This one turned out longer than I thought.
Episode 2---- Well been hanging out with the Jedi for about 10 years now. I don't know whats up with Anakin. I mean he was a slave and now he is free. His mentor is a freakin Jedi Knight. They fly around the galaxy getting in everyone elses business but they can't find the time to go get his mom. I mean all the Jedi is meddle in other peoples affairs except there own because of feeling and blah blah, I tune out Obi Wan when he starts talking about that. Glad I have no emotions.
Well now we are flying to back to Coruscant, somebody is trying to kill Padme. I hope Anikin doesn't run to the head when he sees her like he does everytime he thinks about her.
Well met Padme and stuff, she hasn't aged a day. What is she taking, Ani looks completely different than when I first met him but Padme, those Naboo women age fine. I mean her former handmadien was fine also, she is on some ship called the Black Pearl in the Caribean sector or something like that.
Now I get to guard from assassins. What are those Jedi losers thinking. I am an ASTROMECH droid. Does it say security droid anywhere there. I turned on a few lights and turn around everynow and then to make it look like I am doing something. At least I got to watch her change, got that recorded. Later that night she get attacked by some snakes, I bet I get blamed for that.
Now Anakin decides to fly home and get his mom. About damn time. Watto sold her to some Mostiure Farmer. I guess "farming" water is a lucrative job here. I will make a fortune shipping in tanks of the stuff. I don't see anybody else doing it.
We found her home, she was kidnapped by sand people a month ago. Anakin had like 10 years to save her and the one day he makes the time to coem here, she is gone. I laughed. He is going to find her. Now the phone is ringing in Padme's ship, its Obi Wan he is in trouble, I'll wait till Ani gets back to tell somebody if I don't forget.
He came back with his moms corpse, thats sad. He looks all pissed off and sad, glad Obi Wan isn't here or we would have to listen to another speech. Wait till morning to tell him Obi Wan is in trouble.
Now we are off to Genosis, we stole C-3P0 from these water farmers. He was useless to them, he ain't much use here. He keeps following me around and its kinda creepy. Padme and Anakin run off and tell me to gaurd the ship, again not a security droid. I say screw that, this were the droid army is made, going to make me a security droid to do all this grunt work. C-3P0 doesn't want to go, I call him a wuss and he follows, what a loser.
We find a door, it opens into nothing. Nice place build a retracting bridge, no warning signs or nothing. 3P0 won't go any further, I sweat at him some more not budging. Well have a nice fall. Haha, he landed on the convoyer belt, I hope he gets crushed. Well off to build my security droid.
"Yeah I have jets in my legs, you got a problem with that. I got a bunch of other stuff to. So you all just shut up."
I hear Padme's screaming, there she is stuck in a big bucket about to get drowned by molten metal, I better go save her. Anakin ain't around here. Niether is 3P0 so I guess we are even. Well I stopped the molten metal and drop the bucket to the ground. That was a 60 foot fall and there is Padme, dusting herself off crawling out of it. They make them nice on Naboo indeed. And....now she gets captured, I better hide. I should also find 3P0, don't need to have Anakin whining the whole trip home.
Now all these jedi and these strange dudes in white armor are all over the place killing the Sepratists. Its going to be hard to find 3P0. I can see his body but not his head so I better strole around the battle field to find it. Found it. Two quick spot welds and bam I fixed him. I am a God among droids. Going to get out of here. This place is going to blow up, I just know it.
So the battles over, Anakin lost his arm. And he is marring Padme in a super secret ceramony. Shoudn't be to hard to keep it a secret, I mean the one of the largest armies ever created along with all its gear, ships and bases was kept secret for 20 years how hard will this be. And no memory wipe for me, I consider that a good day.
You might want to add the spoiler tag when you hit espode 3 though. 
