<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

[Banshee16]

It isn't too much to ask. Just don't ask all the time and with anger and accusation in your voice. Instead follow your heart, help people where you can and lead by example. Even if nobody else ever follows your example you'll still have helped some folks out who really needed it.

That is no small thing.

I hadn't really thought about it until this moment but I've got a friendly little device that you might want to try out sometime. I call it my "Faith In Humanity Bungee Cord". It works like this:

I drive a pickup truck and for the past two months or so, I've had a green bungee cord sitting in the bed. Anybody who walked past my truck in any of the hundreds of places it has been parked during that time could easily have reached over and stolen my bungee cord. But they haven't.

Does this really reveal all that much about the nature of humanity? Sure it does. It proves that the vast majority of humanity (in North Carolina anyway) are not a bunch of bungee-cord-stealing scum.

I sleep better at night knowing that, don't you?

The Faith In Humanity Bungee Cord - Buy yours today! They're cheap and come in a variety of colors to match the color of any vehicle!

Or it simply means that at the time they were passing your truck, they didn't need a bungee cord.

On the other hand, living up here in Canada, I had an extension cord on my front porch, that I used at night to heat the engine of my car, so that when I had to drive to work in the morning, when it had been -40 celcius overnight, the car would actually start.

Of course, figuring that nobody would steal off my porch, I didn't always bring it inside when I left for work in the mornings. And, what do you know....somebody stole it this last winter.

Call me naive, but generally, I would expect not to have to worry about somebody coming onto my property and taking something that doesn't belong to them.

But then, I'd also expect that people wouldn't damage my house either, unless I'd done something to them, yet just last weekend, some kids came onto my property and poured tartar sauce or something all over our porch, smeared it on our windows, all over my girlfriend's car, and our front door. And that stuff stains. She'd just bought this nice little house thing which was sitting on the front porch, with a "welcome to our home" sign, and that's now been permanently stained. So, the kids had their 4 minutes of jollies, and we're out the money it takes to fix the damage.

Just a few weeks ago, a guy called my girlfriend by a certain derogatory word used for the female anatomy...while I was right beside her. Is that necessary? No matter a person's justification, I was always taught that there are some things you just don't do. I supposed I could have picked a fight and punched him or something, but then I'm stooping to even below his level.

I don't have a lot of faith in humanity these days.

Banshee

 

[Hijinks]

It's the mob mentality. The larger the group of people a person is in, the more likely he/she is throw out his/her own morals and go along with the group. So, kids living in a larger city would meet more kids behaving badly than would kids in a more rural setting, and so the urban kids learn earlier how to be naughty.

On the subject of rudeness, there's a man at my office in a wheelchar. If I could make a wish and he could get up and walk around like anyone else, I would; no one deserves to be in a wheelchair. That said, today I held the door for him and he whizzed on by without a word. He is also known to run people down in the narrow walkways because he's late for a meeting or whatnot. What's the most irritating is that I don't feel I could say something like "You're welcome!" to him (facetiously) after he whizzed out the door I was holding, like I might if it were a walking person, because I would feel bad for picking on a handicapped individual. And yet I don't feel I can *not* hold the door open for him, because he *is* handicapped. It's a rather annoying situation all around.

 

[Banshee16]

My communications skills have certainly suffered.

You can't really have a conversation on the internet. You don't talk to people, you talk at them. There's also the prediliction for jumping into a conversation and burbling whatever pops into your head. Or just starting a "new topic" whenever you feel like discussing something. Those habits have carried over into my real life conversation habits and I need to change that.

I think that it's so easy to be rude on the Internet for a few reasons...

ie. lack of accountability. You don't have to look someone in the face when you insult them, so it's easy.

Combine that with the fact that like 90% of communication has nothing to do with the words we're saying, but instead lies with things like body posture and tone, and we're all only passing 10% of what we're trying to say to each other, and then wondering why people get offended.

Banshee

 

[Desdichado]

I think that it's so easy to be rude on the Internet for a few reasons...

It is, isn't it? Eff you, Internet! Wipe this!

 

[Harmon]

Harmon, I do not think his anger is directed at you, but at the stereotypes and people types you discuss. The thing that has him angrier is the person who states that politeness can be disingenous.

I caught that, though his post does seem to me like he (fanboy) is upset with something I have written. What it was I wasn't sure <shrug> I have seemingly done my "best" to piss people off in the past. I was making an apology so that there would be no hard feelings.

Its my belief that when you have wronged someone in their eyes, apologize first, figure out the whats and why fores later, then if they deserved the "pissing off" you can do it again or let matters lie where they are.

I feel no anger towards anyone here, so.... why not clear things up with an apology.

 

[Banshee16]

It's the mob mentality. The larger the group of people a person is in, the more likely he/she is throw out his/her own morals and go along with the group. So, kids living in a larger city would meet more kids behaving badly than would kids in a more rural setting, and so the urban kids learn earlier how to be naughty.

On the subject of rudeness, there's a man at my office in a wheelchar. If I could make a wish and he could get up and walk around like anyone else, I would; no one deserves to be in a wheelchair. That said, today I held the door for him and he whizzed on by without a word. He is also known to run people down in the narrow walkways because he's late for a meeting or whatnot. What's the most irritating is that I don't feel I could say something like "You're welcome!" to him (facetiously) after he whizzed out the door I was holding, like I might if it were a walking person, because I would feel bad for picking on a handicapped individual. And yet I don't feel I can *not* hold the door open for him, because he *is* handicapped. It's a rather annoying situation all around.

Well, you could always steal Rel's bungee cord, use it to attach the guy's wheelchair to the door next time you let him through, and enjoy the show

Banshee

 

[Harmon]

I've occasionally wondered if the prevalence of online forums of communication hasn't heightened rudeness amongst people at large.

Perception of what I say is so often taken in the negitive, in forums like this my perceived rudeness factor jumps a thousand percent. So I completely agree with you.

 

[Harmon]

On the subject of rudeness, there's a man at my office in a wheelchar. If I could make a wish and he could get up and walk around like anyone else, I would; no one deserves to be in a wheelchair. That said, today I held the door for him and he whizzed on by without a word. He is also known to run people down in the narrow walkways because he's late for a meeting or whatnot. What's the most irritating is that I don't feel I could say something like "You're welcome!" to him (facetiously) after he whizzed out the door I was holding, like I might if it were a walking person, because I would feel bad for picking on a handicapped individual. And yet I don't feel I can *not* hold the door open for him, because he *is* handicapped. It's a rather annoying situation all around.

Treat him how you would treat anyone. A wheelchair is no reason to be rude. Next time he tries to run you down say something- talk to your boss, let him know its a dangerous game he is playing. You do not have to hold the door, though it does make you a better person then he- say "Thank you, Hijinks. You are very welcome. How is your day going? Very well thank you," and smile when he looks at you "sorry, just imagining the conversation we could have had."

It might be a little rude, but it might help him to understand that you are perceiving him as being rude; he might not understand what he is doing is rude.

Maybe that is a lot of it- people that are rude might not know they are being perceived that way. Maybe the guy thinks you should open the door for him because he's in a wheel chair?

If you know him then ask him.

 

[Hijinks]

I don't think I agree that the Internet and chat forums such as this are contributing overall to the rudeness in society. As an example of my opinion, I find that more often than not, the men that do not hold the door for me (and I don't expect men to hold the door for me because I'm a woman, but rather because I'm a human being coming up behind them or coming up as they're going out), are older men, in their 40's and 50's. For some reason, men of this age do not hold the door for me, or any other woman. I'm not sure why, I would expect men of this age - my father's age - to be gentlemanly, but they don't seem to be in my area anyway.

Also, the people I've noticed who tend to not hold doors are not the type that I think are surfing forums and doing other things that people like us do. I personally surf a lot of forums; some I post on, others I don't. It's easy to assume everyone else does too, but my parents and other relatives hardly ever use the internet; people I know have families and consider themselves too busy. Not everyone surfs the net all the time like me.

I think that, overall, Americans tend to be ruder than other nationalities. I don't say this to disparage Americans in any way; I am one and I'm very patriotic. However, I have noticed a tendency in the last 10 years or so that I've been back in the states, that Americans are me-me-me; we're always in a rush; most of us DEFINITELY don't like to be told "no," or that we can't do something right when we want to do it. We don't want to diet and exercise to lose weight because that requires effort and takes too long, even if it took 12 years to put the weight on; we want it sucked out RIGHT NOW. I think the rudeness we see in folks of all ages these days is in a large part due to impatience.

Why do we think that our children need to do soccer practice, piano lessons, have an after-school job, AND do chores around the house? Why do we always fill our weekends with so many errands and things to do? Very few people tend to take time off to just stop, take a breath, hang out. Everyone's in so much of a rush. Me, personally, I usually spend Sundays hanging out, napping, maybe playing some games; I don't, however, have a family and can afford the luxury of relaxation. I don't know if this makes me more polite because I'm not always in a rush to do things, but I think I would probably be less polite if I had less time to spare.

The only thing I blame for rudeness is the American societal mindset that we always have to be go-go-go, have something going on, be doing something new, etc.

 

[JRRNeiklot]

Also, RE: Southern Hospitality - I don't really think this is true. Far too many yankees have moved down here to make the place that pleasant any more.

(I kid. I kid because I love.)

Bah, North Carolina ain't south. Damn yankee.