So, the DM Wants His Girlfriend to Play....

[pallandrome]

I DMed for my girlfriend, then my fiance, and now my wife. All the same girl too. And those who said it before are correct, you HAVE to treat her the same as everybody else. Discuss this with her ahead of time, and make certain she understands that you have to follow the rules just like she does, and you should be fine. I've never had a problem with my wife in game, because I followed this procedure religiously. Also, if you need to choose someone to be the target of an effect or attack, and your GF is one of the logical potential targets, assign all potential targets a number and then roll to see who gets to play the punching bag. This limits troubles later on. Hell, my wife even forgave me that one night when the baddies picked her, randomly, for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE.

 

[Patryn of Elvenshae]

My gaming group includes three (sometimes two) husband-wife pairs.

Obviously, gaming with your SO is not an issue for us.

 

[Greylock]

I've played in two groups where the DM's wife or girlfriend was one of the players, including my latest game. It has never been an issue, in spite of the horror stories that are often told. In both cases, the relationship and the game were kept entirely separate, and the games went smoothly. I guess it's a matter of maturity. The games I've heard of where folks have had problems, it always seems like there are issues, either between the DM and his/her SO, or between the DM and the other players, ouside of the game in the first place.

 

[Atavar]

Thanks for the great feedback everyone! Here are some answers to some questions others have posted:

1. Has she gamed before? - She's been playing computer RPGs for a long time (her current favorite is Oblivion). I introduced her to D&D 3.5 (her first tabletop RPG) around a year ago during a short one-shot. She couldn't find a local group to play in, so she's been playing in a play-by-post game for a while. So, she loves the genre, is very familiar with the concepts, and has plenty of computer RPG experience but very little tabletop RPG experience.

2. Has she observed the group play? - Yes she has, twice now (once an all-nighter), so she has seen us at play. I've also told her plenty of stories of the current characters (and their players).

3. Will she be the only woman? - Nope, there is one other woman in the group (another player's girlfriend, actually).

4. What is her play style? - I haven't seen enough to know for certain, so I'll have to ask her about this. In her PBP game she seemed really into the role-playing part (more so than my current group) but she was very into making an optimal build to kick butt, too.

5. How old are we? - In our group of seven (counting her) the youngest is about 20, the oldest is about 35, and the average is about 30. She and the other woman are the least experienced, and the rest of us have several years of gaming experience (that is not a knock on gender, simply a fact of our group).

6. Am I making a big deal about this? - Maybe. My biggest fear is what the hell do I do if, after the trial period, my group doesn't want her to stay? I'm mainly trying to do all I can to avoid that (short of not even letting her try).

Thanks again,

Atavar

 

[Nifft]

4. What is her play style? - I haven't seen enough to know for certain, so I'll have to ask her about this. In her PBP game she seemed really into the role-playing part (more so than my current group) but she was very into making an optimal build to kick butt, too.

Sounds like she has experience at both ends of the spectrum. From this, I think you have little to worry about.

Do try to kill her early, but not often.

Cheers, -- N

 

[billd91]

6. Am I making a big deal about this? - Maybe. My biggest fear is what the hell do I do if, after the trial period, my group doesn't want her to stay? I'm mainly trying to do all I can to avoid that (short of not even letting her try).

That IS worth treating carefully. If she doesn't fit in with the other players in the established group, consider forming an additional group with her and any of the players who DO approve of her participating and play another campaign plus any other recruits you can find. Obviously, only do this if you have the time to do it.

 

[GreatLemur]

Most of the people I game with are actually couples, and I've never seen any problems stemming from a GM giving / not giving / being seen as giving preferential treatment to a boyfriend or wife or whatever. ...But then that might have a lot to do with the fact that these people are all gamers. We haven't got any gamer-and-his-girlfriend-who-he-just-dragged-along pairs.

Anyway, sounds like Atavar will be fine. His girl doesn't seem like any kind of risk to the group. Certainly, nothing he's mentioned looks like a reason to worry.

My advice won't help a bit, but here it is: My gaming group is men only.

What, like as an active rule? Okay, that's pretty WTF.

 

[Frida]

Put her in a short skirt and ask her to cook food for the guys...I guarantee they won't have a problem with her being in the group

No! but she probably would

 

[Thunderfoot]

<SNIP>

6. Am I making a big deal about this? - Maybe. My biggest fear is what the hell do I do if, after the trial period, my group doesn't want her to stay? I'm mainly trying to do all I can to avoid that (short of not even letting her try).
<SNIP>

A question here is, how many people have you ever turned away and for what reasons? If you think she may violate one of these, then, no you're not freaking out. But I have a feeling that she will try to be on her best behavior, simply because I'm betting she wants to be part of the group.
It shouldn't be a problem unless you show obvious favoritism towards her - at which point just allow your players to beat you with a cat o' nine tails a few times. I run my wife, son and daughter in our group and I show then no more favoritism than anyone else, if you can stay focused and fair, you should be fine and you may end up with a VERY long term relationship. Good luck.

 

[pawsplay]

Since the campaign originally opened with a TPK, I don't think my wife would freak out if her character died or anything.