So... My Group Just Broke...

[rkwoodard]

wow

Yes, you have it right, roguerouge. The DM was going to be the bridesmaid at the quitting player's wedding, but she made that decision way before the DM and her fiancé ever considered getting married. And all this crap ruined a perfectly started campaign where we all played together despite our former controversies. It just blows my mind every time I think about it... People should learn to separate things instead of mixing it all up... And I had such high hopes for this...

So,

Player gets engaged 1st, ask dm to be bridesmaid
Dm then gets engaged, sets an earlier wedding date, and does not even invite Bridesmaid to the wedding.

Dude, something went on behind the scenes, and this might have been the least destructive method of it occuring.

You did nothing wrong, and tried to smooth things over, that is commendable. But wow, I don't think I would want to step into that minefield.

RK

 

[MadMaxim]

So,

Player gets engaged 1st, ask dm to be bridesmaid
Dm then gets engaged, sets an earlier wedding date, and does not even invite Bridesmaid to the wedding.

Dude, something went on behind the scenes, and this might have been the least destructive method of it occuring.

You did nothing wrong, and tried to smooth things over, that is commendable. But wow, I don't think I would want to step into that minefield.

RK

And it pretty much blew up in my face just because I stepped into it...

 

[Xath]

Player gets engaged 1st, ask dm to be bridesmaid
Dm then gets engaged, sets an earlier wedding date, and does not even invite Bridesmaid to the wedding.

Yeah...that's a big deal. Do not underestimate the severe amount of grudge that can come out of weddings.

 

[roguerouge]

Yeah, if you chewed out the player and not the DM, you should chew out the DM too or apologize to the player. This sounds like a mutually at fault situation here, at best. My sympathies are more with the player at this point.

 

[MadMaxim]

Yeah, if you chewed out the player and not the DM, you should chew out the DM too or apologize to the player. This sounds like a mutually at fault situation here, at best. My sympathies are more with the player at this point.

Oh, I chewed out the player for completely different reasons not because of this wedding business. She is usually behaving like some spoiled brat who want things her way. The wedding thing is between the DM and the quitting player.

 

[jeffh]

Real life is a bi...err...big problem.

I had a game group in which, at the end:

#1) one player got a divorce and moved out of state.

#2) two players got divorced from each other (one of whom left the group),

#3) the remaining player (from #2 above) moved into a house with another player from the group...and THEY had a blowup and stopped talking to each other.

#4) One player refused to get a divorce and/or press charges after her hubby- also a player in the group- was revealed to be molesting their children. The resulting arguments caused those 2 to drop off the face of the Earth.

#5) One player simply stopped showing up, citing bogus non-reasons. (After playing in the same group on the same night for a few years, "I forgot it was game night" isn't a valid excuse.)

#6) One player moved out of state to go to grad school.

#7) That left me with only 1 player in a good mood and ready to play. Since he was better friends with some of the others than with me, he, too, stopped showing up.

He and the 2 ladies from #3 eventually wanted to game with me again, but the bizarre suicide of one of their mutual friends ended that (re)group after 1 night...actually, mid-adventure, when they got the call.

Of all of them, I've only gamed with #6 since 2005, and then only sporadically.

At some point, you'll have a group that real life pressures will cause to implode. With any luck, it will be only one group.

Holy crap. I can't believe this hasn't gotten more comments (or maybe you posted about it when it was happening or something and people got it out of their system then?). But that's seriously messed up from start to finish, especially item 4.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Holy crap. I can't believe this hasn't gotten more comments (or maybe you posted about it when it was happening or something and people got it out of their system then?). But that's seriously messed up from start to finish, especially item 4.

The weirdest thing about it from my standpoint was how detached I was at the time this mess all happened. It was like it was in slo-mo...a nightmare sequence... I had almost no emotional response to any of it except the two people who moved out of state.

Even now, all these years later, its still somewhat surreal. When I discuss those months with the guy who came back (my good buddy #6), even he finds most of that time to be utterly insane- and he's got a couple of psych degrees.

Still, Lord Zardoz nailed it when he said:

My general rule is that I never bother looking for rational explanations for irrational actions.

That's an excellent Rule #1.

Rule #2 to that is "Keep your head down so you don't get sucked into the vortex of crazy."

Unless you have a compelling reason to interject yourself into the proceedings, just stay out of it or you're going to find yourself drawn into things you really have no desire to be a part of.

#6 did, and regrets it to this day.

 

[MadMaxim]

Holy crap. I can't believe this hasn't gotten more comments (or maybe you posted about it when it was happening or something and people got it out of their system then?). But that's seriously messed up from start to finish, especially item 4.

Yeah, it really is rather crazy. My problem was obviously not nearly the magnitude of what Dannyalcatraz witnessed.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Maybe not, but if you're not careful, things could spin out of control...and take you along for the ugly ride.

Seriously- weddings can bring out the crazy in anyone.

One of my best friends was getting married to a young lady with whom I had actually had a hand in setting him up. They asked me to help plan their wedding and design their rings. I made some jokes about how he should remember it was "her day"...and she immediately corrected me that their wedding would be a reflection of their equal and full partnership. It was to be "their day."

Months later, as he's picking me up from the airport to actually attend the wedding, I asked him how things were going.

He said that when he tried to help out with the planning and execution, he got yelled at for interfering. When he tried to stay out of the way of the bride and her mom, he got yelled at for not pulling his weight.

So much for equal and full partnerships!

One of my aunts was getting married a second time, and during the last few days before the wedding, I watched her fiance quietly sit down and eat burnt red beans because he didn't want to make her more upset than she already was.

I can't say whether the people in your group are actually psychos or are just behaving psychotically because of the stress of the impending nuptuals...

Just try to surf the wave of crazy and keep your eyes out for the reefs!