Stupidest Things DMs Have Done

[Chimera]

As per kigmatzomat's tale, I think that any good set of GM's rulebooks should contain a warning that; If you have a plot that absolutely has to go X, Y, Z in order for the adventure to happen, and you want it to happen that way.... Bag it, Tag it, Throw it away. Because it won't work that way unless you force it to, and your players won't be happy when you do.

That really needs to be a staple of basic GM training and instruction.

 

[kigmatzomat]

In all fairness, I have to point out that our GM had NPCs, like the kidnap victim, act in character rather than just flake out to make events unfold as planned. He was a good GM on his own but was easily led down a primrose path by pre-gen modules.

We also used social camoflage to hide illicit gear out in the open, like the hockey outfit walk around in security armor, or the time we were posing as plumbers (after plugging a sewer line with a drone) and carried pistols "to protect ourselves from the devil rats." If he wasn't a decent GM, we wouldn't have been able to get away with those kinds of psych-outs.

Of course, he kind of learned the wrong lesson from the SR game. Rather than recognizing that players can, do and should twist plots like taffy, he came out with the notion that players are always hyper-prepared and he should go loaded for bear. Or rather, loaded for Edge, since that was my character's name and I was the one who tended to have prepped for plan b, c and d.

Sigh. I miss his "not explicitly trying to kill you all as fast as possible" halcyon days.

 

[The Grackle]

I asked how that was communicated between two people 200 yards apart in the middle of a battle, got no answer.

I think I did this on one of my earliest DMing attempts. I had a bunch of spread-out orc archers concentrating all their fire on a different PC every round.

One of my players asked, "What? is there some guy in the back with a laser pointer going, 'now the elf,' 'now the dwarf,' 'now the elf again'?"

I had to admit that they probably weren't that coordinated, and from then on I distributed the attacks more evenly. For years afterwards, whenever one PC got especially beaten on by lots of opponents in one round, someone wold point at him and say, "now him," in an exagerated voice.

***

Another time a group of PCs were fighting in an upside down church with a Reverse-Gravity-like effect that only affected certain people depending on what they were doing. I asked one of my players, "Are you under the influence of Gravity or A or Gravity B this round?" and everyone burst out laughing.

I dont know why that was so freakin' funny, but for months they'd ask, "But am I in Gravity A or Gravity B?"

***

Players will never let you forget your mistakes.

 

[Darklone]

Yeah, I did that "All hobgoblins shoot at one player" too. Granted, they were standing in a line with a seargant next to them giving orders... yet, it was a bit too much.

Geesh, I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't read a story about myself here yet.

1. Story:
I told this one here more than once. One of my favorite examples for railroading and why I don't like it. That was a convention game where you had to sign up in a list and the DM had a page of houserules and his own feats attached. Plus a page about the adventure beginnging... something like: We carry a message of uttermost importance to the king. We are in the wilderness and there are riders looking for us nearly all around us. Yes, they see us.
Level 4 char creation. One of the houserules was Limp (more a trait): Movement 5ft as full round action, one mental attribute +2. Another one gave +10 ft movement (Fleet of Foot).
Well. We gathered some players, one limp gnome illusionist, one limp kobold sorcerer, both sitting in the backpack of a halforc barbarian with Run and Fleet of Foot. 5 times 50ft > 4 times 60 ft (horses). Later one human cleric joined, but the gnome knew Reduce Person (very useful to carry the cleric in one free hand).
Well. Long story short: DM went crazy because we didn't get caught like he planned to, our halforc outran the riders. He wanted us to break out of the jail without weapons and armors (in some strange way including the guard and some princess and some old prophecy). We simply attacked the fortress with our full equipment (both spellcasters had bought a wand of Magic Missile) and burnt it to the ground, rescued the princess and killed all bad boys
We had a lot of fun, the DM was sick about "powergamers" and CRPG dudes.

next story next time.

 

[NewJeffCT]

A few years back, in Dragon

A few years back, there was a letter in Dragon magazine from some DM that pulled what I think is monumentally stupid. I'm not sure if my memory is 100% on this, but this is what I recall: The players were in some sort of dungeon and were surprised by a giant spider, or maybe something worse but spidery in appearance (like those demons that look like spiders whose name I can't recall right now)

But, to judge their reactions, before he announced what surprised them, the DM took his own real life pet tarantula and tossed it in the middle of the table in front of everybody. Of course, with that kind of surprise, the players were startled and (if I recall) a few ducked for cover, if not all of them. The DM stated that their real-life reactions were how their players reacted.

First - people play D&D to escape real life. Even if your PC has shades of your own personality (which is often the case) you're probably not casting spells, invoking the blessings of Pelor, swinging a vorpal weapon or whatnot in real life. Judging an out of game reaction to count in-game is just wrong, especially in a critical situation like that.

2nd - what if the DM's toss was just a bit off and it landed in a player's lap or on their shoulder?

3rd - what if somebody's reaction was to squash the thing with their Player's Handbook?

 

[^Graff]

"Guys, I just want to tell you before we start playing tonight that I wrote all of the material for our next few sessions while on acid."

The resulting dungeon was actually one of the coolest ones that I've ever encountered, but that phrase has stuck with me.

The DM for one of the campaigns that I'm currently in has written all of the encounters ahead of time, with encounter CRs appropriate for the level that he expects us to be at when we run into said encounter. Unfortunately, since the campaign is very free-form, we find ourselves catching some of the higher-level hooks too soon. Our party of 5 1st-level PCs recently found themselves in a fight with a 5th-level adept and 4-5 1st-level henchmen, at least two of which were arcane casters. This was compounded by the fact that both of our party's casters were down to cantrips at the beginning of the encounter due to this being the third fight of the day.

 

[+5 Keyboard!]

These are just the worst... his games were essentially one moment like this after another. And this guy gets 6-10 players for his games, and I am unable to sustain more than 3 at a time (usually 2). He probably killed all interest in D&D forever for about 6 people.

Oh, man, I've met a couple like that. Great players, but a really horrible DM. And most of them don't realize they're playing with a really horrible DM because he/she is the only one they've ever gamed with. Shame.

 

[Darklone]

...
2nd - what if the DM's toss was just a bit off and it landed in a player's lap or on their shoulder?

3rd - what if somebody's reaction was to squash the thing with their Player's Handbook?

2 - Not a big problem, the things aren't too dangerous. The Player won't like it though.

3 - Poor animal and stupid DM.

 

[Ry]

Ferrying children across a river:

Reflex Save or Children Die. GM made it clear that this was unavoidable by any means. The fact that it was multiple instances of Reflex Save or Children Die. No chance to save them.

I was playing the paladin.

 

[shilsen]

Ferrying children across a river:

Reflex Save or Children Die. GM made it clear that this was unavoidable by any means. The fact that it was multiple instances of Reflex Save or Children Die. No chance to save them.

I was playing the paladin.

Please tell me he didn't make the paladin lose his paladinhood after that.