RPGs aren't just a pastime. They can create lifelong friends for adults.
The difference? Imaginative play over a long period of time creates intense ties. The key factor being time.
Not surprisingly, young adults form these friendships during stages of their lives when they have an abundance of free time. These friendships flourish because there's room for them; both university students, military personnel stationed together, and even prisoners can have intense shared experiences and long stretches of down time. Not surprisingly, both of these settings are fertile ground for the launch of tabletop role-playing game campaigns.
When adults take on more responsibility like entering the workforce or raising a family, friendship becomes a luxury. Friendships tend to form in the context of doing something else, e.g., friendships formed between adult parents participating in children's events or fitness activities.
One of the conceits of the popular television series, Friends, was that adults were able to continue their college experience well into middle age, with their friends living right across each other (like a dorm), without ever worrying about how to pay for it.
It's no surprise then that as we grow older, friendships become harder to form and maintain, because friendship is no longer an adult priority. In fact, not having an actual plan to do something once friends get together can make adults uncomfortable. And these sorts of friendship-focused events take time, time that many adults can afford to spare in their busy lives.
The one place this becomes acceptable is with romantic partners. Date nights are a common thing, with only loose guidelines as to what constitutes "fun" for both.
RPGs also provide guardrails for gaming. Players are expected to return week after week to play a similar role in the game, picking up where the last game left off. Thus the game doesn't really end, giving the game a freeform quality but some level of accountability.
Speaking of freeform, role-playing by its very nature is its own open play, the kind of "let's pretend" that comes naturally to kids. As Cohen correctly points out, Dungeons & Dragons and other RPGs "foreground play and inefficiency" as part of hanging out.
Although it may not feel like it, role-playing in a game where "anything can be attempted" is a call back to our lives as kids. And while it may not be as glamorous as Friends, it's a really important part of maintaining adult friendships.
Your Turn: How do your adult friends make time for tabletop gaming?
Creative Bonds
In an article titled "What Adults Forget About Friendship," Rhiana Cohen elaborates on the importance of friendships and how kids "waste time together" to make memories. But there's nothing unique to friendships we form as children that can't be formed as adults.The difference? Imaginative play over a long period of time creates intense ties. The key factor being time.
The Adult Difference
Adult friendships differ from kids in several important ways. Bonds tend to be stronger on cognitive, social, and emotional levels, and can provide better support and empathy. This deepens over time, forming stronger bonds as the friendship evolves.Not surprisingly, young adults form these friendships during stages of their lives when they have an abundance of free time. These friendships flourish because there's room for them; both university students, military personnel stationed together, and even prisoners can have intense shared experiences and long stretches of down time. Not surprisingly, both of these settings are fertile ground for the launch of tabletop role-playing game campaigns.
When adults take on more responsibility like entering the workforce or raising a family, friendship becomes a luxury. Friendships tend to form in the context of doing something else, e.g., friendships formed between adult parents participating in children's events or fitness activities.
One of the conceits of the popular television series, Friends, was that adults were able to continue their college experience well into middle age, with their friends living right across each other (like a dorm), without ever worrying about how to pay for it.
It's no surprise then that as we grow older, friendships become harder to form and maintain, because friendship is no longer an adult priority. In fact, not having an actual plan to do something once friends get together can make adults uncomfortable. And these sorts of friendship-focused events take time, time that many adults can afford to spare in their busy lives.
The one place this becomes acceptable is with romantic partners. Date nights are a common thing, with only loose guidelines as to what constitutes "fun" for both.
Enter the RPG
Tabletop role-playing games fill a niche for adult play in a lot of ways that are uniquely tailored to the medium. RPGs require a significant chunk of time, longer than an hour or so, asking for a level of investment few television shows or video games require. RPGs give permission for adults to spend four or more hours of semi-structured time with each other.RPGs also provide guardrails for gaming. Players are expected to return week after week to play a similar role in the game, picking up where the last game left off. Thus the game doesn't really end, giving the game a freeform quality but some level of accountability.
Speaking of freeform, role-playing by its very nature is its own open play, the kind of "let's pretend" that comes naturally to kids. As Cohen correctly points out, Dungeons & Dragons and other RPGs "foreground play and inefficiency" as part of hanging out.
Although it may not feel like it, role-playing in a game where "anything can be attempted" is a call back to our lives as kids. And while it may not be as glamorous as Friends, it's a really important part of maintaining adult friendships.
Your Turn: How do your adult friends make time for tabletop gaming?
Last edited:
With Jobs, kids, responsibilities etc.. something has to give and its usually RPGs. Many of my friends also work on PCs all day, and do not want to game on one after. So the opportunities afforded by VTT are often wasted too.
