D&D 5E Survivor Core Classes- Fighter Wins!

[BoldItalic]

Is this a dagger I see before me?

The nameless Assassin was quietly waiting out of sight behind a curtain, waiting for someone to fall convincingly by accident onto the poisoned dagger that he was holding behind his back so that he could, quite unintentionally you understand, relieve them of their gold. He was startled when a voice spoke just behind his head. It had a scythy, hour-glassy sort of quality.

Ah, there you are. I have a job for you.

Startled, the Assassin turned quickly to see who was behind him. Too quickly, as it turned out. When you are holding a poisoned dagger behind your back, it is unwise to turn around suddenly lest you stab yourself fatally in the front. This is indeed what happened. He scrabbled frantically in his belt pouch for the antidote, thinking six seconds, six seconds, where was it, six seconds ...

Looking for this? said the voice.

"No, no, no," he gasped as realisation dawned, "not you, not Death of Classes, not me, I'm an assassin, I'm on your side, I bring you loads of customers ..."

On the contrary, you merely cause me great inconvenience by rescheduling their normal appointments to an earlier date. My diary is a mess of crossings-out and my last three receptionists have all left in tears. This cannot go on. I need a new receptionist and you are the one for the job.

"But, but, I might not want a desk job. What about health benefits, and retirement plans, and pay rises, and ... and ... oh."

Quite.

---

The effect of the Reverse Gravity spell was, was, ... well it just was.

The Monk, Bruce Lee, was doing cartwheels in mid-air using his feet as lethal weapons in the best cinematic tradition whilst gathering loose change with his teeth as various people tumbled helplessly spilling the contents of their pouches. As a monk he was used to receiving charity and he was very good at it.

Barbarian (Throg) 4gp
Bard (Balustrade) 22gp
Cavalier -16gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
FFiigghhtteerr (Foghorn) 4ggpp
Monk (Bruce Lee) 30gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 35gp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 18gp
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 18gp¹
Thief 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp

¹ Roland's bar takings were safely inside his pet mimic, which incidentally was called Gobblet.

 

[Lanefan]

It didn't take long, once everyone had crashed to the floor as the Reverse Gravity wore off, for Ronni and her Thief companion Keyes to notice the absence of Knife, the third (and deadliest) member of their little team. That is to say the simple absence of Knife and their noticing thereof was nothing new, but Knife being absent while her knife was lying right there on the floor half-hidden by a curtain certainly was. Fully aware that anything that could make Knife drop her knife almost certainly presented a threat Ronni and Keyes couldn't handle, they quickly looked for someone that could provide a distraction - and lo and behold, there he was: Cholmondley the Cavalier, picking himself up off the floor in a clatter of armour and still not quite sure why he was here or what he was supposed to be doing. So Ronni, quickly donning a disguise that made her look slightly less like the person who had just looted Cholmondley on his way into the tavern, batted her eyelashes up to him and asked if he could please be oh so heroic and rescue the damsel in distress just behind that curtain...

(and somehow Ronni's batting eyelashes managed to slip a few g.p. into Cholmondley's hand; g.p. just recently liberated from some drunken Bard during Ronni's crossing of the room)

Barbarian (Throg) 4gp
Bard (Balustrade) 15gp
Cavalier (Cholmondley) -9gp (down 16 in equipment but up 7 in coin)
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
FFiigghhtteerr (Foghorn) 4ggpp
Monk (Bruce Lee) 30gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 35gp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 18gp
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 0gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp

 

[rgoodbb]

Furious that he'd been stolen from, the Bard realised that anger fueled him to cast two spells in the same round. This was so OP for the lower levels complained the whiny Cleric but there it was. First he cast Tasha's on Cholmondley and then he cast Polymorph on Bruce Lee who he turned into a useless floppy fish.

Smiling happily that he had now drawn the Laughing Cavalier and a Monkfish into the chaos, Balustrade sat back, put his feet up, interlinked his fingers behind his head and felt utterly inspired.

I shall have to write a song about this. Or better yet, a fireside saga? A children's poem or maybe.........maybe just.......yes.........Some Guild-Rap.......


Barbarian (Throg) 4gp
Bard (Balustrade) 19gp
Cavalier (Cholmondley) -11gp (overdraft loan of 12gp from the Stable Bank)
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
FFiigghhtteerr (Foghorn) 4ggpp
Monk (Bruce Lee) 15gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 35gp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 18gp
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 0gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp

 

[BoldItalic]

After some guffawing behind the curtain, Cholmondley (pron. Chumbly) returned, holding Knife's blood-stained dagger gingerly between his fingertips. "I found this clue," he laughed proudly. "I think someone got stabbed."

A few eyebrows were raised and there were pointed comments sotto voce about that's what happens when you make Int your dump stat, as Ronni patiently explained that, yes, we knew someone had been stabbed but we wanted to know where she was now and who stabbed her with her own dagger because it might be im-por-tant.

"I'll search high and low, you can rely on me!" was his gallant reply, whereupon he rushed out, mounted his warhorse, and galloped off madly in all directions to the sound of a Rossini overture. He never came back and for all we know, he is still out there searching.

Meanwhile Foghorn, having discovered that there are circumstances, such as free-fall, where having extra limbs is not necessarily an asset, approached Book The Wizard and pplleeaaddeedd with her to do what she could to un-magic him. She consulted the tome that she always had about her, cast Dispel Magic as a ritual and in just ten minutes he was back to normal. Well, almost. There was a slight complication in that at one point she turned over two pages at once and got part of Charm Person mixed in with it but she realised her mistake and corrected it in time. Almost. "I'm back! I love you!" he cried and gave her a big hug and a sloppy kiss, at which she blushed furiously and went all tingly and her spectacles steamed up. It was just like the slushy romantic novel she had been reading in bed the night before. If they had been Mystics, it would have been love at second sight.

Almost as an afterthought, Foghorn's 4 ggpp stopped glowing, shrank to normal size and became four ordinary platinum pieces. He gave one to Book as a love token. "Are these any good?" he asked Ronni later, showing her the remaining three. "They're a funny colour, like gold but sort of whiter than usual."

"Quite pretty but they aren't worth much, except perhaps to a collector of trinkets," was Ronni's professional opinion. "They're not real gold, you see. I'll give you 15gp for the three of them."

"I was hoping for at least thirty. I might be getting married."

"Twenty-five, that's my last offer."

"Twenty-six?"

"Oh, all right then, seeing as it's you."

Barbarian (Throg) 4gp
Bard (Balustrade) 19gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 26gp
Monkfish (Bruce Lee) 15gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 18gp
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 0gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp 1pp

"I told you that would happen," said Jeremy Warlock gloomily. "It always does."

 

[Lanefan]

Somewhere along here Stranger Granger the Danger Ranger noticed that there was in fact someone here in serious danger of dying, which just wouldn't do. So he carefully scooped up the gasping Monkfish, stepped outside, and saying "Sorry bud, but this's the only water I can find for you here other than the latrines" dumped him in the horses' water trough.

While at it, Granger also realized a fish would have no use for coinage and so looted the little thing; and on re-entering the tavern passed this money on to Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din: "Sorry 'bout the mess. Hope this'll help pay for the fixing, 'cause..." he looked dubiously around the room and its eclectic assortment of occupants "...I kinda think it's gonna get worse in here before it gets better."

Barbarian (Throg) 4gp
Bard (Balustrade) 19gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 26gp
Monkfish (Bruce Lee) 0gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 18gp
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 15gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp 1pp

 

[rgoodbb]

Throg the Barbarian had actually had Edgiban by the throat since round one. He was wondering what this little sorcerer’s life was worth and had spent the last few rounds discussing this matter with him. Being in a superior position, Throg tried a little of the old haggling….…

Barbarian (Throg) 0gp
Bard (Balustrade) 19gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 26gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 29gp, a Girdle of Giant Strength (Storm), and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 15gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 14 gp
Warlock (Jeremy) 16gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp 1pp

 

[BoldItalic]

"Guys, I don't want to worry you, but ..." called Granger, who had been staring out of the window at the distant wilderness and wondering if he was ever going to get back there, "but there is a whole pack of goblins lurking in those trees over there and from the way they are lurking, it looks as if they are getting ready to attack someone, possibly us."

"I speak goblin," lied Ronni, "quick, everybody, give me all your gold and I'll go out and try to buy them off."

"Nice try," said Edgiban.

"Why is it always goblins?" grumbled Jeremy. "Look, sorry, but I really have to be going. I'm needed up-country for an important corporate meeting next month and the camel train won't wait." So saying, he slipped on a Ring of Invisibility and headed for the door. Then he hesitated, struck by a sudden unaccountable dread of doorhandles. He felt a tingling at the back of his neck, as if someone was staring at him. It was weird. So weird that he wondered if the Ring was spooked, and took it off. Sure enough, the feeling stopped immediately. He studied the Ring intently, thoughtfully turning it over and over in his hand. It had never done that before.

Across the room, someone stopped gazing intently at Jeremy and refused to wear clothes of a specific color.

Keyes the Thief had meanwhile crept up behind Jeremy, taken advantage of his perplexity and picked his pockets. She got 16gp, a map of Neverwinter with Ye Secrett Magick Shoppe marked on it in invisible ink, and a clean handkerchief with a "J" embroidered in one corner. The handkerchief was freshly starched, neatly pressed and appeared to have been folded by someone who was borderline obsessive and at least a brown belt in origami. Jeremy certainly had some odd friends.

Throg idly picked up a bar table and experimentally swung it as an improvised weapon. It felt clumsy, though, so he pulled off the table legs, thus creating two pairs of Very Big Clubs and a Tabletop of Shield Bashing. This was better. The ancestors approved. He pushed past Jeremy and charged out of the door to meet the goblins head-on. Alas, his bravery was to no avail. He did not survive.


Bard (Balustrade) 19gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 17gp
Druid (Moss) 19gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 26gp
Ranger (Granger) 14gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 29gp, a Girdle of Giant Strength (Storm), and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 15gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 18gp
Thief (Keyes) 30 gp, a Secret Map and a Handkerchief of Folding
Warlock (Jeremy) 0gp
Wizard (Book) 16gp 1pp

 

[Lanefan]

As Throg charged out to meet the goblins in heroic but futile battle (Moss will forever swear he heard fanfares in the distance during that charge), Roland Butter quickly moved to block the door so no-one else would follow:

"Hold, friends! All is not as it seems!" To the questioning looks given by the various adventurers, he went on: "If this night is as any normal night the only thing those goblins are looking to attack is my fine selection of local draft beers (at 3 cp per mug). They're not used to my having many other customers...and nor am I, for that matter...and so their hesitation at the forest's edge is completely logical. Please, help me make them welcome!"

And so at the Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din's urging about a dozen goblins (out of the 23 that came out of the forest, Throg had seen to the rest) carefully filtered into the tavern, some with wounds that clearly needed more than just beer to fix and all with nothing in their eyes except fear. And sheer unadulterated greed, once they saw all the belt pouches in the room; and before anyone except Keyes and Ronni were the wiser some coins had changed pockets...

Bard (Balustrade) 17gp
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 15gp
Druid (Moss) 17gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 24gp
Goblins (12, collectively) 17 gp, 1 pp
Ranger (Granger) 12gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 27gp, a Girdle of Giant Strength (Storm), and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 13gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 16gp
Thief (Keyes) 30 gp, a Secret Map and a Handkerchief of Folding
Warlock (Jeremy) 0gp
Wizard (Book) 15gp

 

[rgoodbb]

The Goblins all looked at Jeremy as one. The lead Goblin (Gucci) Who was dressed in fabulous leathers, said “Mon dieu. Why is ee still ear? Eez ad no monay for ze last two rounds. If you cannot pay for your wan, zen you go. Oui?”

Jeremy questioned himself. Why am I still ear…Here? What is it that draws me so? As he was thinking this, his right hand was fumbling inside his waistcoat pocket. It was the ring. It was a curse. Jeremy dropped it on the floor. It didn’t tinckle-tanckle and bounce, it didn’t even swirl around and around, no indeed it just dropped and hit the floor dead with weight and significance. Everyone in the bar heard strange Elvan no Elvish no Elfen whispering

Balustrade had just cast Sleep at 9th level. All the goblins bar Gucci, Gobblet the Mimic, and Book who had a negative con and was actually fearing for her life should she level up, all fell unconscious. As he picked up Fro…Jeremy’s ring, he wandered over to the Mimic and found some more similar jewellery in it.

Jeremy now free of his curse, Misty Stepped into oblivion.


Bard (Balustrade) 50gp and FIVE—GOLD—RINGS!
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 15gp
Druid (Moss) 17gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 24gp
Gucci & Ze Goblins (12, collectively) 7 gp, 1 pp
Ranger (Granger) 12gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 27gp, a Girdle of Giant Strength (Storm), and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 13gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 3gp
Thief (Keyes) 30 gp, a Secret Map and a Handkerchief of Folding
Wizard (Book) 5gp

 

[BoldItalic]

Edgiban felt confident. He had eliminated the blundering oaf of a Barbarian and he was flush with wealth. The Rogue and the Thief would be easily disposed of with a few spells when the time came. Now, all that stood in the way of his ultimate triumph were Foghorn and his moll, the bookish Wizard woman. How to deal with them? Suddenly, the answer popped into his head. Gently, gently, ... It all seemed so obvious. ... done it!

"Hey, Foghorn, buddy," called Edgiban, pretending to be drunk, "I bet you a gazillion gold I can beat youze fair and sq..sq..square at arm-wrestlinging! Jush you 'n me, jush strength, no spells. Watcha say, buddy?"

"Are you serious? Is he serious? Arm-wrestling? Me? Buddy, you're too drunk. I wouldn't take your money."

"Aw, g'wan. Issht jush a bit o' fun."

The goblins watched with interest. Arm-wrestling was something they understood. They started making small side bets amongst themselves.

Smirking, and with his mind entirely full of manic thoughts, manic thoughts, manic thoughts Edgiban put on the Girdle of Giant Strength and sat down at a table. He placed all his gold and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe on the table as his stake, raised his arm and waiting for Foghorn to take up the challenge. Nothing could go wrong. His position would shortly be unassailable.

Sighing heavily, Foghorn sat at the table opposite the Sorcerer, elbow to elbow, and grasped the proffered hand. He counted. "One, Two, Three, ..." and broke the Sorcerer's arm as he twisted it round, down, and clear through the solid wooden table top.

There was a sudden silence. You could have heard a pin drop. Then an excited babble of goblin voices broke out as petites pièces de monnaie en cuivre ont été passés de l'un à l'autre.

"Foggie, dear," murmured Book, "that wasn't really fair. He didn't know he'd put the Girdle on inside out."

"Oh, but it was completely fair, Booksie dear," countered Foghorn scooping up his winnings, "I didn't know either."

Excellent! thought the Mystic. With the sorcerer now out of the running, the next to be eliminated must logically be ...

Bard (Balustrade) 50gp and FIVE—GOLD—RINGS!
Cleric (Sister Jericho) 15gp
Druid (Moss The Mystic) 17gp
Fighter (Foghorn) 51gp and Mr Choppy-Chop the Magic Battleaxe
Gucci & Ze Goblins (12, collectively) 7 gp, 1 pp
Ranger (Granger) 12gp
Rogue (Ronni) 9gp 3pp
Sorcerer (Edgiban) 0gp, a Girdle of Giant Strength (Storm), and a broken arm.
Pala-Tavern Keeper-Din (Roland Butter) 13gp
- - - Mimic (Gobblet, hench to P-TK-D) 3gp
Thief (Keyes) 30 gp, a Secret Map and a Handkerchief of Folding
Wizard (Book) 5gp