Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Ipissimus]

Ok, I've got a stupid thing that a DM has done, not me but one time when I actually got to play in the dim, dark, past.

I was in High School and 2E was the new edition, nice and shiny. Going over to an aquaintance's place for a game, I was disturbed to learn that the DM used the rules for critical hits and weapon speed. I rolled up a ranger, the obligatory cleric, magic-user and rogue were filled by the rest of the group and we played.

It was a standard opening. We were guarding a caravan and, lo and behold, we were attacked by 6 goblins with spears. Ho-hum. Five minutes and two handfuls of natural 20s later and it was a TPK.

I can't say what we thought of that game because too many expletives were involved for this forum but it remains the singular most boring game of DnD I've ever played in my life.

 

[Lalalei2001]

The BBEG of our campaign is a demonblooded (succubus) nymph with a bunch of roguish class levels and with a Wisdom-draining whip. The party ran into her by accident early on in the campaign and has run into her occasionally after that. She's amused by the party and "plays" with them as a sort of fun. Naturally, this has led to all sorts of mental trauma for the PCs.

However, just recently, she got asked to "escort" a promising Ogre Mage for the real BBEG on a pillaging run against the PCs home country. Naturally, the party comes in after the pillagers spend a day attacking a remote village. A Seven Samurai-style adventure ensues, and having defeated the mooks, the party Ranger-type tracks this mob back to their encampment, where the few survivors (incl. the ogre) are frantically packing to get the heck out of dodge.

PC go in and stomp all over the mooks and the ogre, only to come up short when they they hear "honey, what's going on?" in a familiar voice. This time, the nymph isn't taking prisoners, and instead of using her natural weapons, starts lashing out with the whip to drop their Will saves.

It's a +3 Sadistic Will-Sapping Whip of Spell Storing ("Agony" spell from BoVD). They're getting hit by this thing HARD, and one of them finally fails his Will save against the Will-sapping effect and loses some Wisdom. I tell him that the whip seemed to drain something from his soul and he loses some wisdom, and it feels good.

All other players: "The whip feels good? I stop fighting and get in line!"
DM: *head hits table*

 

[theskyfullofdust]

Yesterday's session had a few stupid moments (mostly initiated by my character; I was in a mischevious mood).

We were hunting for the secret back entrance to a criminal gang's HQ, and after a few encounters decided to stake out a tavern where we knew they hung out. My ranger was on the rooftops, ready to follow the bad guys to their lair.

Someone came out; I was ready to follow along the rooftops. As he passes me I run across and try to jump over to the next roof (easy jump, DC 10); but with a -1 Jump skill I fell, landed on my arse right next to the man I ws trying to stealthily follow. He ran, and we had to run after him.

It was quite funny at the time, but I guess you had to be there.

 

[Lalalei2001]

I'm currently running a hairless Dwarven Defender (long story) named Jormund at level eight in a low magic campaign. He's Lawful Good.

The party is mostly evil with a neutral or two. Early in the campaign we entered an inn in a wood and were beseeched to find the innkeeper’s kidnapped daughter. She was kidnapped by a group of large hominids (bugbears, we'd later discover) about two weeks beforehand.

They left a letter in the field she was captured in saying that 1000 gold needed to be delivered to a specific spot under some rock in the badlands. The party spent 20 or 30 minutes debating what priority the trip was and whether we were prepared enough when my character piped in:

(We haven't played a session in a few weeks and I can't recall the names of the other PCs, so it's just going to be classes, unfortunately.)

Jormund: 50 gold says she's dead.
Gladiator: Why do you say that? It's a ransom.
Jormund: A two week old ransom. One that orders cash to be planted before the girl is delivered.
Gladiator: Well, yeah, but that's awfully shaky grounds to make a bet on.
Jormund: Large demi-humans. A poorly written ransom note.

Rouge/Monk: If you're implying that they're not bright, that seems more the reason they'd think they'd need to keep the girl alive.
Jormund: I'm implying that they're simple. These things have two options: carry, feed and shelter the pretty little elf girl or devour her and still collect a sizable ransom.

Rouge/Monk: Well, that makes sense, but do you really think they'd realize-
Jormund: Stupid and cunning are two different things entirely. They even called the place they kidnapped her, by all accounts a nondescript flowered clearing, "the killing place," for crying out loud.

Innkeeper: Oh god, you think my Elaine is dead?!

Caught me completely off guard. "Wait! We're still in the inn?"

Everyone nods.

"I thought we were out by the wagon checking supplies."

Everyone shakes their heads.

"So I tried to start a dead pool for a man's daughter in front of him?"

Everyone nods.

Jormund: Err... No. I'm sure she's alright... Heh.

 

[The Green Adam]

OK, there was this one time...

Champions campaign, the first adventure - 6 armed gunmen with superhuman strength and speed interrupt a scientist's presentation on his invention of a honest-to-goodness time machine. The heroes, a 6 man team of all the classic icons, Superstrong Flying Alien, Speedster, Bug-themed Costumed Detective, Cyborg Warmachine, Blind Psionic and their leader, Suave Gentleman Mystic, defeat most of the gunmen, revealing them to be androids trying to sabotage the device. Just then, one of the gunmen gets to the time machine and reveals the real focus of the plan...he is going to put a bomb in the time machine and send it back to the dawn of the Earth, destroying it before it even forms. So our heroic defenders of all that is good and just stand before the villian as the Mystic says..."Alright men, let's see what he does...".

GM: Blink. Blink. "Um...he...puts a bomb in the time machine and send it back to the dawn of the Earth, destroying it before it even forms."

Mystic PC: "I see. Ok, gang, be ready for anything."

GM: Blink. Blink.

Mystic PC: "So what happens?"

GM: "BOOM. The world goes Boom. It goes Boom a really, really, really long time ago. The planet doesn't exist. The campaign is over...or actually never started."

The group looks at the lead PC with eyes bordering on the capacity for heat vision. The Mystic's player, a long time fan of the comic book medium, was certain the villian was about to elaborate on his monologue and/or reveal more on the reason and nature of his plan. The player never expected the bad guy to say "I'm going to press this button and blow up the Earth" and then just go ahead and press the button.

AD

 

[Mamacat]

I posted about the group I was in breaking up because of various reasons, but the DM missed several instances that showed something was wrong. We had one member of the group who used to keep a storyhour type log of the games....and looking over the last few, my character literally said, maybe three things, and didn't do much (I played the rogue, who tried to open locks, traps, etc, but the players basically blew through things, and never got into trouble for not letting my character take care of these things first - but that's another story). And finally, at one of the last sessions, I read a cook book. Yep, a cook book. We played at our house (because we have a 2 year old, and it's easier to bring the game there), and I had nothing else to do in game. Afterwards, we got this email asking why I was reading a cook book, was there something wrong???

The straw that broke the camel's back was when the DM called me a bad mother (which I'm not), but that was not game related.

 

[Lalalei2001]

The Rogue and the Warlock have been hired to track down a certain evil gang leader. They have just gained access to his secret base, and they have located a secret peephole, which shows the throne room of the local (supposedly lawful good) duke's palace! And, gasp and exposition, the gang leader is talking to the duke!

Duke: "Look, I've told you before..."
Rogue: "DUKE! HEY DUKE! WE CAN HEAR YOU!"
Me: >_<

 

[Dlsharrock]

Duke: "Look, I've told you before..."
Rogue: "DUKE! HEY DUKE! WE CAN HEAR YOU!"
Me: >_<

Hehe! That made my day

Stupidest thing that every happened in a game of mine: back in the days of 2e, a wizard with a phobia of climbing and heights is in a very small jolly boat with a brutish fighter having just escaped a corsair ship. They make it to shore, but there are no beaches, just these really sheer cliffs. The wizard takes one look at the cliffs and says "there's no way I'm going up there, we need to find another way."

The fighter's answer to this is to knock out the wizard and carry him up! Stupid enough for ya yet? More stupid? Ok- he decides it's best if he distracts the wizard before doing the deed, so he points out to sea and says "the corsairs have found us!". When the wizard turns to look the fighter hits him over the head with the only weapon he still has, a +2 club. Result: the wizard hops around the boat clutching his head and shrieking while the fighter blinks in confusion... then hits him again!

So it goes on, the wizard's player pleading the fighter's player to stop hitting him and the fighter passing me more notes: "hit him again" until finally the wizard goes down and over the side of the *very small boat*. A close-thing rescue later and it's at this point the fighter realises he hasn't the slightest hope in hell of climbing the sheer cliff with an unconscious, dripping wizard slung over his shoulder.

Good thing both players saw the funny side.

Another stupid moment was actually in-character stupid, which is always good for laughs. It didn't happen in my game (lamentably), but a friend told me of his hobbit character who lost an arm in combat. Thinking with the inevitable hobbit logic, he rigged up a shoulder strap and a bucket filled with soil, stuck his bleeding stump in the thing and walked around wearing it for the rest of his game in the hope that 'his arm would grow back'.

 

[Ipissimus]

As Sam Gamgee would say, that boy's just not showing good old Hobbit sense. You have to put fertilizer in the pot too, everyone knows that!

 

[Lalalei2001]

Behold the mighty story of what would one day be referred to as The Goblin Incident.

I am running a 2nd ed. game for two friends of mine. (Ahhh... back in the day) One is playing a ranger, one is playing a wizard. Both of them are human. Since the group is low... I add an Elven Rogue DMPC to the mix. He mostly just follows the other two's lead.

The adventure is to find out what has been sacking and setting fire to the merchant shipments headed for a small town... which is causing them serious economic stress. The wizard decides that the best way to do this is to set up a false merchant wagon and find out who has been attacking it this way.

Group hides in sealed crates and barrels, and allows themselves to be "captured" as swag by the goblins who have been raiding the trade route. Before doing so... the wizard (who by now, had picked up enough of the clues I'd dropped to know that goblins were the culprit) decides that goblins are dumb... and he has an idea. He slips some of the most potent sleeping poison he can find into two kegs of strong booze that they are carrying.

The gobs take the caravan, drag it into their cave, and take the kegs and some food for a big old goblin kegger party to celebrate their success. The PC's climb out of the crates. It is at this point that I point out that they are inside a cave and there is no light. The elf can see with Infravision. The wizard can see because he has a cat familiar (which granted infravision, back in the day)... The ranger can't see... and neglected to buy a torch of some sort.

The wizard tells him to tag along, not wanting to cast light in the dark cave, and give away their position. The ranger agrees. They skulk for a while and come on the party room. I describe the scene of about 2 dozen armed and armored goblins all having a rip-roaring kegger, lead by their high "priest", who is sitting on a raised stone seat like he's a king or something.

(He's actually a first level goblin mage who got his hands on a wand of burning hands.) As the potion was diluted down... I inform the wizard that they look a little groggy... but it's probably going to take them a little bit to fall asleep. It is at this point that the stupidity comes into play.

Ranger: "I shoot the head goblin!"

DM (Me): You want to shoot at a 3' tall goblin, who is at long range.... in the dark?

Ranger: "Yep. I've got a +2 to hit."

DM: "Pitch black darkness. As in "You can't see" darkness."

Ranger: "Yeah. I rolled a 12. Do I hit?"

He did not. The game was short lived at that point, as two dozen goblins rushed the group after the ranger gave them away. They probably could have made it out if they ran... but the wizard spent two rounds strangling the ranger before the goblins got to them.

We still refer to the Goblin Incident anytime the ranger's player has a plan or tries to do something clever.