Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Imperialus]

Encamped with a group of orcs, the party druid decided to enforce her vegetarian diet upon her hosts. She did this by physically removing their dinner, a venison roasting on a spit, from the fire. Her hosts were none too pleased. A short combat later, and the druid was left split in twain from head to toe.

She's lucky she didn't end up serving as replacement dinner.

AD&D 2nd ed. Our party ranger was injured and unable to hunt we had no food. The party mage decided to go hunting himself... happens across a trophy buck during the late fall. I can't remember exactly what the DM called for him to roll but either way he rolled rediculously high. The mage quickly parused his list of equipment, realized he only had a staff and decided he'd cast his most powerful spell to fell the beast. A single magic dart flew from his fingers rolling.... minimum damage on a 2 HD deer. Well the DM decided that while normally a deer would run from such an attack this was after all late fall and therefor rutting season. He chased the mage up a tree and remained their trying to attack him until the next day.

 

[DreadPirateMurphy]

When the DM said, "So nobody is actually touching the artifact?", I chime in with, "I touch it!"

DM: "Make a Fortitude save."

We had already determined that this was a hideously evil artifact that reeked of necromancy and allowed BBEGs to create undead creatures.

Doh. Made my save, though.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

There was the time the Fighter decided to pay a prostitute for oral sex.

He asked the NPC villain Vampire, who was in disguise to observe them.

He offered 3 silver.

He phrased his request in a way I can't repeat here.

He then agreed to follow her into an isolated stone cellar, "Where it's quiet & no one can here us".

He survived the 'Encounter', well, most of him survived; but was forever after known as 'Shorty', even after the Regnerate spell.

 

[shilsen]

1/2 Orc Barabarian with an Intelligence of 6

'Nuf said.

I'll see your half-orc and raise you an orc barbarian with Int, Wis and Cha of 6 each.

The PC did a lot of stupid stuff where I knew better as a player but figured the character wouldn't. He tried to grapple an allip and was mildly eloctrocuted by licking a magical portal. Too bad the campaign folded before I got to play him for more than a handful of sessions.

 

[Tarangil]

1) A favourite of mine was a player who's greed always got the better of him. If I ever wanted to test a trap, I just put a gold piece on the floor, and I wouldn't be able to finish the description of what's around it before he blurts out, "I grab it". Usually after bitten once or twice you'd learn... This Thief ALWAYS sprung the traps on himself because of that and didn't successfully Disarm a trap until he was Lvl 9.

2) Had a dumb player join us, and the group was ambushed on the road. Surrounded by bow wielding orcs in the bushes, he gets a couple of arrows in him and decides to hide...by lying down on the dirt road and burying himself in full view of everyone. Hard packed earth cannot bury a boot, but all he would do is try and try and try...until he got killed.

3) Remember the first room in the UNDERMOUNTAIN? You know the one with the two orcs in it? The clerk/mage, wild mage, and Barbarian (Player from (1)) These guys went into UM at first level, scuffled with the orcs and one got away. Then they decided to camp out. About 15 orcs returned and started bashing the door open. (Think LOTR with the Door being busted in the Tomb), Everyone is ready for the onslaught...

Blankor (B1) "Where'd the Wizard go?"

Trose (C1/M1) "What?!?!" -looks at player 3 in shock-

The wild mage Slick 50 had decided to sneak out the secret door behind them run back to the well and be lifted back up before the door was busted in leaving his friends. After cat and mouse, some smart surviving Trose and Blankor survived, went back up to the yawning portal to find their Friend enjoying a round of drinks. We all know what would happen next. The Roaring Barbarian who never liked wizards picked up the skinny Slick 50 and threw him down the well. Mr Wild mage used a wild surge to make spider climb while falling and made it 200% effective, stuck out his hands and touched the well wall as he fell the 240'....

To this day his hands are still sticking to where he touched the wall. The rest of him after his wrists dislocated and popped off, fell the rest of the way leaving a long greasy smear all the way down.

The Moral- If you're a wizard and in a party with a magic suspicious Barbarian...Don't betray the party.

 

[jdrakeh]

I remember playing in an AD&D 1e campaign where I, as a Palladin, was assigned to escort and protect (at the expense of my own life, if necessary) a cleric who was on their way to the capital city of our country. Along the way, we were ambushed by bandits and I placed myself between the cleric and our attackers, to buy her some time to escape - instead she hurled a flask of greek fire in the road... and it fell a few feet short of the bandits, setting my mount on fire and superheating my full plate armor, effectively cooking me alive (it didn't kill me, but it very nearly did). Net result: Cleric captured. Palladin left for dead.

 

[just__al]

Trying to communicate with a demon using "the universal language of mathematics".

Demiurge out.

Prince of Darkness reference? It's really ringing a bell....

 

[Estlor]

Once I was playing an elven bard that was a bit of a ditz. We were captured by orc slavers and were making an escape with nothing but a couple of makeshift knives. We had overpowered an orc and killed it and were now manipulating it to make it look like it was "escorting" us through the prison.

Anyway, one of the orcs barks out a question to the body of the dead orc. Since my elf was the only one that could speak the same language, they responded as if they were the orc.

Sounds sensible, right?

Except the elf and the orc were opposite genders.

For the life of me I can't recall how we survived that encounter. Yeah, I knew better than to try that tactic, but the character, ah yes, that's exactly what they'd do.

 

[Warrior Poet]

It would have been a terrific challenge to improvise up some 'evil math' with which to carry out the conversation.

Like calculus?

Miserable at math,

Warrior Poet

 

[Warrior Poet]

"Sir Godboy is no more. Sorry."

Ah, good times, good times.

Warrior Poet