Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done
- Thread starter Lalalei2001
- Start date
Slife
First Post
Take it up with the people who named "Undeath to Death"sukael said:
Still, since this thread includes dumb DM calls, I guess it counts.
Currently I am playing a campaign with 3 other players (all new to DnD). They were on a ship that travelled during the night and they saw some shadowy figure lurk onto the ship. So they followed him and saw him enter the captains quarters. As they approached and listened they heard the door lock and then a gasp as well as the sound of someone choking. They stood there listening and discussed whether they should knock on the door and ask whose there or leave. 2 decided to leave and 1 stood there listening (meanwhile inside the captain was choked to death and then slashed by an assassin who escaped through the window). When there were no more sounds, the one that stood behind the door knocked it down and entered. The DM told him that he sees blood everywhere and the captain looks dead. Nonetheless, the player still kept checking the captain's pulse, listening whether he's breathing (this is even though the DM told him, that the captain is absolutely pale and has a hole through the heart).
To add on to my previous post, the two other characters (a fighter and a wizardess) went onboard the deck. There they saw that the first mate was taking over the ship (as he was the traitor - the DM tried to hint at this several times) and killing the sailors loyal to the captain. This was easily done as he assigned them the shift in the afternoon and all were sleeping at that moment. THe 2 players saw them being killed, but nonetheless stood there. The fighter finally attacked the first mate, but was outnumbered as sailors loyal to him came to help. Meanwhile, the monk (the 3 player was checking on the dead captain) and the wizardess, stood there silent with a torch. Finally, the monk came out of the captain's cabin (after being explicitly told by the DM that the captain is dead) to help the fighter. They won, but just barely. They managed to save 2 sailors.
But to be nice, they got much better by now, although the monk still has some "interesting" ideas on how to solve crisis situations.
But to be nice, they got much better by now, although the monk still has some "interesting" ideas on how to solve crisis situations.
Lalalei2001
Explorer
This one guy, we felt so bad for him. To this day we're not sure if he really was stupid, or just not getting it.
Scenario: He's a halfling thief, and the party has just come into possession of a Deck of Many Things. He drew lucky and got Keep, which means he unexpectedly inherits land holdings from some unknown relative that has just died.
He also has a second level thief henchman, from another lucky draw, which is VERY lucky. He inherited some halfling uncle's brewery and lands. His mother tells him he got the brewery by stealing the funds for it, and he was a very successful thief in his day. Thus begins the Trial of the Incompetent Halfling. *sigh*
He goes to the bedroom. Of course, all the other players, who know me well, are thinking "Ooooh, halfling thief keep, lots of good junk squirrelled away!!!" What does this guy do? Drinks a bunch of the beer and goes to bed.
I graciously allow one of the other players to give him a nudge in the right direction, although all of the other characters are at other places. He finally decides to start searching, and lo and behold, finds a secret door in the bedroom.
He goes down the short flight of stairs and finds a small stone room, ten by ten, with no apparent doors. He leaves, goes and drinks more beer, and goes back to bed, thinking that the room had been cleared out prior to his uncle's death.
The other amused players, once again, gently steer him in the right direction. So the next day he toddles down the stairs, and lo and behold again, finds another secret door. I, thinking he's going to check for traps, don't bother placing any.
He doesn't, he just opens the door and steps in.
I begin to realize that this guy needs to figure out what being a thief is all about...much less a halfling thief. Inside the room (another square stone room, 10x10) there is a single shelf jutting from the wall, with a small ivory box, and two urns on the floor beneath it.
He cavalierly walks across the room and checks out the urns. One is sealed with wax, the other is simply stoppered. He unstoppers it. Inside he finds dust.
Him: Dust? That's dumb. I dump it out.
Me: You--what?
Him: I dump it out.
The other players are horrified.
Sure enough, he dumps it out and he and his henchman promptly fail their saving throws as it is Dust of Choking and Sneezing. His henchman recovers first and drags him from the room. He recovers, chuckles at himself, and proceeds to stride right back into the room.
His henchmen ends up covering his nose and mouth with a kerchief and rescues him again, as his footfalls stir up the dust once more. FINALLY getting this particular hint, he and his henchman very carefully reenter the room.
I ask him what he's going to do.
Me: You have one more urn that is sealed with wax, and the box on the shelf. The shelf seems to be sticking out of the wall itself, not affixed there or attached to it in some way (hint, hint).
Him: I pick up the box.
The other players groan in unison.
*Kathunk!* A spear shoots out of the wall on what is belly height for a halfling and skewers him. He passes out, but does not die. When he comes round, he sees his predicament. The spear is in fact, affixed firmly in the wall, holding him up quite nicely.
Me: What do you do?
Him: I slide off backwards.
Me: You take an additional 1d4 points of damage as the barbed head penetrates your back, and you pass out again.
He comes around again.
Me: What do you do?
Him: I draw my short sword and begin whacking at the pole of the spear in front of me.
I exchange glances with everyone else at the table, but must do the proper thing, as it is not a magical sword...
Me: You take additional 1d4 blunt damage from the violent movement of the spearshaft. You pass out.
The other players, by this time, are gnawing on furniture. Comes around again. I finally let the other players help out. "HAVE YOUR HENCHMAN REMOVE THE BARB AND HELP YOU OFF!!!" He does so, makes it back upstairs, and gets patched up.
There is no local cleric (in most of my games, clerics are very rare), but he is in no danger of dying as they have a very good hedge doctor at the keep. He wakes up the next day, half stats, etc. I describe the extent of his disability, his agony, and so on.
Me: What are you going to do. (I'm thinking he'll send a messenger for another PC to help him out, as they do actually have a cleric in the party, but he's currently at his temple in the city some distance away.)
Him: I order a big steak and beer breakfast.
Me: *gape* You just sustained a massive abdominal injury. You were on the verge of death, and you're weak and ill. You what?
Him: I order a big steak and beer breakfast.
Me: You sustain 1d4 damage from convulsive vomiting.
FINALLY he heals up and heads back down into the vault. The box is on the floor. He CHECKS FOR TRAPS! YAY! and disarms the ones that are there, and opens it. Inside are four vials of clear liquid in velvet (turns out to be holy water, but that's a different tangent to the story).
Then he checks out the remaining urn. No runes in the wax, just plain red wax on an ivory bottle. He simply breaks the seal and looks inside. He sees liquid of some sort. He carefully pours some into his hand.
At this point, I didn't have the heart to make it the incredibly nasty poison (which was supposed to be a boon to his party later on) it was supposed to be, and instead made it a Potion of Stench. He figured it out when his henchman started puking.
I thought my other players were going to pop, they wanted to jump in so badly.
Scenario: He's a halfling thief, and the party has just come into possession of a Deck of Many Things. He drew lucky and got Keep, which means he unexpectedly inherits land holdings from some unknown relative that has just died.
He also has a second level thief henchman, from another lucky draw, which is VERY lucky. He inherited some halfling uncle's brewery and lands. His mother tells him he got the brewery by stealing the funds for it, and he was a very successful thief in his day. Thus begins the Trial of the Incompetent Halfling. *sigh*
He goes to the bedroom. Of course, all the other players, who know me well, are thinking "Ooooh, halfling thief keep, lots of good junk squirrelled away!!!" What does this guy do? Drinks a bunch of the beer and goes to bed.
I graciously allow one of the other players to give him a nudge in the right direction, although all of the other characters are at other places. He finally decides to start searching, and lo and behold, finds a secret door in the bedroom.
He goes down the short flight of stairs and finds a small stone room, ten by ten, with no apparent doors. He leaves, goes and drinks more beer, and goes back to bed, thinking that the room had been cleared out prior to his uncle's death.
The other amused players, once again, gently steer him in the right direction. So the next day he toddles down the stairs, and lo and behold again, finds another secret door. I, thinking he's going to check for traps, don't bother placing any.
He doesn't, he just opens the door and steps in.
I begin to realize that this guy needs to figure out what being a thief is all about...much less a halfling thief. Inside the room (another square stone room, 10x10) there is a single shelf jutting from the wall, with a small ivory box, and two urns on the floor beneath it.
He cavalierly walks across the room and checks out the urns. One is sealed with wax, the other is simply stoppered. He unstoppers it. Inside he finds dust.
Him: Dust? That's dumb. I dump it out.
Me: You--what?
Him: I dump it out.
The other players are horrified.
Sure enough, he dumps it out and he and his henchman promptly fail their saving throws as it is Dust of Choking and Sneezing. His henchman recovers first and drags him from the room. He recovers, chuckles at himself, and proceeds to stride right back into the room.
His henchmen ends up covering his nose and mouth with a kerchief and rescues him again, as his footfalls stir up the dust once more. FINALLY getting this particular hint, he and his henchman very carefully reenter the room.
I ask him what he's going to do.
Me: You have one more urn that is sealed with wax, and the box on the shelf. The shelf seems to be sticking out of the wall itself, not affixed there or attached to it in some way (hint, hint).
Him: I pick up the box.
The other players groan in unison.
*Kathunk!* A spear shoots out of the wall on what is belly height for a halfling and skewers him. He passes out, but does not die. When he comes round, he sees his predicament. The spear is in fact, affixed firmly in the wall, holding him up quite nicely.
Me: What do you do?
Him: I slide off backwards.
Me: You take an additional 1d4 points of damage as the barbed head penetrates your back, and you pass out again.
He comes around again.
Me: What do you do?
Him: I draw my short sword and begin whacking at the pole of the spear in front of me.
I exchange glances with everyone else at the table, but must do the proper thing, as it is not a magical sword...
Me: You take additional 1d4 blunt damage from the violent movement of the spearshaft. You pass out.
The other players, by this time, are gnawing on furniture. Comes around again. I finally let the other players help out. "HAVE YOUR HENCHMAN REMOVE THE BARB AND HELP YOU OFF!!!" He does so, makes it back upstairs, and gets patched up.
There is no local cleric (in most of my games, clerics are very rare), but he is in no danger of dying as they have a very good hedge doctor at the keep. He wakes up the next day, half stats, etc. I describe the extent of his disability, his agony, and so on.
Me: What are you going to do. (I'm thinking he'll send a messenger for another PC to help him out, as they do actually have a cleric in the party, but he's currently at his temple in the city some distance away.)
Him: I order a big steak and beer breakfast.
Me: *gape* You just sustained a massive abdominal injury. You were on the verge of death, and you're weak and ill. You what?
Him: I order a big steak and beer breakfast.
Me: You sustain 1d4 damage from convulsive vomiting.
FINALLY he heals up and heads back down into the vault. The box is on the floor. He CHECKS FOR TRAPS! YAY! and disarms the ones that are there, and opens it. Inside are four vials of clear liquid in velvet (turns out to be holy water, but that's a different tangent to the story).
Then he checks out the remaining urn. No runes in the wax, just plain red wax on an ivory bottle. He simply breaks the seal and looks inside. He sees liquid of some sort. He carefully pours some into his hand.
At this point, I didn't have the heart to make it the incredibly nasty poison (which was supposed to be a boon to his party later on) it was supposed to be, and instead made it a Potion of Stench. He figured it out when his henchman started puking.
I thought my other players were going to pop, they wanted to jump in so badly.
Ika said:Currently I am playing a campaign with 3 other players (all new to DnD). They were on a ship that travelled during the night and they saw some shadowy figure lurk onto the ship. So they followed him and saw him enter the captains quarters. As they approached and listened they heard the door lock and then a gasp as well as the sound of someone choking. They stood there listening and discussed whether they should knock on the door and ask whose there or leave. 2 decided to leave and 1 stood there listening (meanwhile inside the captain was choked to death and then slashed by an assassin who escaped through the window). When there were no more sounds, the one that stood behind the door knocked it down and entered. The DM told him that he sees blood everywhere and the captain looks dead. Nonetheless, the player still kept checking the captain's pulse, listening whether he's breathing (this is even though the DM told him, that the captain is absolutely pale and has a hole through the heart).
To add on to my previous post, the two other characters (a fighter and a wizardess) went onboard the deck. There they saw that the first mate was taking over the ship (as he was the traitor - the DM tried to hint at this several times) and killing the sailors loyal to the captain. This was easily done as he assigned them the shift in the afternoon and all were sleeping at that moment. THe 2 players saw them being killed, but nonetheless stood there. The fighter finally attacked the first mate, but was outnumbered as sailors loyal to him came to help. Meanwhile, the monk (the 3 player was checking on the dead captain) and the wizardess, stood there silent with a torch. Finally, the monk came out of the captain's cabin (after being explicitly told by the DM that the captain is dead) to help the fighter. They won, but just barely. They managed to save 2 sailors.
But to be nice, they got much better by now, although the monk still has some "interesting" ideas on how to solve crisis situations.
He, he... yes, I remember that one! It was actually even worse than you describe - apart from the monk's player, the players were not new to D&D at all, they were merely new to the 3.X edition, which leaves them with fewer excuses. There were several other factors at play too, which made it even sillier than it sounds from the above. As you say they have improved a lot by now, but just yesterday I recall hearing the player of the wizardess boast about how useful she was during the combat on the ship!
Lalalei2001
Explorer
I'm temporarily interrupting the thread to say Rest In Peace, E. Gary Gygax. Without you, DnD and this catalogue of stupid DnD players wouldn't exist.
RIP.
RIP.
Lalalei2001
Explorer
I tend to be a very tactical D and D player, and only very rarely do I make mistakes. That said, though, occasionally I don't pay enough attention, and this COLOSSAL show of idiocy during a low-level campaign keeps my friends wary of me to date:
My Scout: Do I see anything? I roll a Spot check. *rolls*
DM: You see a faint shimmering in the dark passage.
PC Barbarian: I head toward it.
DM: The shimmering is really a system of webs all along the passage! Make an Escape Artist check to avoid being entangled and unable to move!
PC Barbarian: *rolls* Crap.
PC Ninja: I head to his aid!
DM: Roll a Spot check as you run.
PC Ninja: *rolls* Wait, what?
DM: You see a family of giant spiders, climbing down the intricate webs to your struggling companion! To make it to him, roll an Escape Artist check.
PC Barbarian: You're a ninja, man. You screw this up and I'll smish you.
PC Ninja: *rolls* ONE! Crap!
PC Barbarian: If I could move now I WOULD smash you.
My Scout: Dude! The Spiders! Spiders!
NPC Spider1: Hssss! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 3+1 damage! Ow!
NPC Spider2: Shraaaaa! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 4+1 damage! Oooh!
NPC Spider3: Scree! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 1+1 damage! Gwah!
My Scout (looking above Barbarian): Oh man oh man oh man oh-
Large-size Spider: HREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 7+4 damage! OW! You didn't say that one was BIG!
DM: Blame that on the ninja not asking me.
PC Ninja: Oh, come on-
My Scout (grinning): Wait! Don't worry guys! I just had a great idea! I can get 'em by setting fire to the web! *readies torch*
PC Barbarian: Wait...won't...not...um...! GAH!
PC Ninja: NOOO! NO NO NO WE CAN'T MOVE YOU IDIOT-
My Scout: What? What??? *has already lowered torch*
DM: Oh...dear.
FHLAAAAAWSHWOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Three Smaller Spiders: Skraaah! 5 damage! Schreeekle! 4 damage! *drops* *drops* *drops*
Big Spider: MRIEEE 5 damage! EEEEE 6 damage! EEEEEE 5 damage! EEEEEEEEE 2 damage! EEEEE *falls from ceiling* EERRRRG! 6 falling damage! *drops*
PC Barbarian: Ow. 6 damage! Ow. 3 damage! I'd better- 4 damage! die- 2 damage! soon- *drops, skin literally torched black*
My Scout (at a loss for words): eep.
PC Ninja: You- 5 damage! Scout I- 1 damage! hate you so- 1 damage! mu- 3 damage! *crumples, smoldering, to his knees at -1 hp*
PC Ninja (lapsing into unconciousness): .....mmmuhhhhh....... *eyes loll back into head*
PC Ninja: ......shhhoooooowwww.......
PC Ninja:...........MUCH! *drops*
*Silence*
DM (Clapping Sarcastically): Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. You gonna loot your friends or just leave them there?
My Scout (Mouth wide open): ....guuuuhhhh....uhhhh.... *twitches*
My Scout: ........
My Scout: ...um...
My Scout: .....
My Scout: .....heh...huhm......oopsie?....
My Scout: .............................
My Scout: ...um...hehehe-about th-th-that-um-s-sorry!...
My Scout: .................................................. ...
My Scout: ...... *checks ninja's pockets*
My Scout: Do I see anything? I roll a Spot check. *rolls*
DM: You see a faint shimmering in the dark passage.
PC Barbarian: I head toward it.
DM: The shimmering is really a system of webs all along the passage! Make an Escape Artist check to avoid being entangled and unable to move!
PC Barbarian: *rolls* Crap.
PC Ninja: I head to his aid!
DM: Roll a Spot check as you run.
PC Ninja: *rolls* Wait, what?
DM: You see a family of giant spiders, climbing down the intricate webs to your struggling companion! To make it to him, roll an Escape Artist check.
PC Barbarian: You're a ninja, man. You screw this up and I'll smish you.
PC Ninja: *rolls* ONE! Crap!
PC Barbarian: If I could move now I WOULD smash you.
My Scout: Dude! The Spiders! Spiders!
NPC Spider1: Hssss! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 3+1 damage! Ow!
NPC Spider2: Shraaaaa! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 4+1 damage! Oooh!
NPC Spider3: Scree! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 1+1 damage! Gwah!
My Scout (looking above Barbarian): Oh man oh man oh man oh-
Large-size Spider: HREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! *rolls*
PC Barbarian: 7+4 damage! OW! You didn't say that one was BIG!
DM: Blame that on the ninja not asking me.
PC Ninja: Oh, come on-
My Scout (grinning): Wait! Don't worry guys! I just had a great idea! I can get 'em by setting fire to the web! *readies torch*
PC Barbarian: Wait...won't...not...um...! GAH!
PC Ninja: NOOO! NO NO NO WE CAN'T MOVE YOU IDIOT-
My Scout: What? What??? *has already lowered torch*
DM: Oh...dear.
FHLAAAAAWSHWOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Three Smaller Spiders: Skraaah! 5 damage! Schreeekle! 4 damage! *drops* *drops* *drops*
Big Spider: MRIEEE 5 damage! EEEEE 6 damage! EEEEEE 5 damage! EEEEEEEEE 2 damage! EEEEE *falls from ceiling* EERRRRG! 6 falling damage! *drops*
PC Barbarian: Ow. 6 damage! Ow. 3 damage! I'd better- 4 damage! die- 2 damage! soon- *drops, skin literally torched black*
My Scout (at a loss for words): eep.
PC Ninja: You- 5 damage! Scout I- 1 damage! hate you so- 1 damage! mu- 3 damage! *crumples, smoldering, to his knees at -1 hp*
PC Ninja (lapsing into unconciousness): .....mmmuhhhhh....... *eyes loll back into head*
PC Ninja: ......shhhoooooowwww.......
PC Ninja:...........MUCH! *drops*
*Silence*
DM (Clapping Sarcastically): Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. You gonna loot your friends or just leave them there?
My Scout (Mouth wide open): ....guuuuhhhh....uhhhh.... *twitches*
My Scout: ........
My Scout: ...um...
My Scout: .....
My Scout: .....heh...huhm......oopsie?....
My Scout: .............................
My Scout: ...um...hehehe-about th-th-that-um-s-sorry!...
My Scout: .................................................. ...
My Scout: ...... *checks ninja's pockets*
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