Stuff D&D players never say (except when they do)

[blargney the second]

This thread is to collect the lines of in-character dialog that thoroughly poke fun at the D&D genre.

1) We captured an assassin in Monday's game. Recognizing him by reputation, I warned my companions, "Careful guys! He's very dangerous. He's a bard."

 

[Umbran]

2. They couldn't *all* be trapped!

 

[fba827]

3. Clearly this shouldn't be our problem.

 

[BriarMonkey]

4) I don't want to do this job. Can't we go to the tavern instead?

 

[Jacob Marley]

5) While talking to someone trying to hire them for a quest. "Our last patron turned out to be the evil mastermind of the quest he sent us on. Can we all just save ourselves a lot of time and trouble and just kill you now?"

 

[Mishihari Lord]

This is the best plan ever!

 

[Croesus]

7) "This will hurt them more than it hurts us." A favorite saying of a 1E wizard with a fondness for dropping fireballs in the middle of melee.

 

[fba827]

8) What could go wrong?

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

It's a dead end -- there must be a secret door here somewhere!

 

[blargney the second]

10) "It's okay! We're a party of elves - those landsharks won't attack us."