Stuff D&D players never say (except when they do)

blargney the second

blargney the minute's son
This thread is to collect the lines of in-character dialog that thoroughly poke fun at the D&D genre.

1) We captured an assassin in Monday's game. Recognizing him by reputation, I warned my companions, "Careful guys! He's very dangerous. He's a bard."
 

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Jacob Marley

Adventurer
5) While talking to someone trying to hire them for a quest. "Our last patron turned out to be the evil mastermind of the quest he sent us on. Can we all just save ourselves a lot of time and trouble and just kill you now?"
 


Croesus

Adventurer
7) "This will hurt them more than it hurts us." A favorite saying of a 1E wizard with a fondness for dropping fireballs in the middle of melee.
 




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