The only thing I can pull you up on is this - words don't mean anything by themselves. A word's meaning is determined entirely by how it is used. So if people use it to mean a thing, it means that thing, the "shape of the word" notwithstanding.
The rest of your post is, as far as I can tell, absolutely spot-on.
Okay, but like...I'm not talking about how people
use it. I'm talking about what it
looks like it should mean based on the etymology of the word,
not based on its usage.
A facile reading of "realism" would lead one to think it is a belief, style, or behavior ("-ism," "a distinctive doctrine, theory, system, or practice") which relates to things that materially exist ("real," e.g. def. 3 on Dictionary.com, "being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary"). That facile reading is incorrect
based on usage, but it is a very common error.
Hence: problem word. You're right that humans invent words, but they have a context, a history. Word history, like that of any tool, is relevant but not determinative (thank God!) Usage isn't
absolutely determinative either, it's just very weighty because the purpose of words is to communicate, and communication is more effective when it is accessible. Common usage for a chosen audience is not "correct," it is simply
useful, because you'll reach the largest portion thereof. E.g., "irregardless" is a well-established word, albeit one coming (almost surely) from an accidental conflation between
irregard(ful) and
regardless, but it is unwise to use it in any kind of formal discussion, because it will either negatively draw attention (weaker communication) or confuse some portion of the audience (unclear). Usage, register, specific audience, context, and history (especially "visually apparent" history like "oh, this word contains the word "real" inside it, it must have something to do with
reality) all play a part in what words mean.
"Realism" is an unfortunate word where its usage and its visible etymology are only very poorly related, which leads to confusion. Much better to use a different word that does not have such faults. I prefer "groundedness." It turns away from the truthiness issues with "simulationism" and "verisimilitude" (which both run afoul of having nothing to simulate), while preserving the key expectation from "realism," namely that things proceed or work out as one might rationally expect given ordinary human intuition and a solid but not necessarily complete basis of information about a situation.
The player doesn't "forget" an encounter maneuver after using it, of course - the defence has just seen it before and won't fall for it a second time.
Do keep in mind that the original presentation of "dissociated" mechanics specifically goes with this--to the point that it treats any such flavorful description of this sort of thing as "house-ruling," which I personally find patently ridiculous. (Anything which purports to conflate
description of situation with
altering the game's rules deeply,
deeply confuses me.)
The quoted bit, though, seemed worth a comment because I find it so bizarre. I mean, it helps to know what you like and don't like, what sorts of things support your playstyle preferences and what sorts of things don't. Like, the amount of "crunch" in a game is a matter of preference, but you can still define what you mean by "crunch" and use that to evaluate whether certain mechanics will work for you or not. The whole bit is so strange I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
I mean, I don't disagree with any of that. I'm just telling you that that
isn't analysis or critique. It is self-reflection. That's certainly useful! But it isn't
analysis. If that's all you're doing, cool, but there's nothing to discuss about that. There is only and exactly one possible expert on what you like:
you. No one can speak more authoritatively on what you like than
you, and no one can provide meaningful critique or analysis of your preferences or whether other games match those things.
As soon as you start doing that thing though--discussing
with others what the characteristics of a game
are, what purposes games
should have, and whether games do or don't meet those purposes effectively--you actually have a discussion....and you actually start engaging in critique and analysis. But to do that, you had to leave mere self-reflection behind and start talking about the nature and teleology of RPGs. That's where the pursuit of objectivity (whether a veneer of it or actually having it) factors in.