D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[BoldItalic]

There was a busy rolling of dice, checking of character sheets and a general air of relief that, at last, after days of just role-playing the game was actually going somewhere and we might actually be getting a combat encounter, possibly with something a bit Stealthy. Things were looking up.

After fiddling about with Adjustments the best result was Solong, with a 29; the lowest was Throg, with minus 17 (because he dropped the dice anyway, and they fell off the table under his chair), and the others were in between. They looked expectantly at the DM. Some of them unobtrusively equipped spells and weapons. Would it be Githyanki? Please let it be Githyanki, preferably mounted on ancient undead dragons? This was exciting.

The DC was 30.

You are unable to change the rules to resolve the problem of excess gold in D&D, in a way that will please everyone.


Solong sighed. "Some you win, some you lose," he said stoically and went back to Athens to invent democracy (unsuccessfully, as it turned out).

Uncle Fu and the other flounces wandered off, muttering "told you so, this game is rubbish," and were never seen again.

A crowd of NPC extras were paid off with 1000gp/level and allowed one unlikely item of their choice, to be written up on their log sheets.

Hermione gave Throg a sympathetic hug. "Fancy a coffee?"

"Your plaice or mine?" he grinned.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

A familiar figure stepped flamboyantly from some unremarkably flamboyant shadows. He wore flamboyant clothes of deep blues*, deep purple**, and skintight black leather. His bleached white hair hung loosely to his shoulders.

He carried a slide trombone made of night-black metal, it's slide etched with glowing red runes.***

"Did someone say 'mine'?"

Then he sang...
"I saw the mine and it opened up my eyes, I saw the mine
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the mine and it opened up my eyes, I saw the mine
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?

(Slide trombone solo)"







* Miles Davis' wraparound sunglasses
** "World Tour 1987"
*** "Stonedbringer" ~ translation courtesy of a gnome named Bing

 

[BoldItalic]

"Did you turn out the lights?" asked TheTwo, his nose twitching suspiciously.

"Yes, dear," replied 4T, "It's all over. This is a perfectly ordinary cellar with no rats at all."

"So, why are we here? What's the point of it all? Life, The Universe, and Everything?"

"I think you know, dear."

 

[BoldItalic]

Should I write an epilogue, like Shakespeare, Sir?
Yes, Trainger, that is an excellent idea. Well done, boy. You will go far.

---

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

---

Well done, Trainger. Now, let's see, that's 100XP each for the shadows, you've used the Mending cantrip three times and that's good but remember that Elves are immune to Slumber. "Gentles" is a clever reference to the Noble background, yes, and we are left in doubt as to the nature of the serpent so there is an element of suspense, but it would appear that you have made Puck a Halfling Charlatan, with references to luck and liar and I don't think that's quite what The Eternal Bard had in mind, is it? Overall, a good effort with some room for improvement. You will be coming to this evening's session of the school D&D club after prep, I take it?

Yes, Sir, Of course, Sir. Thank you Sir.

Sir?

Yes, Trainger?

Do they have a D&D club at Balliol, Sir?

Undoubtedly, boy, but I shall write to the Master personally to make sure. He and I were at school together, of course.

Yes, Sir, thank you Sir.

Now run along and report to Dr. Spiton for your music lesson.

Yes, Sir.

Exit, pursued by a bear.

 

[rgoodbb]

Tap Tap Tap...

"Was that it then? Did we finish?" Asked forgotten Poppet number 1

"I'm not sure. I took a couple of punts at an ending but things just carried on. What do you think?" Replied poppet number 3

"I think I'm hungry/Wonder what's on the menu tonight."Replied the other two poppets immediately; 4 and 2.

"Dunno but I'm hoping it will be F...............................

 

[BoldItalic]

Shall we conspire to end with a flourish at post #500 ? I like round numbers and 500 is comfortable somehow. We need to plan it carefully, though ...

#495 - This one
#496 - A final farewell from THAC0, now living in a Magnificent Mansion instead of just a humble trapdoor, running a successful airline and the proud possessor of a Staff of Thousands.
#497 - A write-up of a new level-8 spell called Gildan's Midas Touch which transmutes alchemists into gold.
#498 - A complaint asking why this thread is so long and suggesting that it would have been a lot shorter if we had left out all the silly jokes and obscure classical references and had instead concentrated on just agreeing with the OP.
#499 - A response poking fun at #498
#500 - A Vogon cruiser called "The Sole Survivor" destroys the earth and everything in it, and that really is the finish. Like, finally.

 

[rgoodbb]

Wait. What's in post 495? I got confused. This one? Doh!

 

[rgoodbb]

I'm going to chime in here with a few posts to go and say thanks to everyone who contributed. Those who wrote, gave xp or laughs and those who remained anonymous but read and enjoyed as well. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing daft stuff and being part of a mobile morphing storythread.

If anyone sees a future thread that requires some re-adjustment after abandonment then be sure to let us know. I'll certainly be up for it!

Thanks again for all the you know what,

rgoodbb signing off.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Not sure if ending at 500 posts is flamboyant or merely flouncy.

 

[BoldItalic]

Just to echo rgoodbb's sentiment, I've thoroughly enjoyed being part of this collaborative story-telling effort, which is after all, what D&D is about. Thanks to everyone who has contributed and kept up the momentum, and thanks for tolerating my silliness and awful puns. We should do more of these threads (but not too many, obviously. About one a year maybe?).

Now, just a few loose ends to tie up, if you will indulge me:

---

From: gen11@thac0airlines.com

Hi, guys, how's it going? The magic carpet business really took off after the Athens trip and Solong is now my CEO (Shipping). The guy's a financial genius. He borrowed millions from the banks, then promulgated a law cancelling all debts so we didn't have to pay any of it back! Talk about a smooth operator! You guys ever need transport, anything, anytime, anywhere, you know where to come. Business class upgrades, no problem. Just mention my name.

---

GILDAN'S MIDAS TOUCH
8th-level transmutation

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Touch
Components: V,S,M (a haddock, that is not expended)
Duration: Instantaneous

Using a fresh haddock you slap an unwilling subject, who must be a bona fide member of the Alchemists' and Goldsmiths' Guild, and he or she is turned to gold and Incapacitated. The resulting statue is worth 3gp per troy ounce weight of alchemist. The spell can be reversed with a Gold To Flesh spell or, theoretically, by a Wish spell cast by the subject. The latter is difficult to arrange, however, since the alchemist is Incapacitated and therefore cannot cast spells ...