So my game was cancelled tonight

[Morrus]

Well, the fact that is was for a D&D game is irrelevant; this is a basic social issue, not a gaming issue. And it's pretty much Social Behaviour 101; we're not talking advanced techniques here.

That's pretty rude. Sure, sometimes social arrangements get cancelled; but not informing the other party in advance is fairly obnoxious, in my opinion. Shows a complete lack of respect.

If you're not going to be where you said you were going to be, you let people know. It's a very simlpe, very basic rule of social intercourse. It stops people (like you) from feeling upset; it allows them to make alternative arrangements; and, more importantly - it's just what you do.

I'd be pretty angry myself.

 

[billd91]

I have to agree that it's very rude to not at least call to let the other players know you aren't showing up. You're fully in the right to read them the riot act over that no matter how fun the Cinco de Mayo party would be. There's not excuse for not calling.

I wouldn't let it get you too down, though. If they're properly apologetic, little harm has been done.

 

[Darrin Drader]

Sounds like my younger brother. I've had him not show more than once because he forgot about it and had his phone turned off, or I called the day of to remind him and found out that he was going to be out with his friends instead. The last time it happened I told him that the group just assumed that he was out. All the sudden he was very interested in getting back into their good graces. Unfortunately since he's my brother, I cannot make him remember he has a game commitment, nor can I ditch him from the game without alienating him.

 

[Flynn]

I have had my share of this in the past, myself. Since I don't always keep the same gamers from campaign to campaign, and I tend to be the GM in our clique that brings in new players most frequently, I have put together a simple one-page set of gaming group guidelines for my games, simply to put everyone on the same page in regards to my basic expectations. Here's an excerpt from them:

If You Can’t Make It: If you have to miss a session, please let me know in advance as soon as you can. It helps with maintaining the flow of the adventures and the campaign. I consider it a sign of respect to your GM and the other players to let them know if you can’t make it to a session.
Calling The Session: I will not run a session based in the current campaign if two or more of the players are not present, unless an absent player gives permission to go on without them.
Absenteeism: During periods where there is a waiting list to play in the campaign, any player that misses three sessions in a row (or three sessions during any rolling period of six sessions) is considered to have voluntarily resigned their seat at the table, and offers to play are extended to those on the waiting list. This automatic resignation can be overridden by unanimous approval of the current group.

This helps to set everyone's expectations on how I want to approach handling these things. Because I currently run Savage Worlds, my players tend to show up even if the campaign game is called, because I'll run a One Shot using the system with an unusual genre, and we still get to play. I frequently have a waiting list to play in my campaigns, so the Absenteeism element is frequently useful when a player has found other time commitments that are more important to him than my game. The rest of my players appreciate a regular attendee, and with the three strikes rule, it's easy to move on and find someone that is willing to be there more than fifty percent of the time.

As an aside, I've also had new players that showed up for two or three sessions and then just stopped showing up at all. The three strikes rule helps clear that up within a reasonable time, and we can bring someone else in.

It may help you to institute an attendance policy for your group, especially if the only time you meet with or hear from some of these guys is on Game Night.

Hope This Helps,
Flynn

 

[frankthedm]

A Party [aka Free booze and inebriated members of the opposite sex ]is a darn good reason to call off a casual game.

Also are all the players in the same social circles? And would all the players in the group have the tact to understand hearing about a party is NOT an invitation to said party? It is sad, but sometimes you have to keep info from groups of people so that one obnoxious individual does not find out about the party.

 

[Aholibamah]

It's partly a social issue, yes, and it shows a lack of consideration. You should be annoyed with them on that score.

On the other hand players sometimes really don't understand that it does take a lot of work to run a decent D&D game, and so there's an extra amount of consideration there. It's a little bit similar to not showing up to a rehearsal; you're letting people down. Sure it's a game--it's also meant to be fun for everyone.

 

[Desdichado]

Would it be OK if I said, "run a better game so that the whole group is excited about your game, not just you, and they won't stand you up like that" or would that just be rude and mean-spirited?

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

A Party [aka Free booze and inebriated members of the opposite sex ]is a darn good reason to call off a casual game.

Also are all the players in the same social circles? And would all the players in the group have the tact to understand hearing about a party is NOT an invitation to said party? It is sad, but sometimes you have to keep info from groups of people so that one obnoxious individual does not find out about the party.

So you call or e-mail and say, "I'm not going to be able to make it tonight" without giving the reason why. At least you let them know rather than leave people hanging around waiting for you to show when they could have been doing something else. That's what we did in my group. The "why" wasn't as important as the courtesy to inform us. The one time it didn't happen, the player had a pretty good excuse - being rushed to the ER after collapsing at his house.

 

[Mouseferatu]

It's partly a social issue, yes, and it shows a lack of consideration. You should be annoyed with them on that score.

On the other hand players sometimes really don't understand that it does take a lot of work to run a decent D&D game, and so there's an extra amount of consideration there. It's a little bit similar to not showing up to a rehearsal; you're letting people down. Sure it's a game--it's also meant to be fun for everyone.

This. When you bail on a game, you're not just changing your plans; you're potentially changing everyone's. That makes attending the game an actual commitment, albeit a purely social one, not just something you do "when you feel like it." (Unless it's understood from the beginning that it's a casual, unscheduled game.)

That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't ever cancel. Real life happens, parties happen, and so forth. But a call in advance--and I don't just mean an hour, I mean enough time for the DM to either alter the game, or for the group to make alternate plans (preferably several days' notice)--is the least I'd expect, except in cases of actual emergency.

 

[Oryan77]

Flakes like that can be really annoying for the DM...I feel for ya.

But on the other hand, the smart thing to do would have been to ask if you & your other players could go to this party. Then when you show up, you guys load up on free booze, bring it back to your house, and start your D&D game