Stupidest Things DMs Have Done
- Thread starter shilsen
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Bardsandsages
First Post
rose4100 said:
Don't worry. Some of us assumed that's what you meant!
My boyfriend learned very quickly not to expect special treatment during the game. Doing your share of the chores may keep you from sleeping on the couch, but it will not help you against a red dragon!
Now I have a friend who has been known to twink out his girlfriend's gear, to the point that the stuff defies the laws of the game mechanics. The saving grace, however, is that because she isn't a very good gamer, it never really comes into play because half the time she forgets what she has!
Drawmack
First Post
Okay, I was playing a character - whom I love, actually the character I took my screen name from. The character was a rogue. In a 12 person party we get to the BBEG and both tanks fall in the first three rounds. I start pulling random scrolls from my bag and reading them (this was 2e and my thief had no idea what the scrolls did). All the scrolls had colors so the DM could tell them apart. I made up a quick roll chart of all my scrolls (about 50 of them). Then I start rolling.
Well by the 7th round all the bad guys were dead and we thought it was a TPK except for the thief.
Until the DM declared that the Cleric had run from the magic and mysteriously prepared enough res spells to bring the entire party back.
Well by the 7th round all the bad guys were dead and we thought it was a TPK except for the thief.
Until the DM declared that the Cleric had run from the magic and mysteriously prepared enough res spells to bring the entire party back.
Kristivas
First Post
This guy I played with was a great player, but not a very good DM. He would have great story ideas, but there were a few problems..
He LOVED Dwarves. He thought Dwarves were the "master race" of DnD.
He had an NPC join the party. Oh, what race? hahaha...
The Dwarven Fighter that joined us was named... Gilmi. Yes, Gilmi.
So, we're in a well-thought out dungeon, involved in a well-thought out story. Sure, Gilmi was annoying as hell, but the adventure was actually pretty fun. And we're kickin' ass and we know we're nearing the end, when we come to a "Y" intersection, forced to choose between left and right.
Player 1: OK, guys. We usually rock-paper-scissors on these left or right scenarios, but I'm really feelin' the left this time.
Me: Yeah, let's just go left. R-P-S has kinda screwed us. Think we've went to the well one too many times.
Player 3: I adjust my armor a bit after the last fight, nod firmly, and begin leading down the left corridor.. sword held ready.
DM: Gilmi heads down the right corridor.
Player 1: What the...? Fine, that #*^&ing Dwarf is annoying anyway.
Player 3: Since I'm in the lead, I assume the rest are following. I don't bother to notice Gilmi heading off.
Me: Ha, going off alone.. there's gonna be some Dwarf-kabobs at the end of a goblin torture-staff!
Player 4: Short little piece of....
So, we get to the chamber with the BBEG. Standing there in all of his glory. His 5 minions stand on the points of a pentagram etched on the floor, with him in the middle. An epic battle ensues, with one of the group falling unconsious and another getting dangerously low. Thoughtful tactics, lucky rolls, and plain old balls-deep attitude wins the day! We go through their belongings, and head back. We reach the "Y" intersection...
DM: Gilmi comes heading down the hallway, carrying an armload of treasure....
Gilmi knew right where the treasure was. He was at full hp and we were wounded. He decided that since he got all of that treasure by himself, he would keep it. We could keep what we took off the guys.
Player 1: *nods to me* OK, Gilmi. That seems fair. Afterall, you did pick the right hall. (I pat Gilmi on the shoulder, nodding to him *moves character over beside Gilmi on the mat*)
Me: Yeah, I guess we should have listened. Maybe we can work out a trade with some stuff you got there? (I go over to see what all Gilmi has *moves character*)
Player 3: WHAT THE HELL?! THAT LITTLE DWARF LEAVES AND MAKES US FIGHT AND NOW HE GETS TO KEEP THE BEST LOOT. THIS IS BULL! *moves character down the hall a bit, away* (winks at me)
Player 4: *Shrugs*
DM: I'm glad we understand each other. Gilmi shows you some of the things he found, including a bastard sword and a suit of chain mail. He takes his pack off and opens it, showing you the fine items.
Player 1: This round, I stab the hell out of the now-unarmed Gilmi.
Me: Since it seems I'm on the opposite side of Gilmi, it appears we have him flanked...
Player 3: I'm going to be casting Magic Missle....
Player 4: Holy hell, you guys are pullin' some gangsta $#*^! Mandon laughs and draws his bow this round.
DM: ....no!
In the end, Gilmi ended up dead without putting up much of a fight under our assault. The DM looked... disturbed. I actually thought he was going to yell. Gilmi finally got his axe out, but both of his attack rolls were horrible flops, while the dice-gods seemed to be on our side. I guess it was fate.
Anyway, we make it back to town without any bandit attacks or roaming goblins or such. We thought things had calmed down, when we were apprehended at the gate for Gilmi's murder. That's right, arrested and hanged for murder.
.....Later that night, after the DM had went to sleep... Players 1, 3, and myself filled his shoes with ketchup and mayo, his hands with shaving cream, a little mustard in each ear, and some hot sauce in one nostril before he woke up yelling... rubbing at his face and nose with shaving-creamed hands.
He went to put on his shoes, talking about how he was "outta here"....
Eventually, he calmed down.. laughed about the whole thing.. and agreed to never DM again.
He LOVED Dwarves. He thought Dwarves were the "master race" of DnD.
He had an NPC join the party. Oh, what race? hahaha...
The Dwarven Fighter that joined us was named... Gilmi. Yes, Gilmi.
So, we're in a well-thought out dungeon, involved in a well-thought out story. Sure, Gilmi was annoying as hell, but the adventure was actually pretty fun. And we're kickin' ass and we know we're nearing the end, when we come to a "Y" intersection, forced to choose between left and right.
Player 1: OK, guys. We usually rock-paper-scissors on these left or right scenarios, but I'm really feelin' the left this time.
Me: Yeah, let's just go left. R-P-S has kinda screwed us. Think we've went to the well one too many times.
Player 3: I adjust my armor a bit after the last fight, nod firmly, and begin leading down the left corridor.. sword held ready.
DM: Gilmi heads down the right corridor.
Player 1: What the...? Fine, that #*^&ing Dwarf is annoying anyway.
Player 3: Since I'm in the lead, I assume the rest are following. I don't bother to notice Gilmi heading off.
Me: Ha, going off alone.. there's gonna be some Dwarf-kabobs at the end of a goblin torture-staff!
Player 4: Short little piece of....
So, we get to the chamber with the BBEG. Standing there in all of his glory. His 5 minions stand on the points of a pentagram etched on the floor, with him in the middle. An epic battle ensues, with one of the group falling unconsious and another getting dangerously low. Thoughtful tactics, lucky rolls, and plain old balls-deep attitude wins the day! We go through their belongings, and head back. We reach the "Y" intersection...
DM: Gilmi comes heading down the hallway, carrying an armload of treasure....
Gilmi knew right where the treasure was. He was at full hp and we were wounded. He decided that since he got all of that treasure by himself, he would keep it. We could keep what we took off the guys.
Player 1: *nods to me* OK, Gilmi. That seems fair. Afterall, you did pick the right hall. (I pat Gilmi on the shoulder, nodding to him *moves character over beside Gilmi on the mat*)
Me: Yeah, I guess we should have listened. Maybe we can work out a trade with some stuff you got there? (I go over to see what all Gilmi has *moves character*)
Player 3: WHAT THE HELL?! THAT LITTLE DWARF LEAVES AND MAKES US FIGHT AND NOW HE GETS TO KEEP THE BEST LOOT. THIS IS BULL! *moves character down the hall a bit, away* (winks at me)
Player 4: *Shrugs*
DM: I'm glad we understand each other. Gilmi shows you some of the things he found, including a bastard sword and a suit of chain mail. He takes his pack off and opens it, showing you the fine items.
Player 1: This round, I stab the hell out of the now-unarmed Gilmi.
Me: Since it seems I'm on the opposite side of Gilmi, it appears we have him flanked...
Player 3: I'm going to be casting Magic Missle....
Player 4: Holy hell, you guys are pullin' some gangsta $#*^! Mandon laughs and draws his bow this round.
DM: ....no!
In the end, Gilmi ended up dead without putting up much of a fight under our assault. The DM looked... disturbed. I actually thought he was going to yell. Gilmi finally got his axe out, but both of his attack rolls were horrible flops, while the dice-gods seemed to be on our side. I guess it was fate.
Anyway, we make it back to town without any bandit attacks or roaming goblins or such. We thought things had calmed down, when we were apprehended at the gate for Gilmi's murder. That's right, arrested and hanged for murder.
.....Later that night, after the DM had went to sleep... Players 1, 3, and myself filled his shoes with ketchup and mayo, his hands with shaving cream, a little mustard in each ear, and some hot sauce in one nostril before he woke up yelling... rubbing at his face and nose with shaving-creamed hands.
He went to put on his shoes, talking about how he was "outta here"....
Eventually, he calmed down.. laughed about the whole thing.. and agreed to never DM again.
rose4100 said:
Needless to say I don't think my girl will ever play DnD again, I tend to be a bit of a ______ and I didn't want to ruin the game for my other players who just sat back and didn't really care. But in the end it was the longest game in my history as an RPG'r. I had sit back and watch as she would just go nuts with random ideas (but very creative at the same time) and sadly the NPC (which by the way was one of my main characters for the group to interact with) who she was playing died by charging (weapon drawn) at an angry mob that threw rotted fruit and veggies at her and the others. yeah, that didn't go well but at least when she went crying upstair to my wife saying "daddy killed me, he did it on purpose". My wife new better and just told her to go to bed.
sniffles
First Post
A few years ago my fiancee and I wangled our way into a Fantasy Hero campaign that had been running for a while. The other players were all friends of ours and we were tired of hearing them tell about what a great game it was. 
The DM was using a setting of his own, based partly on several books. His world was a flat disc, like Discworld but without the supporting pillars, and the existing characters had gone on an adventure that involved going to the opposite side of the world. They were trying to save a dragon from an evil artifact. One of the PCs was herself a dragon and was the daughter of the dragon they were trying to save.
My fiancee and I worked up our characters and were introduced to the party just after that story arc completed. We went off with them and had a few adventures. Things seemed to be going fine.
Then abruptly the DM announced that there had been a sort of 'reset' of the game. The dragon had cast some sort of massive spell that modified all our memories so none of the PCs recalled going to the other side of the world or any of the things they did there. This meant that they'd also never met the new characters my fiancee and I had introduced.
The DM even told us up front that he wasn't happy with the way the adventure had gone and was rebooting it so we could do it over again. He did allow that one of the PCs from the original group had a vague memory of things being different, so he could use that PC as a hook to get the party back to the plotline. But my fiancee and I felt pretty ripped-off that everything we'd done up to that point had been ruled non-existant.
Then that DM simply dropped out of sight and was never heard from again.
The DM was using a setting of his own, based partly on several books. His world was a flat disc, like Discworld but without the supporting pillars, and the existing characters had gone on an adventure that involved going to the opposite side of the world. They were trying to save a dragon from an evil artifact. One of the PCs was herself a dragon and was the daughter of the dragon they were trying to save.
My fiancee and I worked up our characters and were introduced to the party just after that story arc completed. We went off with them and had a few adventures. Things seemed to be going fine.
Then abruptly the DM announced that there had been a sort of 'reset' of the game. The dragon had cast some sort of massive spell that modified all our memories so none of the PCs recalled going to the other side of the world or any of the things they did there. This meant that they'd also never met the new characters my fiancee and I had introduced.
The DM even told us up front that he wasn't happy with the way the adventure had gone and was rebooting it so we could do it over again. He did allow that one of the PCs from the original group had a vague memory of things being different, so he could use that PC as a hook to get the party back to the plotline. But my fiancee and I felt pretty ripped-off that everything we'd done up to that point had been ruled non-existant.
Then that DM simply dropped out of sight and was never heard from again.
Inconsequenti-AL
Breaks Games
First D20 game I played in. First encounter. The GM starts with an atmospheric dungeon description, webs everywhere, and so on... suddenly tells us we're attacked by a 'Small Monsterous Spider'... Not being familiar with DnD naming conventions, it took about 30 minutes for the laughing and silliness to stop. 
werk
First Post
I don't know if it was stupid, but it was pretty entertaining...
A little set-up:
This was my first session playing vampire, and I was playing a gangster (think crips/bloods) that had just been embraced so that I wouldn't die from a gunshot wound that I had gotten last session as an important NPC. There were two other vampires, the oldest, that had embraced me, had a back story that he was a fur trapper that had been embraced early in the 'new world' by a catiff that didn't really like the camarilla and had soon after fallen and become trapped in an ice cave only to wake up hundreds of years later. The other vampire was also embraced by our ice man, fairly recently, and was travelling with him.
I woke up, undead, and hungry. They hurriedly explained that I was a vampire, etc, etc, and that I'd need to get someone to drink then I could heal myself. Sounds good to me! So we basically jumped in my car, drove to the burbs, knocked on a door (covered in blood and whatnot), asked to use the phone as there had been an accident. They didn't want to let us in, so we smashed in the door and set to eating the family...off-handedly named 'The Simpsons'. Husband, wife, son, daughter, dog, cat.
So I'm sucking on the wife, and the GM says, do you stop drinking or do you kill her. I figured I'm low on blood, so I suck her dry. So he asks again, am I sure that I kill her. I said sure, and spouted something I thought a gangster would say about killing marge simpson. Flip ahead a bit and the whole family is dead and we are eyeing the next house over.
The GM asks, why are you guys killing everyone, what about the beast, what about the masquerade? I explained that I was was recently embraced and knew nothing about those things (I, as a player, did, but not as a character). So he looked at the middle vamp, who shrugged and said ditto. So he looked at the last, oldest, sire vampire, and he shrugged and said, My sire hated that stuff.
That's pretty much where the campaign took a nose dive.
A little set-up:
This was my first session playing vampire, and I was playing a gangster (think crips/bloods) that had just been embraced so that I wouldn't die from a gunshot wound that I had gotten last session as an important NPC. There were two other vampires, the oldest, that had embraced me, had a back story that he was a fur trapper that had been embraced early in the 'new world' by a catiff that didn't really like the camarilla and had soon after fallen and become trapped in an ice cave only to wake up hundreds of years later. The other vampire was also embraced by our ice man, fairly recently, and was travelling with him.
I woke up, undead, and hungry. They hurriedly explained that I was a vampire, etc, etc, and that I'd need to get someone to drink then I could heal myself. Sounds good to me! So we basically jumped in my car, drove to the burbs, knocked on a door (covered in blood and whatnot), asked to use the phone as there had been an accident. They didn't want to let us in, so we smashed in the door and set to eating the family...off-handedly named 'The Simpsons'. Husband, wife, son, daughter, dog, cat.
So I'm sucking on the wife, and the GM says, do you stop drinking or do you kill her. I figured I'm low on blood, so I suck her dry. So he asks again, am I sure that I kill her. I said sure, and spouted something I thought a gangster would say about killing marge simpson. Flip ahead a bit and the whole family is dead and we are eyeing the next house over.
The GM asks, why are you guys killing everyone, what about the beast, what about the masquerade? I explained that I was was recently embraced and knew nothing about those things (I, as a player, did, but not as a character). So he looked at the middle vamp, who shrugged and said ditto. So he looked at the last, oldest, sire vampire, and he shrugged and said, My sire hated that stuff.
That's pretty much where the campaign took a nose dive.
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