D&D 5E Quiet players and social anxiety

As an introvert (not someone who is shy - there is a difference) I challenge the notion that being engaged = talking.

This is an important point. Introversion/Extrroversion and shyness are not related (meaning, you can easily have a shy extrovert).

Another is that there is a wide range of degree - there is basic shyness (that anyone, and possibly everyone, experiences from time to time) and there is full-blown social anxiety. If you have someone with social anxiety, suddenly making them the focus may be the *wrong* thing to do. Surprise pressure and social focus? Not good for someone who might suffer a panic attack!

As with most things, if you feel something is a bit off, or could be better, with a player, *talk to them!* It is surprising how often we just decide to take action to "help" without first finding out what is helpful for the individual.

Ultimately, what matters is whether the players are having fun. Is the quiet player having fun? Is the party having fun? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
 

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I'll chime in here as someone who is both introverted AND shy...

I had been out of face-to-face gaming for a LONG time. When I last played, it was with friends, so I felt more comfortable in participating in the "social" aspect of the game (e.g. talking to NPC's) but I was never comfortable playing D&D as an improvisational acting exercise which is what some people seem to consider "real" role-playing.

I have very recently (in the last six weeks) begun playing 5th Edition D&D via Adventurer's League at my FLGS with people that I am not acquainted with and have been fairly reticent to participate in the social part of the game (fortunately for me the whole table is more combat focused); however, I am still actively engaged at all times (more than I can say for some of the participants) by asking rules questions, participating in out-of-character chatter/joking and such. Therefore, I am having a good time and, I hope, contributing to the overall game experience.
 


I've had some quiet players from time to time over the years, often in pickup groups. (My regulars are very comfortable with each other and have no issues with making themselves heard.) I do view players who are too quiet as a problem in a game like D&D and I try to address it before play.

First, I explain that a game of D&D is pretty much just a structured conversation between the players and DM. I say a thing, you say a thing, I say a thing, repeat. Sometimes there are dice involved to help me decide what to say. In a conversation that isn't about elves and dragons, if one person is doing all the talking, it tends not to be a very interesting conversation. So to make it an interesting conversation, we need everyone to engage in it, each making about the same contribution during the course of the session. I try to spotlight people about equally to draw people out.

Next, I make sure that the players are aware of how to talk to each other in a way that is productive and doesn't shut other people down. I'm sure we've all had people in our lives that are eager to tell us all the ways something won't work or starts nearly every sentence with "Well, actually..." or just love to poke holes in things. Flumph those people. Someone who his already shy is likely to shut down when faced with this kind of person. Why offer ideas at all if other people are just going to shut them down? Better to just stay quiet and go along, right?

So, I tell the group that when they are hearing an idea or proposal from another player, they should try to find the good in it and think of ways it can work rather than ways it can't. This may mean adding to the idea to make it better. They shouldn't shoot down the ideas of others outright - this just creates debates that stymie play or causes other players to withdraw from the conversation. Instead, they should work together to take a decent idea and make it better by adding to it rather than taking away. When I see a player start to criticize, I jump in and say how I (the DM) think the idea could work and encourage the criticizing player to suggest ways to improve upon the basic idea to increase their odds of success in a manner that doesn't negate their fellow player's idea.

As well, I'm always quick to give praise and reward for good ideas. A simple "That's awesome," a high-five, or some Inspiration is great positive reinforcement for a shy person. And in my experience once I start doing that, other people do too, which makes for a very positive, supportive atmosphere at the table. It's good to see the players cheering each other on.

These approaches, taken together, are very simple to implement and I've seen introverted players jump right into things. When they come to the realization that their ideas are going to be supported rather than criticized and that everyone else wants to hear what they have to say, it becomes a lot easier to come out of their shell. And even if you don't have shy players, these approaches certainly make the game experience that much smoother.
 

We have a player who doesn't say much and it doesn't bother anyone. He doesn't really like roleplaying and enjoys combat more. Nothing wrong with that. When he does chime in it's usually good stuff.

There's only so many people who can really do the talking anyway, too many people yabbering away and things start to get incoherent.

I don't really agree with the assessment that quiet players are problem players at all.

I agree with this. My group's 3 players have 2 extraverts and 1 introvert. The introvert is an extremely smart, creative, kind, charitable, exceedingly funny (in a deadpan fashion) person who thinks of themselves last in every situation. This person just happens to be shy in her everyday life. So what. A lot of physical scientists are that way.

She chimes in when she feels the moment requires it and she is up to the offering. I'll take an introvert with the above qualities every day of the week over an obnoxious extravert or even a tolerable, game-savvy extravert that doesn't possess the other qualities.
 

One ting to consider is the fact that a particular player may just not be as spontaneous or quick with in character speeches as other players. Allowing them to contribute between sessions through RP threads/emails or pitch ideas can help engage them at a pace they may be more comfortable with, since it allows them to choose their words with additional deliberation.
 

Yikes. Harsh. As far as I'm concerned, every player is welcome to contribute as little or as much as they wish. People enjoy things in different ways, and not everyone is comfortable speaking up.
 

I don't see a particular problem with a player who doesn't want to speak up much in character. They can have their PC be an introvert, too. There, they're roleplaying.

If someone insisted on rolling for social interaction rather than roleplaying it out, that would be a real problem, but that's not what Spinozajack is talking about.

Sure I'd rather have all players actively participating, but I wouldn't seek to replace a quiet player with a more active one. I have no problem DMing large groups and a player who doesn't actually do much doesn't add much to my workload as DM.

Now if they actually wanted to speak more in character, I would arrange situations where their PC had to be the one to talk certain NPCs. The only way to get better and more confident at stuff like this is to actually do it. If they didn't want more interaction, then fine with me too, they can just watch til combat comes around.
 

I've specifically made idiot characters who don't do anything outside combat and the occassional smashing through a door just to address groups that expect hyper-role-play. I'm not an actor and I never will be so I dislike being expected to be one at a game where I'm only here for fun times.
 

I'm that guy who shows up at the table and is quiet. I'm quiet until a reach a certain level of comfort/familiarity with the group and then... Oh, boy. And then, I have problems shutting up! (Not really, but I'm making a point.) Sometimes it just takes some people a while to reach that comfort level. Shutting them out before they reach that point may be a waste.
 

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