righty tightey, lefty loosey

[Henry]

"Ready oil and open flame light your way to wealth."

"Ten eyestalks with teeth,
Will cause ye much grief;
Ten eyestalks and still
touch not at much peril."

"If a vampire seeks your blood to take,
Your true best friends are sun and stake."
(The above has been singlehandedly been responsible for more deaths of adventurers tackling their foes with a raw Porterhouse...)

"Against mind flayers there is no save,
If skin is mauve and four tentacles wave,
Prepare yourself for an early grave."

"Rakshasas betray before they rend,
by pretending to be close lover or friend.
instead of doom as one might portend,
a holy bolt will spell his end."

 

[Barak]

Simper Fi

 

[Nareau]

P1: We should just burn this evil town to the ground.
P2: I thought we came here to cleanse the town?!
P3: Well...Fire cleanses.

Not original, but always applies:
"When someone asks you if you're a God, you say 'YES'!!!"

Mage: "Look, I said I was sorry, OK? I thought you'd make that reflex save!"

Always keep a list. Once you get Scry, Teleport, and Slay Living, start crossing names off that list.

Remember, always put two crossbow bolts in the brainpan.

Spider

 

[guedo79]

Always keep a list. Once you get Scry, Teleport, and Slay Living, start crossing names off that list.

I love it. Can I quote you on that?

 

[Henry]

Originally posted by Spider

Always keep a list. Once you get Scry, Teleport, and Slay Living, start crossing names off that list.




I love it. Can I quote you on that?

*BAMF*

The wizards Jaycus and William the Silent appear in the study, enormous scroll in hand

"Are you... (reads scroll) ...Nils Stavanger, of 1414 Aboleth Hills Road?"

"And did you, on August 14th of this year call us (quoting from scroll) 'no-talent hacks of middling wizardly skill, who wouldn't know a beholder from a common prostitute?' "

 

[Angcuru]

*rolls natural 20 on bluff check*
"Nope. That'd be the guy next door."

 

[Speaker]

Ahem

"Nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure..."

 

[Rel]

A few that we included in the Rolemaster Essence Companion are as follows (these were mostly written with Wizard types in mind):

Anyone who urges you to search out an artifact that controls powerful demons and promises to use it "only for good" should have their references checked.

Do not lightly shrug off the fact that one of your companions "wakes up dead". If not exactly a bad omen, it certainly speaks towards your future.

Never wade in or drink from pools of acid. (One of my wife's ex-characters is to thank for that one)

I have encountered more problems with no solution than problems with only one solution.

Never go to a cobbler named "Melkar the Destroyer." It just isn't prudent.

Always carry a dagger. People will assume you know how to use it. Don't push it by carrying a sword.

Never taunt powerful wizards with phrases like, "We've got your wife." Especially if you have his wife.

I have discovered that when one is searching for "lost secrets of magic", one should go off the beaten path. It is nearly impossible to find "lost secrets of magic" in busy intersections.

Those who practice what is known as [Divine Magic] are best not referred to as "relic waving zealots". They can raise a mob. Even [Arcane Magic] is more predictable and controllable than a mob.

Humility is a virtue that has its place even among Wizards. Peasants should not be kicked or referred to as "filth". It is difficult to find someone willing to sell you dinner after such displays.

 

[Arc]

When the innkeeper chuckles as he shows you the 2nd story room with windows... camp outside.

If the DM says "It's completely, totally, and utterly non-magical", assume it's an artifact.

Always have 1 trick the DM doesn't know about.

A see invisible is always worth 1 spell slot.

True seeing is better.

See that guy in the robes? Yeah, the one waving his hands and muttering funny things. Make sure he's more annoyed at your comrades than you.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Straight from master Pratchett:

"The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its most stupid member divided by the number of people in the mob"