wizard has utility available so you have to take Lemund's Hut and Speak With Dead, and when you make 6th level you need to pick up Fly and catnap. It doesn't matteer that you want to take Fireball or that HP is more useful to the party than those will be. You chose a class that has utility available so you have to take it. That is your role because that is what I want your role to be.
To use the exact quote from above, if the Wizard won't take LTH and SWD then he should "Find a different game, where [Wizards] don't get [Utility Spells]." You should not be allowed to take Fireball or Hypnotic Pattern if you play a wizard
This is the exact same thing as having my Cleric get Spirit Guardians and Spirit Shroud instead of Aura of Vitality and Mass Healing Word.
Preparing spells and using slots is not free. Certain Cleric subclasses do have healing magic for free and the people playing those are going to heal. Other classes do not and need to both prepare and use slots to cast healing magic. Claiming they have it for free is like saying Wizards have utility spells for free.
Evocation Wizards don't lose access to utility spells but it is unreasonable to expect them to fill their book with utility spells instead of blasting spells. Same with Enchantment, Illusion and Abjuration schools.
It is selfish to tell or expect another player to play a certain way based on how you want the class should be played. It is reasonable to expect all players to contribute, it is selfish and unreasonable to expect them to contribute in a specific fashion that suits you.