<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

[Banshee16]

While I was at the gym a little while ago a gentleman on the thread mill next to mine struck up a conversation about- of all things, courtesies.

His thought was that maturity has more to do with kindness and courtesy. Stupidly I said- “I know some pretty kind five year olds.” “Maturity has nothing to do with age,” he corrected in a teacher type tone.

He went on to explain that the more mature a person is the more likely they will be to understand other people and know how to deal with them in a polite and kind way (I am cutting this story way down- we talked for forty five minutes). The immature will not understand and thus be ruder (intentionally or non intentionally- which he made a fair point of during our talk).

I asked how he had come to this conclusion and he told me that he had a Masters in Psychology and a Bachelors in Sociology. There is some level of me that doubts that I would start this thread then have a guy with a pair of degrees step onto a thread mill next to me and start a conversation about this very subject. Seems a little- emm, I don’t know, strange, maybe?

Course stranger things have happened.

So what do you all think- any weight to this? Maturity makes for more courtesy people?

I think that maturity can contribute to courtesy. Treating others as you want to be treated, and treating them like they have value typically requires a level of maturity that many people don't seem to develop. In the "me me me" society that we live in nowadays, it seems that a lot of people have forgotten about the simple things.

I think a lot of it has to do with teaching though....what you're taught in school, and by family.

My personal opinion is that with the rise of the two-income family, children just aren't getting raised the same way as they used to be. Parents just don't seem to have much authority over their kids. I've heard that in my province (Ontario), the schools can't even fail children who are doing poorly anymore, for fear of damaging their self-esteem. My girlfriend and I were sitting in a restaurant enjoying dinner, and the table where we'd been seated was next to a family with 3 or 4 kids. Apparently there'd been some sort of party, and they were at the tail end of their dinner. The kids were running around. Not just running around, but getting rowdy as well. They kept going behind my seat, and on several instances while I was eating, one ran on one side of our table, the other was right behind me, and would yell to his brother....from about 4 cm behind my ear. They were dragging balloons around, and actually hit the waitress in the face with one, intentionally, while she was carrying a bunch of trays.

All this time, what happened? A few times the parents asked the kids to sit down, but they didn't force them to...so the kids kept doing this. If I had acted like that as a kid, my parents would have ended the dinner right there, we'd have been loaded into the car, taken home, sent to our rooms, and grounded for a week. Overly strict? Maybe.....but none of the kids in our family were anything like that.

I just don't get why parents would let their kids do this kind of thing.

Banshee

 

[Harmon]

Banshee, you have a good point.

Your story strikes close, my parents would not have allowed that either. I would have gotten a look- "The Look," from my Dad and I would have sat down fast. :\ He spanked us, grounded us, and gave us more chores then we could do in a weekend, that was the penaly for getting the look.

There was a show on Elephants on Discovery in Kenja (I think or some other African country) about a group that had lost their (whats a lead elephant called?) anyways they lost thier leader and started vandalizing and tearing up the region. The government brought in an older male and within a few days the "kids," where in order. I guess they got the look.

(Kenja? Emmm- I will have to look into that, not sure where it was.)

 

[Banshee16]

I think that there's a point there. Maybe it's true that kids require discipline, or a strong leader type figure. I wasn't allowed out on my own past 11......so why are kids out in our neighbourhood vandalising houses, being loud and obnoxious to people trying to sleep, between 11 pm and 2 am? Why are 14-18 year olds out at that time? Where are the parents, and why don't they seem to care what trouble their kids are getting into?

Banshee

 

[Arbiter of Wyrms]

Sounds like Kenya.

I personally believe that most people know how to behave.

I also believe that most of them try to behave when they believe that there will be consequences for failing to do so.

Frequently, though, people forget to mind their manners. I find that the more isolated they are from those with whom they interact, the less polite they feel compelled to be. In person > on the phone > on line > in the third person.

The guy at the soda machine at Taco Bell in the original post and the girls on the sidewalk straightened out their respective acts when they realized that it was expected.

9/10 people apologize for the wrong number.

Most of the members of EN World have not viewed this thread, and most of those who have viewed did not bother to commiserate, but many of us have.

The original poster called the restuarant Taco Smell. Who's going to call him on it? I call it Taco Hell personally.

 

[Harmon]

I think that there's a point there. Maybe it's true that kids require discipline, or a strong leader type figure. I wasn't allowed out on my own past 11......so why are kids out in our neighbourhood vandalising houses, being loud and obnoxious to people trying to sleep, between 11 pm and 2 am? Why are 14-18 year olds out at that time? Where are the parents, and why don't they seem to care what trouble their kids are getting into?

Banshee

A suggestion- get to know your neighbors. In the summer months that kids on our circle like to play basketball late, once in a while I have to go out and ask them to stop- "guys its late," only once did I have any problems. I spoke to the kid that I knew, the game was over.

Speak to the parents of, to the kids, and ask them to reframe from being out late, making noise and such after 9 pm or somewhere in there. If they coninue call the police, ask them to take care of it.

Be calm, patient and understanding. If you are concerned about being attacked, being vandalized, take pictures of the kids first, do it from a distance first then close up- so they see you. Use a video camera to get their night ventures on tape or disc, give a copy to their parents.

The kids might not understand what they are doing is desruptive.

 

[Harmon]

Sounds like Kenya.

I see stuff on Discovery all the time and can't remember details.

The original poster called the restuarant Taco Smell. Who's going to call him on it? I call it Taco Hell personally.

Heard that one too. Old friend of mine use to say that all the time.

 

[wingsandsword]

The original poster called the restuarant Taco Smell. Who's going to call him on it? I call it Taco Hell personally.

I've heard it as Toxic Bell too.

 

[Tinker Gnome]

LOL I ate at Taco Bell today.

Anyways, I usually say sir and Mam to people at least 5 or more years older than me. I do forget sometimes, but I never intentionally dont say it.

I might acidentally do some things that could be perceived as rude, but I am just trying not too possibly inconvenince anyone, like hwen I was at Taco Bell earlier today and I was walking outside with my food because me and my friends were going to eat putside some other people were walking in, now it was sort of akward for a second as I was holding a tray and a drink and I they held the door open for me, but I opted to go out the other door and told them os because I have bad depth erception and I was afraid I migth bump into one of them and drop my tray and drink.

P.S. This Taco Bell had an area to eat outside obviously.

 

[Harmon]

We can only try to be polite.

Even the most kind of us has a bad day once in a while.

New family moved in next door. I have yet to meet them, need to do that. They have been locking their car doors with their remote. There are three medical workers on our circle that work nights or evenings and at least one guy that works nights (I am not sure what he does for a living). I need to speak to them about the remotes and the horn honking when they pull up to take the kids some where.

Few years back- first year we lived here, the guy across the circle was reving his cars engine while he was working on it (what he was doing I have no idea), it was mid after noon, but my wife was trying to sleep- she was working nights at the time. The wife- in her night shirt, goes down stairs, barefoot across the street, beyond pissed off- "are you done yet?" Mike was stunned. "I have to work tonight and I would like to get some sleep. Are you done?" Mike shut off his car- "ya. I'm sorry." She stormed back in and slammed the door. That story has been told around our street so often its legend.

Mike had no clue that he was inturpting her sleep. The wife knew that, but only after she had settled down.

 

[Rel]

Steve has helped me and I think a few more to understand the mind of people I perceive as rude.

Thank you, Steve, that was very kind of you.

Yeah, it sounds like Steve (and those who share his mindset) are not rude, just not very friendly.

Me, I try to be friendly. I find that I get laid more that way.