So what are your informal expectations...or rules, for a RPG?

[bloodtide]

Are we talking about things that are not about the actual playing of the game?

Both.

The "GM Agency" does mention, vagely, that there are lots of "rule that are not rules" that a Gm must follow in the game.

But more so was the mention of "secret not rules" that are informal that "everyone" (except for some people like myself) know and follow automatically....and that bind the GM too.

As for the GM being the "leader" -- wrangling players is part of the job. Not because the GM is the only adult in the room -- unless, of course, the GM is literally the only adult in the room -- but because one of the most important jobs the GM has is managing pacing. Managing pacing often means managing focus. That can be redirecting a player from their phones, but it can also mean redirecting a player from a self indulgent in-play shopping trip.

The DM being forced to act like the adult...or really the only sane person is just too common. And yes there are a couple of immature DMs, but mostly this is a huge player problem.

But, lots of us don't run/play games in such situations frequently. We are playing in our homes, with people who were specifically invited, most frequently with friends. And then this sounds like hyperbole or sarcasm, and that may leave folks wondering where this is going, or how to engage with the post.

It does seem like there has been a huge shift in Gamer culture to the Walled, GateKeeper type game. Guess it's part of the whole shift in society of people having few or no friends, people not being even slightly social, and people not having acquaintances at all.

I do run three GateKept games, each with a group of friends that I interact with most days, and we sure do not let any outsiders into the game. These games need no "informal rules" as I know each of these people very well and even trust them.

But then I also run games for other people: acquaintances and strangers. Though it does seem that not a single poster anywhere online does this, it's a normal part of gaming to me. I don't have a harsh gatekeeping requirement that we must be the best of best friends before we can game together. For example, almost a year ago now some gamers came to me and asked me to run a 5E spelljammer game. I only barley knew two of them as acquaintances, the other three were complete strangers.

My Thursday night game started as five strangers to me. I answered an add for a "DM needed", and we started to game together. Though my game style is unlike most others as I have a lot of house rules that the players must agree too. And I'm zero tolerance: for example, you show up late to the game and you don't get to play. Do it twice and your kicked out. After years of gaming, I feel this is the only way to stop the outright abuse done by most players. Without such a rule way too many players would show up three hours late with a "sorry...yuck yuck yuck".

So then to Circle Back,,,,the DM Agency made mention of "informal rules" the DM must follow. Rules set forth by the players and willing player DMs. In order for DM Agency to exist...it must be taken away somehow.....

And, I just wonder what ARE those rules?

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

I only play with friends.

And I expect my friends to stab me in the front.

 

[Reynard]

The DM being forced to act like the adult...or really the only sane person is just too common.

I don't know who you are running games for, but, like, stop, for your own sake. Someone is going to get hurt.

 

[aco175]

So then to Circle Back,,,,the DM Agency made mention of "informal rules" the DM must follow. Rules set forth by the players and willing player DMs. In order for DM Agency to exist...it must be taken away somehow.....

I guess the main thing players can expect from DMs is that they are fair. If a rule is made one time or one night, then it should stand the next. Sometimes a rule is made on the spot and the DM can always come back and say they thought about it or posted to ENWorld and received some feedback and now the rule is X, but generally fair in rulings.

Being open and honest is generally a way to build trust in that the players need to trust the DM to make things fun or entertaining or both. The DM now has the responsibility to not steal things from the house or even punish the PCs unless there is a reason. Same for things such as giving out inspiration and not just to the person you secretly like.

Having this trust also means that you can cheat or not cheat with things like dice rolls or monster HP and powers. There are several other threads on this without taking from this thread.

 

[delericho]

I pretty much only have two:

I expect players to actually want to be there. I've encountered both the reluctant partner dragged along because they wanted to spend time with a significant other who wanted to play, and the kid dragged along by a parent. Neither has ended well.

And I expect players to make the game more enjoyable for everyone else at the table, not less so. One jerk is too many, and I've met more than one.

(I do also want players to actually buy into the premises of the game being played, and to create characters who actually want to get involved in the game in question, but both of those are really corollaries of #2.)

 

[Bill Zebub]

(I do also want players to actually buy into the premises of the game being played, and to create characters who actually want to get involved in the game in question, but both of those are really corollaries of #2.)

IMO it's always nice when somebody really gets into portraying their character, whether in 1st person or 3rd person, but if somebody just wants to play a pawn that's really ok, too.

 

[TwoSix]

But then I also run games for other people: acquaintances and strangers. Though it does seem that not a single poster anywhere online does this, it's a normal part of gaming to me. I don't have a harsh gatekeeping requirement that we must be the best of best friends before we can game together. For example, almost a year ago now some gamers came to me and asked me to run a 5E spelljammer game. I only barley knew two of them as acquaintances, the other three were complete strangers.

I mean, it's been a while since I've had to go into a new group, but I remember than when you go into a new group, you simply be on your best gaming behavior. Be clean, be attentive to the DM, go along with the general vibe of the gaming table, be proactive but not overzealous. Basically just Etiquette 101 stuff. Isn't that what most people do?

 

[Micah Sweet]

I pretty much only have two:

I expect players to actually want to be there. I've encountered both the reluctant partner dragged along because they wanted to spend time with a significant other who wanted to play, and the kid dragged along by a parent. Neither has ended well.

And I expect players to make the game more enjoyable for everyone else at the table, not less so. One jerk is too many, and I've met more than one.

(I do also want players to actually buy into the premises of the game being played, and to create characters who actually want to get involved in the game in question, but both of those are really corollaries of #2.)

Like actively more enjoyable; ie, every player needs to be looking for ways to make the game more fun for others? Or just "don't be a jerk"?

 

[Umbran]

It does seem like there has been a huge shift in Gamer culture to the Walled, GateKeeper type game.

Somewhat loaded language there. And I think you are making some big assumptions about how folks have been gaming, historically. I don't know that there's been any "huge shift".

 

[Tony Vargas]

Like actively more enjoyable; ie, every player needs to be looking for ways to make the game more fun for others?

That'd be a nice thing to strive for. Also, maybe deriving enjoyment from the successes/triumphs of other players, could be a good attitude to cultivate - or at least, not completely zoning out when it's not your turn?

It's easy to approach a game like D&D as a cooperative in a sense, but still competitive in others. Like, rivals, each trying to get the most treasure/exp/best items/etc, but cooperating to beat the monsters and generally survive. Heck, that may even be how it was originally "meant" to be played.