Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Lalalei2001]

The PCs had just asked a king for help against an enemy, and he refused to help them. A PC said out of anger, "The king is stupid! Let's kill him!"

The king was standing right behind them and immediately ordered them imprisoned.

 

[dmccoy1693]

This happened two sessions ago. We're in the cult of Orcus hunting down an amulet from another cult of Orcus (in an underground lair, we also know there are ALOT of vampires down there and a cleric). We had a great plan (which SOMEHOW was the brain child of the PC that didn't stick to the plan, a telepath) of the fighter/wizard (me) and the cleric get in our bags of holding and hold our breath, the vampire would grab our bags go gasseous and fly through the unwatched, sealed but not-airtight front door, and let us out of our bags. The telepath was left on the surface with a bunch of NPC and was suppose to open up a 2nd front through the watched back door after the fighting started.

But then the telepath gets the BRILLIANT idea of attempting to negotiate with the guy watching the back door. I interrupt him and tell the DM, I'm getting my bag of holding now and look right at the cleric, waiting for him to do the same so we can get this going while they're talking. The telepath, getting high on himself being the center of attenction (esp while the cleric and vampire just sat there and watched) proceeded the the guy on the other side of the door who we are, where we live, what we're looking for, and our vampire's weakness (he had a magic item that allowed him to move around in the daytime).

Then, the telepath gets tired of the other guy's taunting and he uses one of his psionic abilities 4 times (thus taking 4 rounds) to destroy the dirt to get to the guy and then mind bursting the rock ceiling (5th round) and thus causing a cave in of the all the surrounding dirt, filling the complex with dirt. So we have to dig our way through the complex, but since the dirt is loose from falling and not airtight, all the vampires have free movement. My fighter/wizard and the the telepath needed a restoration spell to hear our negative levels.

The best part is is that the amulet wasn't there. The telepath successfully negotiated with someone else who knew where it was to get it (believe it or not), but the cleric and my ftr/wiz needed to be placed under a Geas. I agreed to it if at the start of everyday for the rest of my character's life, I am permitted to have my character punch the telepath in the face.

 

[vonmolkew]

After playing for two solid years and actually getting to a level the module was designed for, my party went carefully and thoughtfully through the Tomb of Horrors with only minor scratches. We deduced that EVERYTHING was going to cause us problems if we didn't stop and think about it first. Then we picked up the obviously valuable crystal skull without even thinking about the consequences..........

Demi-Lich? What the !~@#!@ is a Demi-Lich?............

 

[Lalalei2001]

^ That must've sucked...I'm assuming they died?

 

[Lalalei2001]

The funniest/stupidest story I ever heard about a DnD game was the one about the player who didn't know what a gazebo was. The DM stated that there was a large gazebo off to the left of the party as they entered the town square. The player immediately readied his bow and ran for cover at the corner of a nearby building.

The rest of the party just stood there! How could they just stand there like that!? The player asked the DM what the gazebo was doing. The DM responded, " It's a gazebo!" The player took this to mean that he should know what it was going to do, so he put several arrows into it one after another.

When the DM said that the arrows had no effect on the gazebo whatsoever, the player's face went pale, and he drew his sword and charged in to save hs fellow party members who were still just standing there. The DM had had enough, and the dreaded gazebo, finally tiring of all the taunting, rose up and swiftly killed the foolish attacker.

 

[Lalalei2001]

There was a party being held in a keep that the characters had to get into. They first had to get past the guards who were looking for weapons. They were tossing people before they got into the door for having so much as a peeling knife. So one guy in the party gets this great idea:

Player: "How much does a short sword do?"
DM: "1d6"
Player (checking character sheet):" Alright! I have 30 hit points!"
DM: "So what?"
Player:"So I sheathe the sword into the top of my head down to the hilt and put on a top hat!"
DM: "Ok people, Fred sheathes the sword into his head and falls down dead."

 

[Merkuri]

I think I'd call that a self-coup de grace.

 

[Lalalei2001]

The party has spotted a messenger traveling quickly on horseback, and they decide to ambush, capture, and interrogate him on the nature of his mission. They hide behind some bushes to wait. As the poor unsuspecting messenger gallops by, they spring their plan into action:

Druid: I cast "Hold" on his horse.

DM: On the horse? Umm, okay.

*fails saving throw*

DM: The horse freezes, but you know, there's a whole lot of inertial energy in that horse. Frozen in mid stride, the horse goes tumbling end over end. The rider screams an obscenity (& badly fails a dex role) and is thrown and crushed by his former steed.

Druid: Crap!

(DM roles damage, rider & horse fail another couple saving throws)

DM: Well, you killed the messenger, and you really ought to think about euthanizing that horse.

The party deliberates, kills the horse, searches the messenger, and then decides they want to hide all traces of what happened here, probably because they were too embarrassed.

Paladin: We hide the bodies!

DM: Uh, where? Behind a tree? Horses are heavy.

(Long silence)

Paladin: We bury the bodies!

DM: Got a shovel?

(Long silence)

Druid: I cast "Earth Maw" on the bodies!

DM: Alright, the horse & rider are crushed into gory chunks and engulfed under the ground. There is now an uneven, blood soaked patch of ground here. No one will ever suspect that their messenger met his end here.

Druid: Umm, I "Create Water" on top of it to wash away the blood.

DM: Fine, now it's a muddy, boggy, uneven patch in the middle of the trail. No one will ever suspect.

Druid: Okay, so I cast the reverse, "Remove Water"

Paladin: And I scatter leaves over it!

DM: Errm, fine. You leave the site, confidant that no one will ever be suspicious of the uneven, cracked earth with the pile of leaves sitting on top, smack in the middle of the trail.

 

[Gilwen]

For my group of 20th level characters who had a policy of carry everything you own, leave nothing behind, it went something like this when ransacking a powerful and old lich wizard's main lair who was known to be especially sinister....


<DM> You arrive at what you think is the door to the lich's laboratory. You see a green glowing rune like carving. There is another smaller door on the left wall.

<Fighter> I want to kick it in...

<Group> whoa...let the Rogue earn his keep...

<Rogue> I want to examine it to see if it's a trap.

<roll fails but not enough to set off the trap>

<Rouge> I don't think it's trapped but I'm going try and pick the other door first and see what our options are in that room, there may be an easier way in.

<No objections and he goes over>

<Fighter> I kick in the main door.

<Crazy looks from group>

<DM> you want to kick it in the door with the glowing runes?
<Figter> yep. I kick it in....
<Group freaks out>
<DM> OK everyone within 10 feet has to roll for all of their magic items againist Mordy's Disjunction. (this was everyone but the rogue)

They basically lost everything, the Ranger managed to save his +1 arrows.

It's a good thing I have a rule about player vs player

Gil

 

[cutter]

We once had a character in a 2nd ed. game who stuck his head in a bag of holding, simply because another character used ventreloquism to convince the player that the bag was intelligent and was commanding him to do so.