TSR's 1984 adventure module N2: The Forest Oracle is often cited as one of the worst D&D adventures ever published. In particular, one passage is frequently quoted - and, indeed, it's pretty funny as it described a group of brigands who are not tarrying, not running, have no expressions, are not soldiers, are not joking loudly, are not singing, will volunteer no information, but will not lie if asked a direct question.
4. THE BRIGANDS
A group of seven men approaches. They are following the road east, and are making good time, neither tarrying nor running. Their faces are expressionless. One is dressed as a cleric of some sort, and another is dressed as a traveling drummer. The others could be peasants or serfs going from one location to another for the harvest season. Each carries some sort of weapon. It is plain that they are not soldiers by their haphazard way of walking. They do not seem to be joking loudly or singing as they advance.
The party encounters seven brigands. One is the leader (Fighter; AC 5; MV 6' per round; HD 3; hp 13; % in Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 Sword +1; SA Sword +1; SD Standard), of the other six brigands (Fighters; AC 7; MV 6' per round; HD 1-6; hp 10 each; % In Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 [sword]; SA None; SD Standard). The brigands look like rough men and carry weapons that pilgrims or wayfarers would not.
The brigands charge when they are 25 feet from the party of adventurers. They are all armed with swords. Roll 1d6. On 1-3 the brigands surprise, on 3-4 there is no surprise, and on 5-6 the party surprises. The brigands will fight until they are all dead, or until the party has been killed. If a brigand is captured, he will offer to lead the party to his hide-out (Area 2A Map) if they spare his life. He will not volunteer any more information about the hideout, but will not lie if asked a direct question about it.
The main source of amusement in this encounter is the way the brigands are described not in terms of what they are, but what they are not; and they are described in terms of what they will not do. What do we know about these brigands?
For those who can't live without a copy of the adventure, it's available here on DndClassics.com.
The above passage has inspired parodies, and this thread is full of them. Simplicity describes an encounter as follows:
A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.
LukeLightning enjoyed the module so much that he decided to write his own, new encounter:
14. THE WINTER WOLF.
As the party enters the clearing, they see a pile of apples. Read the description below:
There is a pile of 12 or 13 or 19 apples in the center of the clearing. They look as if they have been here for more that two days but less than four days. None of the apples show signs of being eaten. All of the apples are red. One apple has bites taken out of it. In the clearing you hear the singing of birds, but the birds are not running or joking loudly.
The apples have no secret compartments. As the party approaches the apples, they hear a howl. A local winter wolf (AC 5; MV 18"; HD 5+1; hp 27 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [bite]; SA Surprise on 1-4, cold breath; SD immune to cold) has been collecting all the apples in the forest in order to lure prey to the clearing. If anyone takes an apple or gets too close or avoids the apples, the wolf leaps out of the pile and attacks. Roll 1d6 to determine surprise: 1-2: the party is surprised, 3-3, nobody is surprised, 3-5 the party is surprised, 6 the apples are surprised. The wolf once drank a potion of sleep, but is awake now because it is not near a pavilion. It will attempt to use its cold breath on anyone near the apples, or anyone not near the apples. After two rounds of combat wererats (AC 6; MV 12"; HD 3+1; hp 16 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [sword]; SA Surprise on 1-4; SD Hit only by silver or +1 or better magic weapons) will leap out of the secret door. Roll 1d6 for the sleep spells target.
After the party kills the wolf, they can take the apples and the golden statue of the dragon as well.
A group of seven men approaches. They are following the road east, and are making good time, neither tarrying nor running. Their faces are expressionless. One is dressed as a cleric of some sort, and another is dressed as a traveling drummer. The others could be peasants or serfs going from one location to another for the harvest season. Each carries some sort of weapon. It is plain that they are not soldiers by their haphazard way of walking. They do not seem to be joking loudly or singing as they advance.
The party encounters seven brigands. One is the leader (Fighter; AC 5; MV 6' per round; HD 3; hp 13; % in Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 Sword +1; SA Sword +1; SD Standard), of the other six brigands (Fighters; AC 7; MV 6' per round; HD 1-6; hp 10 each; % In Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 [sword]; SA None; SD Standard). The brigands look like rough men and carry weapons that pilgrims or wayfarers would not.
The brigands charge when they are 25 feet from the party of adventurers. They are all armed with swords. Roll 1d6. On 1-3 the brigands surprise, on 3-4 there is no surprise, and on 5-6 the party surprises. The brigands will fight until they are all dead, or until the party has been killed. If a brigand is captured, he will offer to lead the party to his hide-out (Area 2A Map) if they spare his life. He will not volunteer any more information about the hideout, but will not lie if asked a direct question about it.
The main source of amusement in this encounter is the way the brigands are described not in terms of what they are, but what they are not; and they are described in terms of what they will not do. What do we know about these brigands?
- They are neither tarrying nor running
- They have no expressions on their faces
- It is plain they are not soldiers
- They carry weapons pilgrims or wayfarers would not
- They will not volunteer information
- They will not lie if asked a direct question
For those who can't live without a copy of the adventure, it's available here on DndClassics.com.
The above passage has inspired parodies, and this thread is full of them. Simplicity describes an encounter as follows:
A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.
LukeLightning enjoyed the module so much that he decided to write his own, new encounter:
14. THE WINTER WOLF.
As the party enters the clearing, they see a pile of apples. Read the description below:
There is a pile of 12 or 13 or 19 apples in the center of the clearing. They look as if they have been here for more that two days but less than four days. None of the apples show signs of being eaten. All of the apples are red. One apple has bites taken out of it. In the clearing you hear the singing of birds, but the birds are not running or joking loudly.
The apples have no secret compartments. As the party approaches the apples, they hear a howl. A local winter wolf (AC 5; MV 18"; HD 5+1; hp 27 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [bite]; SA Surprise on 1-4, cold breath; SD immune to cold) has been collecting all the apples in the forest in order to lure prey to the clearing. If anyone takes an apple or gets too close or avoids the apples, the wolf leaps out of the pile and attacks. Roll 1d6 to determine surprise: 1-2: the party is surprised, 3-3, nobody is surprised, 3-5 the party is surprised, 6 the apples are surprised. The wolf once drank a potion of sleep, but is awake now because it is not near a pavilion. It will attempt to use its cold breath on anyone near the apples, or anyone not near the apples. After two rounds of combat wererats (AC 6; MV 12"; HD 3+1; hp 16 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [sword]; SA Surprise on 1-4; SD Hit only by silver or +1 or better magic weapons) will leap out of the secret door. Roll 1d6 for the sleep spells target.
After the party kills the wolf, they can take the apples and the golden statue of the dragon as well.
