Q: Is 3.X really like this ?
A: It can be.
Caveat: The following relates entirely to my experience, and your experiences may be different (so we may see things differently

)
I learned D&D in what would be termed an 'old skool' manner (yes, with the 'k' and all).
2E, DM (thought he) ruled with an iron fist. The most I saw of the DMG for my first few years as a player was the front cover! Also, many of the rules of 3.0 did not exist. [Edit: Yes obviously - I mean there are entire situations that have rules in 3.x, nut did not in previous editions]
This meant that dispute resolution happened in one of two ways: The DM just gave us an order (you
were/were not that close) or we argued about what seemed reasonable. Sometimes for a very. long. time.
Then 3.0 comes out. Suddenly everything changed: A lot of DM 'arbitrariness' goes, but added is a massive, technically brilliant, computer program of a gaming system. My group is composed of lawyers, philosphers, and sneaky 'technically focused' IT guys. And yes, we spent a lot of time checking rules - not so much to win; but because there was, for once, an
objectively right way to make a ruling, or interpret or govern a game event. Fantastic !
BUT: whilst we stopped having those screaming 'interpretive' arguments (we outgrew all that anyway) suddenly there was a lot of 'letter of the law' style issues. And not just players trying to 'get' the DM - DMs trying to be fair to the players because (Theoretically) all class abilities and options were "balanced" in light of what some spell or other wacky thing did, and it wasn't FAIR to anyone to not comply with THE RULES.
There is hope however: we are still all the same technically [mechanically?] focused people, but in recent years I think we are remembering the lessons of our youth - that the point is to have fun. There has been an almost tacit agreement (not by comittee!) that it isn't entirely the point to produce a math paper with all the answers right.
In short (what, you'd all prefer short ?) it is very possible to
choose to not play 3.X like that, and I think many, many posters would say that they have 'overcome' the 3.X rules mired play style.
Rassilon.