[Spaceship Zero] Q-Ship (actually updated 19 May 2007)

[Capellan]

"The Targ Totality" - Part 5

Gustav and Fury struggle to clip on the last few parts of the Targ encounter suits,

"It vos fascinating to see ze creatures inside ze equipment, ja?" the Doctor observes, as he fastens the clip on his collar and picks up one the Targ helmets.

"Oh, absolutely." Fury responds on auto-pilot, frowning thoughtfully as he considers how to don the head gear without getting helmet hair.

"Ze physiological ramifications are astonishing." Gustav is oblivious to Fury's obliviousness as he gingerly tries walking in the suit. It gives him a splay-gaited waddle, reminiscent of a penguin.

"Uh huh." Fury gingerly dons the helmet, and does his best Targ impersonation, "I am a Targ! You will be exterminated!"

"It is a pity ze insignia and labels on zese suits are in ze Targ's own language." Gustav continues, peering down at the writing on his chest, "Evidently zey were taught to speak English in case zere were any survivors on zis planet, but zey do not to use it amongst zemselves."

"Uh huh." Fury's waddle is less pronounced than Gustav's, but more comical because his stiff-backed posture suggests that the costume is pinching in all the wrong places. "Wait ... what?"

"I said it is a pity -"

"I got that bit. What came after it?"

"Zey were taught to speak English, but zey do not to use it amongst zemselves ... " Gustav trails into silence. "Oh."

"Oh, indeed." Fury says grimly.

"Archie!" Gustav shouts, his voice echoing slightly from inside the encounter suit, "Come here, please!"

The robot calls back from off-screen,

"Princess S'Ondra wishes to know if it is safe for her to uncover her eyes, yet."

"Ja!" Gustav shouts.

"Is it safe to uncover mine?"

"Archie!" Fury's patience wears thin, "Get your shiny metal carcass over here!"

The robot trundles into shot, giving Fury a reproachful look as he does so.

"What can I do for you, Doctor?" he asks, primly ignoring the Captain.

"Do you still have ze Venusian translator I designed, Archie?"

"Indeed, Doctor." A panel opens on the robot's chest, and he pulls out the small, wire-wrapped contraption Gustav built during the crew's mould-interrupted visit to Venus.

"Excellent." Gustav takes the device and - producing a screwdriver out of one of the pockets in his encounter suit - probes inside, muttering to himself. After a few moments, he unwraps one of the wires and jams it into a socket inside the robot's chest cavity.

Archie beeps, then shudders for a moment.

"Program loaded." He announces in an uncommonly mechanical voice. Then he continues, in his more normal tone, "I wish you would warn me before doing that, Doctor. The wire plugs could have been dirty."

Gustav ignores the complaint,

"Can you detect any Targ radio communications, Archie?"

"Communications detected." The robot confirms, "They are speaking in Targ." His voice changes to the echo-y, mechanical intonation it had before, "Translation algorithms running. Estimated time to decipher Targ speech: thirty-seven minutes."

"Zere." Gustav tosses the translator back inside Archie's chest, closes the hatch, and claps his hands in satisfaction, "By ze time we reach ze Targ encampment, Archie will be able to understand ze speech of ze aliens and transmit ze translations to us." He taps the radio receptor on his helmet, "Zen we will speak, he will translate to Targ, and beam ze communication to the receivers of ze aliens. It vill seem as if it is we who are speaking ze words."

"What about reading their writing?"

"Estimated time to decipher Targ alphabet: four hours, eight minutes."

"Zank you, Archie."

"S'Ondra!" Fury waddles out from behind the bushes where the two men have been changing. The Princess is facing away from him. She turns, watches Fury walk toward her for a few moments, and struggles - not very hard - to keep from smirking.

"Yes, Captain?" her attempt at a nonchalant tone is spoiled by barely smothered laughter.

"What?" Fury peers down at himself, "Does this make me look fat?"

"No more than usual." S'Ondra manages to school her expression into something resembling seriousness, "Are we ready to go?"

"Almost." Fury nods, "Are the prisoners secure?"

"Tied up with steel cord and hidden out of sight." The Venusian confirms. She hefts her heat lance. "When do we set out?"

"As soon ..." Fury pauses, "... as soon as you hand over your weapon."

S'Ondra's eyes narrow, her lips curling back in an unconscious snarl,

"A warrior does not simply give up her weapon!" she exclaims, her body tensing as if for battle, "No man has ever taken this lance from me! And none will, while I still breathe!"

"What about -" Fury belatedly considers whether mentioning Xinthon would be a good idea, and decides not. He soothes his tone, "I understand how you feel, Princess, but if we're to pretend that you and Archie are our prisoners, you can't be carrying weapons. I assure you that I will guard your weapon as if it were my own."

The Princess stares at him for a long moment, her face still hard. Then, slowly, she relaxes her posture. With obvious reluctance, she nods, and proffers the weapon to Fury,

"Make sure that you do."

The Captain takes the heat lance carefully, and gives her a nod of gratitude. His reply lacks the tone of cheerful lechery he usually employs when speaking with the Princess. Instead, it holds only respect,

"You have my word."

 

[Capellan]

"The Targ Totality" - Part 6

Fury and Gustav - both still waddling slightly in their unfamiliar suits - enter the Targ camp with the 'captive' S'Ondra and Archie before them. Fury pretends to keep the two 'prisoners' covered with his disruptor rifle, while Gustav looks in all directions at once, craning his neck to see every last scrap of alien technology.

"There's twelve of them now." Fury mutters. As he speaks, there is a roar of engines and a shuttle glides down out of the sky, settling on the far side of the camp, "And probably more, in there."

Seeing the strange-looking foursome, one of the Targ strides towards them. He has red insignia on the shoulders of his suit. As he moves forward, he holds up a hand for the group to stop.

"Sub-Commander Kilshar, report."

Fury begins to give their prepared response,

"We found -"

The Targ interrupts,

"I was talking to the Sub-Commander, Private." He turns his head to regard Gustav, who gives a bird-like start of surprise as he realises he is being spoken to, "What do you have to report, Kilshar?"

"Ve ... uh ... ve found zese primitives -" Gustav stammers a bit as he tries to remember Fury's detailed lectures on their cover story, "- and took zem prisoner. Zey surrendered immediately to our Targ might, and did not ambush us at all."

"One of the 'primitives' is a robot." The Targ observes.

"Ja ... uh, yes. But he's not a very good one."

Moving almost imperceptibly, Fury adjusts his disruptor so that it is centred on the inquisitive Targ. He senses S'Ondra tense for action, and takes a half-step closer to her, so that she will have the heat lance he carries within arm's reach.

"The Earthlings had no such technology when we deployed the mould." The Targ's doubt is clear.

"Zey made significant technological developments vhile attempting to stop our great weapon." Gustav ad libs, "As zey would haf to do to survive zis long."

The Targ nods,

"A valid point, Sub-Commander. Very well, take these two to the command ship for brain probes and evisceration. I will detail additional patrols to sweep the area, as it appears these Earthlings were more resourceful than expected."

"You are certainly correct about zat, Sir." Gustav agrees. S'Ondra chokes a laugh with a faked cough. "But zese prisoners tell us zat zey haf seen no ozzer humans for several years."

"A brain probe will learn if that is the truth, soon enough." The Targ points toward the shuttle, "Take them up to the command ship, Kilshar."

Prodding S'Ondra and Archie forward, Fury and Gustav make their way to the shuttle. A gleaming silver ramp provides entrance into the stark grey interior. The bulk of the shuttle is given over to an cabin area with about twenty black seats set into it. There are also doors leading forward - probably onto the flight deck - and to the rear.

Speakers in the shuttle walls blare into life,

"This is the pilot. Secure the prisoners in the storage compartments, then strap yourself in. We're scheduled to lift off in eight <I>nintrons</I>."

Gustav glances at Archie, seeking a translation for 'nintrons'. The robot shrugs.

"This way, alien scum." Fury gestures with his disruptor at the rearward doors, desperately hoping that the Targ structure their vehicles in the same way as Space Force. It would be difficult to explain how they didn't know the layout of their own shuttle.

The Captain's guess proves correct, however, and he and Gustav soon locate a featureless metal room, into which they heard S'Ondra and Archie.

"Stay here until we come to fetch you." Fury whispers urgently to the two 'prisoners'. "And try to look scared, in case they're watching you."

"I do not have expressions." Archie reminds him.

"Look, just stand there and don't clean anything."

"The Targ are my enemies. I see no reason to protect them from the ravages of insidious germs."

With a despairing shake of his head, Fury herds Gustav out of the room and hurries to get belted into his seat before take-off.

As the door closes, Archie turns to S'Ondra,

"Would you care for some travelling music?" he enquires, "I find the soothing tones of Cliff Richard to be most suitable for times of incarceration."

 

[robberbaron]

I didn't realise Archie was programmed for cruelty.

 

[arwink]

I don't remember offering to play Cliff Richard.

Everyone knows that the Girl from Impemina is the only song to play when boarding an enemy spacecraft in disguise.

 

[Plane Sailing]

I don't remember offering to play Cliff Richard.

Memory failure? Maybe your contacts got dirty

 

[Capellan]

"The Targ Totality" - Part 7

"Are we zere yet?"

"Not to my knowledge." Fury answers in the tone of the long-suffering, "The Targ seem to have left that out of our in-flight programming."

"Zey seem to have left ze in-flight programming out of our in-flight programming!"

"Exactly -" the Captain is interrupted by a loud CLUNK. The ship shudders, and then the whine of the engines dies out.

"Haf we arrived?"

"Either that, or the whole ship is dead in space."

The shuttle's speaker system crackles, and a stream of Targ speech bursts out of it.

"Got any ideas what that was about, Doc?"

"Nein."

"That many?" Fury unclips his seatbelt and stands slowly. Picking up the disruptor from where it was clipped to his seat, he turns to the Doctor, "Act casual. I'm going to go get Archie and S'Ondra."

Leaving Gustav, the Captain retrieves the others from confinement.

"Did you hear that announcement a couple of minutes ago?" he asks Archie, under a show of prodding the robot ahead with his disruptor.

"Indeed. You were instructed to escort us to examination room M-63K, for interrogation and vivisection."

"Any idea how to get there?"

"None."

Fury shrugs,

"Probably best not to do it, anyway."

"You think?" S'Ondra rolls her eyes.

Returning to the main bay, the trio find that the doors have opened, revealing an immense hangar. Dozens of shuttles can be seen, stretching off into the distance. One wall of the hangar appears open to space, and the Pathfinder's crew find themselves looking out onto the blue-and-brown globe of the Earth.

"Shouldn't we all be screaming and asphyxiating, right now?" S'Ondra asks.

"I don't breather, Princess." Archie reminds her, "Though I can scream if you wish."

"A disruptor-based force field. Fascinating!" Gustav claps his hands together, "Old Einkleiven at the university insisted it was impossible, but theoretically -"

"Theoretically we're going to get found out and shot if we hang around here gawking at things." Fury gets everyone's minds back on track. Or at least near the track. Snatching up a clipboard from where it rests on a nearby oil-drum, he points at a distant door on the hangar's far wall. "This way."

The foursome march across the hangar, Fury at the front with clipboard held before him, randomly making notations on the paper as he goes.

"What are you doing?" S'Ondra hisses, perplexed by this strange behaviour.

"No-one ever stops a man with a clipboard: they just assume he has a right to be there." Fury makes several especially vigorous notations as he replies, "It's an old trick I learned at Space Force Academy."

"Why would they teach zat at ze Academy?" Gustav is perplexed.

"They didn't." S'Ondra glowers, "Let me guess - segregated bedrooms, Commander?"

Fury appears entirely engrossed in his notations.

Emerging through the hangar door, the group finds themselves in a long, white-washed corridor, with dozens of doors leading of it.

"So, if I vere an eight mile spaceship, vere would I keep my scientific laboratory?" Gustav muses.

"Perhaps, Doctor, I could patch into the ship's systems and acquire a schematic?" Archie suggests.

"Where can we go to get you access?" Fury asks, taking furtive glances around over the top of his clipboard.

"The third room ahead on the left has several electrical conduits leading into it, and appears to be uninhabited." Archie trundles forward and opens the door. "Yes, there is a panel here: I can use it to access the ship's systems."

Quickly, all four intruders scurry into the room. Fury keeps the door fractionally open, peering down the corridor through the narrow crack. Gustav opens Archie's chest and begins attaching wires and leads to a computer console in the wall. S'Ondra stands in the corner, clutching her heat lance like it was a long lost child.

"Accessing systems." Archie announces, "Targ translation algorithms complete. Systems accessed. State your request."

"How do we blow it up?" Fury has a big bang fetish, "Is there a self-destruct?"

"No self-destruct mechanism on file."

"What about escape pods?" S'Ondra wants to know, "We'll need to get off this thing, at some point."

"No escape mechanisms on file." Archie pauses, and there is a sound like a whirring of tape, "Review of Targ regulations indicate that loss of the ship will be punished by the deaths of all crew."

"Nice." Fury makes a sour face, "We can use one of the shuttles when we leave. Can you access the ship's logs? If anything important comes up, the Captain will put it in there."

"Logs accessed." Archie whirrs again, "Last entry is a notation of the annexation of this solar system into the Targ Totality."

"We’ll see about that." Fury promises.

"Can you find us ze way to ze scientific laboratories?" Gustav asks Archie, "Zis is where we will be finding the means to neutralise ze space mould, and protect our own Earth from ze Targ."

"Route computed." Archie speeds off, pulling his various leads and wires out of the console. They trail on the floor behind him like tin cans behind the wedding couple's car.

"Follow zat robot!"

 

[Fade]

"Accessing systems." Archie announces, "Targ translation algorithms complete. Systems accessed. State your request."

"How do we blow it up?" Fury has a big bang fetish, "Is there a self-destruct?"

That's our captain. Straight to the point.

It occurs to me that if all the disruptor cannon fired at once it would do that 'rip open space-time' thing and destroy the ship.

 

[Plane Sailing]

Hey, Cap - don't forget to update the date in the thread title - I nearly missed this episode!

 

[Capellan]

Hey, Cap - don't forget to update the date in the thread title - I nearly missed this episode!

Oops.

I blame the 27 hour plane flight. Even though it didn't happen until 2 days after I posted.

 

[Hatchling Dragon]

So, is the next installment being held back purposfully so that you can gift wrap it and deliver it in a large red sleigh or something?

I come back after a very long absense and find so much updatee goodness. This, of course, followed quickly by withdrawl as I was all too soon caught up once again.

Hatchling Dragon