Caliburn101
Explorer
Your newly published "<<Insert name Here>> Guide to the Planes" refers to every plane except for the Far Realm as 'Mostly Harmless'.
D&D 5E Signs that you've been adventuring too long
- Thread starter FuelDrop
- Start date
Chaosmancer
Legend
94. You cast Wish to get a sandwich for lunch
95. You enchanted a Toothpick of Dragonslaying +5 just for giggles
96. Whenever someone tries to show you your greatest fears, the spell fails and the caster explodes.
97. You gave your Daughter a Vorpal Greatsword for her 15th birthday, and told her to inform all the boys who also carry at least 2 Vorpal daggers at all times.
98. In sticking with your policy of always having a dagger at hand you have hidden daggers across the entire multiverse, just in case.
99. Wizards show up in front of you whenever they attempt to teleport to "the center of the multiverse"
95. You enchanted a Toothpick of Dragonslaying +5 just for giggles
96. Whenever someone tries to show you your greatest fears, the spell fails and the caster explodes.
97. You gave your Daughter a Vorpal Greatsword for her 15th birthday, and told her to inform all the boys who also carry at least 2 Vorpal daggers at all times.
98. In sticking with your policy of always having a dagger at hand you have hidden daggers across the entire multiverse, just in case.
99. Wizards show up in front of you whenever they attempt to teleport to "the center of the multiverse"
innerdude
Legend
101. You start giving out false information to your own intelligence networks (and you control all of them) just to see what happens.
102. You start seed-planting random magical items from your inventory in various dungeons across the multiverse......because you feel bad for the up-and-coming low-level parties not having enough loot.
102. You start seed-planting random magical items from your inventory in various dungeons across the multiverse......because you feel bad for the up-and-coming low-level parties not having enough loot.
BoldItalic
First Post
104. Your wife sends you to the store for 3d10 potatoes.
105. One of your sons is called Mordenkainen. He's 37 now.
106. Your cat is AC11.
105. One of your sons is called Mordenkainen. He's 37 now.
106. Your cat is AC11.
Eltab
Lord of the Hidden Layer
Your accumulated gear is so heavy (and you have so much of it), it shows up in maps of your solar system as a gravitational anomaly.
NotActuallyTim
First Post
108. Your gear goes adventuring without you whenever you sleep in.
110. You use a Demi-Lich as your alarm clock...and you Turn Undead on it for a snooze effect.
111. You have intentionally weakened your defenses to leave your knee unprotected, so you can (hopefully) take an arrow there and use the injury as an excuse to become a city guard.
112. You attacked the darkness and defeated it, gazebos dread you, and zephyrs whistle to keep their fear of you to a minimum.
113. In your planar travels, you have learned to defeat most opponents with SPAM and Tab.
114. You found a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory, but went to the wrong place. You now run a successful chocolate factory out of a nice installation in The Barrier Peaks, with most of the candy made by funny looking little brown critters.
115. When you approach the Gates of Hell, Cerberus brings you a ball, a rope bone and a round shield to play fetch with.
116. When you approach the Gates of Hell, you bypass the gate that says "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" and head straight for the one that says "V.I.P. Entrance- authorized personnel only".
117. Hastur refuses to mention you.
118. Azathoth listens intently and quietly to your tales at cocktail parties.
119. You have a 300 average in your bowling league, because you use a Sphere of Annihilation.
111. You have intentionally weakened your defenses to leave your knee unprotected, so you can (hopefully) take an arrow there and use the injury as an excuse to become a city guard.
112. You attacked the darkness and defeated it, gazebos dread you, and zephyrs whistle to keep their fear of you to a minimum.
113. In your planar travels, you have learned to defeat most opponents with SPAM and Tab.
114. You found a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory, but went to the wrong place. You now run a successful chocolate factory out of a nice installation in The Barrier Peaks, with most of the candy made by funny looking little brown critters.
115. When you approach the Gates of Hell, Cerberus brings you a ball, a rope bone and a round shield to play fetch with.
116. When you approach the Gates of Hell, you bypass the gate that says "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" and head straight for the one that says "V.I.P. Entrance- authorized personnel only".
117. Hastur refuses to mention you.
118. Azathoth listens intently and quietly to your tales at cocktail parties.
119. You have a 300 average in your bowling league, because you use a Sphere of Annihilation.
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BoldItalic
First Post
120. When you encounter a swarm of tarrasque in a 10ftx10ft room, you cast enlarge on the room because it's inhumane to keep animals in overcrowded conditions like that.
121. Your crit roll is '1's and above.
122. Even your intelligent sword has its own intelligent sword.
123. Your initiative is so high that time runs backwards in combat encounters.
124. Your character sheet is the PHB.
125. As well as the nine rings, the seven rings, the five rings, the three rings and the One Ring, you have the 10, the 8, the 6, the 4 and the 2.
121. Your crit roll is '1's and above.
122. Even your intelligent sword has its own intelligent sword.
123. Your initiative is so high that time runs backwards in combat encounters.
124. Your character sheet is the PHB.
125. As well as the nine rings, the seven rings, the five rings, the three rings and the One Ring, you have the 10, the 8, the 6, the 4 and the 2.
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